“Why you should meditate.” With Beau Henderson & Coltrane Lord

Radical self-love can happen through the journey and ritual of knowing the self which is a process. With the current racist madness in the world, I am tempted to also suggest that every official who claims to serve the public take a psychedelic journey so they open their hearts and get a glimpse of what […]

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Radical self-love can happen through the journey and ritual of knowing the self which is a process. With the current racist madness in the world, I am tempted to also suggest that every official who claims to serve the public take a psychedelic journey so they open their hearts and get a glimpse of what Oneness, Unity Consciousness, Unconditional Love is all about! In my opinion, we are in a state of emergency, so whatever it takes to bring mindfulness to the closed-minded!

As a part of my series about “How To Develop Mindfulness And Serenity During Stressful Or Uncertain Times”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Coltrane Lord.

Coltrane Lord is a conscious intimacy and relationship expert and is the bestselling author of “The Kinky Vanilla Love Project: The Sexy Soulful Journey From Betrayal To Bliss” and is working on her second book titled, “Love Avatar.” Coltrane is an advocate for radical self love and discusses what she calls “the beauty and power of your erotic and expansive soul”. Through her work she is able to educate, empower and inspire individuals to reignite the lost or forbidden parts of themselves that they may be ashamed to acknowledge or freely discuss through art and the lost practice of indigenous ritual. She has spent thousands of hours of training in spirituality, sexuality, shadow work. Having worked with hundreds of women (and a handful of men) across the globe, she employs the practice of esoteric wisdom with practical solutions, to provide an in-depth embodiment experience that is rooted in tangible, real world practices since experiencing her full spiritual awakening in 2016. A married mother of two boys, Coltrane is a leader in the divine feminine movement incorporating the teachings of the Vedas — an ancient wisdom considered to be the source of many eastern philosophies including yoga, meditation and tantra. Coltrane received a degree in psychology at the University of California, Santa Barabara. She is a certified love coach, movement teacher, an accomplished photographer, creator of conscious intimacy techniques, and a Deepak Chopra certified Ayurvedic educator who has traveled to India with him to meet the Dalai Lama.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

Absolutely, and thank you for asking.

My journey is not linear, so I will try to keep a path that has many twists and turns as succinct as possible. Mine is a path of “synchrodestiny,” a word that Deepak Chopra coined, which combines the meaning of synchronicity (a seemingly significant and simultaneous occurrence of events with no apparent relationship or connection) and destiny (an event that is destined to happen in the future by unknown forces). As odd as this might sound, perfection and avoidance is what catapulted me into my spiritual awakening, and thus onto my soul’s purpose to help liberate divine feminine energy and amplify love on this planet.

Not a belt, a gun, nor a suicide could melt away my very rigid façade. I did have a childhood of traumatic events that kept me small, quiet, and wanting to be invisible. When I chose visibility, I chose to adopt a presentation of perfectionism, as I tried to please others — this was a survival mechanism that I used to avoid rage and abusive behaviors. As an adult, one of my dearest friends jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, his spirit came to me and I had an unexplainable otherworldly phenomenon that is reserved for the movies. But my perfectionism was too strong for me to let down my guard. I became more “shut down.” It took an infidelity in my seventeen-year marriage to catapult me onto the path of feminine spiritual awakening, and to understanding the true meaning of relationships, or sacred union. I believe the belt, the gun (my father once had a gun to my mom’s head), the suicide were all experiences that were trying to “wake me up.” I was stubborn.

Betrayal forced me to look within to reclaim myself and my worthiness. I was taken on a path of discovery that spanned the spectrum of intimacy, relationships, spirituality, the dark side of life, wholeness and bliss. My search for identity and wholeness also exposed me to the teachers who would inspire me. I dove into everything that was “feminine” from sitting in goddess puja ceremonies, to intimacy workshops, to pole dancing, and feminine empowerment retreats. I also dove into everything that was spiritual. I researched and dissected as many of the esoteric and eastern philosophies I could get my hands on.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

When I was going through the certification process to become an Ayurvedic Educator and Vedic Counselor, I found myself under the tutelage of Deepak Chopra. I appreciated how he made complex concepts sound simple. Several times he made comments on how the events of life bring us together to this very moment. As I watched him speak, I knew that one day I would meet him personally, I felt it in my bones. A couple of years later, I found myself on a trip to India with him and a group of soul explorers where we were to meet with the Dalai Lama. The month before the opportunity was presented to me, I had experienced a regression therapy session with a psychic medium who took me on a journey through my past lives where I was a servant to the tenth Dalai Lama — among other jobs, I ate his food to see if it was poisoned. Fast forward to my modern meeting with the Dalai Lama. In the temple, Deepak mentioned that this group was probably reconnecting from a past life experience. As we listened to the Dalai Lama speak, he would occasionally stick his tongue out at me and giggle, and then we held hands. When you are on the right path, the spontaneous fulfillment of desires presents itself.

What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?

First and foremost, a fantastic work culture is always about humanity. Taking the time to understand the layers, nuances, and complexities of how your organization serves your clients is key. What does it mean to you to be inclusive? On the surface layer it could mean just checking the box of diversity, a deeper layer would allow everyone to feel safe to voice their opinions and make suggestions regardless of who is in the room, say a boss or colleague that might be biased in some ways. Another layer might mean that everyone associated with the organization is fully aligned with how the organization higher values. Taking the time to understand where you as a leader stands and get into the nuances of that before it is presented to everyone else will set the standard. Clarity, integrity, transparency, humility, and honesty with the self before asking it of others is true leadership. Once that is set, openness, joy, creativity, equality, inclusion are qualities that lend to a fantastic work culture.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

The book that I often go back to again and again is Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav. It’s in its 25th year of publication, the essence of it still takes me out of my ego and helps me turn my ambition into inspiration. I am reminded time and again to tap back into my soul for the guidance I need to serve in the way that my higher-self intended to serve. Today, as more and more people are “waking up” to mindfulness and soul-centered experiences, this book validates an endless wisdom that comes from within.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. From your experience or research, how would you define and describe the state of being mindful?

Mindfulness to me is being able to tap into what I call the expansive mind, your individual higher knowing with the connection to something even more powerful and knowing, then integrating this wisdom of higher thought into the physical body as embodied consciousness. Many people are capable of talking the talk of mindfulness. They regurgitate philosophies and experience yogic practices without actually integrating its wisdom into the wholeness of the self. Mindfulness to me is a whole body experience. It is the alignment of the expansive mind, the etheric body, the physical body, the soul and the intelligence of the heart.

This might be intuitive to you, but it will be instructive to spell this out. Can you share with our readers a few of the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of becoming mindful?

Yes! I love this question because many of us on the mindfulness path do get stuck in the stars sometimes. However, our souls did land in our physical bodies, and our physical bodies do have needs and desires and emotions to be attended to. I believe that mindfulness living is a gateway to turning back the clock physically. For example, Telomeres are the caps that protect the end of linear chromosomes, they are known to shorten with age which causes cells to age. Studies have shown that stress reduction protects the telomeres from shortening. I believe with mindful living we can thrive as we age, instead of decline with age. The Okinawans (Japan) are known for their longevity which is attributed to the lack of stress and huge support in their culture. Our emotionality is a natural part of being human, if we are unaware of our emotions and unaware of our triggers, then our emotions have us, instead of us having emotions. Mindfulness is the true key to feeling balanced and creating joy in your life. In terms of mental wellness, study after study has shown that stress is the number one killer. From an Ayurvedic standpoint, it is the underlying cause to much of the diseases we see now. Mental illness is also about feeling disconnected. I’d prefer to share mindfulness practices before giving someone a numbing drug that they might become addicted to for depression or anxiety. If we are going to be addicted to something, I hope it is mindfulness. Also, just look around you, the happily mindful people look really good, help people feel calm, and inspire joy in others.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. The past 5 years have been filled with upheaval and political uncertainty. Many people have become anxious from the dramatic jolts of the news cycle. The fears related to the coronavirus pandemic have only heightened a sense of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to develop mindfulness and serenity during such uncertain times? Can you please share a story or example for each.

From a spiritual perspective, external experiences are reflections of what is going on inside of us. As a collective, we are trying to ascend and evolve into higher beings. So it is important to see the fears, uncertainty, anxiety and loneliness as qualities we still might have within us. Many people have a hard time with this. But if we are brave enough to look within and transform the low vibrational feelings to their higher octave, it will make it easier for us to support others. These are mindfulness steps to gain serenity during certain times.

1) RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. This means being completely honest and open. There is a virus out there. This is true, it is a fact. There is rampant racism going on. This is true, this is a fact. Sometimes we have a tendency to deny the things that create fear and chaos. To get personal, be honest about how your relationship was going during the lockdowns. Many people ignore the signs of relationship deterioration until it’s too late to save the relationship. To accept “what is,” is the very first step in any mindfulness experience. This is a stage that stays in the mind.

2) RADICAL PRESENCE/FEEL: At this stage, you bring the experience into your body. This is where you allow the feelings, be it rage, shame, fear, disgust, anxiety. Give yourself permission to feel. The only way to know how things are affecting you is to allow yourself to feel. What does your relationship feel like to you right now? Do you have any fears surrounding the virus or the changes to your lifestyle? Are you outraged by injustice? At this stage you can begin to feel sensations in your body that you might be trying to suppress. Let it all loose and feel!

3) NAME & CLAIM YOUR FEELINGS/EMOTIONS: This stage is where the practice mindfulness gets activated even more. The ability to become witness to yourself requires mindfulness. So if you are feeling rage, name it. “I am outraged.” And then dissect what that feels like, what are the sensations of your rage? For me, my skin feels on edge when I tap into rage. I become hypervigilant. There is a pressure between my ears. I want to scream, but something gets caught in my throat each time I want to yell. My temperature rises, and so on. This stage honors your feelings and emotions, it also allows them to pass through the body for transformation.

4) EMBODIED TRANSFORMATION: The body is our most valued instrument. It is highly intelligent. If you don’t believe me, then please explain how your body innately understood how to evolve from a single cell egg and sperm into the glorious you. And your cuts heal themselves don’t they. Yes, your body is magic. After naming and claiming your feelings and emotions, move them through your body through exercise, dance, yoga, screaming, crying, laughing, beating a pillow. Pent up emotions explode later on, and usually onto some unsuspecting innocent bystander. I teach feminine movement, so my preferred expression is through non-linear, un-choreographed dance. Movement increases our feel good hormones, and lets off stress. With the intention to transform negative feelings, movement can change the body.

5) IMAGINE & RECLAIM: Now that you have exhausted the body and allowed the feelings to move out of your body, you might feel a sense of relief and “emptiness,” which is different from loneliness. We do want you to be empty so that you can fill yourself up with something different. It is time to imagine a new world, a new relationship, a healthy body, a happy life. What exactly do you desire in the future? When you have that image in your mind’s eye, then fill up your empty vessel with the feelings you would have when you have your desire. Think of a soul-filled relationship that includes the freedom to be you, unconditional love, self-love, romance, and the deep intimacy you’ve always craved. Imagine that perfect fit. Now feel love rising up from your pelvic floor into your heart and to the top of your head. Reclaim this feeling of love right this very second, and then find gratitude for the love that you have right now. This energy calls in more love.

Mindfulness training is about being present to the now, loving the now as it is, and being grateful. What you feel is what comes to you in spades. So give yourself permission to release the sadness and the chaos of these uncertain times, and envision a better future. Feel into this future, and you will be guided by your inner state to know what next steps you’ll need to take to get to your desired outcome.

From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to effectively offer support to those around us who are feeling anxious? Can you explain?

One of the hardest things to do is to allow others to be on their journey without making it personal to us, or imposing our thoughts onto them, even though we know they might be suffering. And, it is difficult to offer a one-size fits all answer to the patterns of an individual. We all fall into different patterns during times of stress. Different patterns require different techniques. Here are the five steps that I would take if I didn’t know someone’s patterns of stress behavior.

1) Be present. Anxiety is the result of an unhealed wound or fear that one anticipates might happen in the future. Those who are anxious are in their minds, overthinking. Your grounded presence will help them feel safe. Presence does not mean looking like you are present. Imagine that you are a container, and they are the water that fills it. To be held with presence, even energetically is so helpful.

2) Just breathe! Yes, you breathe for them. In your grounded presence, take slow deep breaths in and exhale even longer. If they have to get back into their mind to consider a suggestion like “just breathe and count to ten,” or “maybe you should beat on a pillow” it is too much for an anxious mind. Our bodies will follow the most coherent energy in the room, so your coherence matters. Breathe!

3) Help them back into the body. It helps to share these steps beforehand, when things are calm, and agree to bring each other back into homeostasis when anxiety arises. After you feel like there is an opening, kindly and gently bring them back to their body by asking how they feel in their body. Are they hot, or cold. Do they need a blanket or warm water? Anything that brings them awareness to their body will help them get out of the anxiety in the mind.

4) Creativity pause. Chuck the judgments and any analysis, and save it for later. So many people rush in with opinions and advice when sometimes it is better for an anxious person to come to their own patterns of behavior, to learn for themselves, and from themselves. This is a step of patience and pause, plus an offering of creativity. Some of the best writing and drawing and movement come from anxiety. If you can suggest a creative outlet like journaling or painting or dancing or even sharing when they are ready, it helps bring anxiety into perspective.

5) Recognize patterns. This takes time. It is easier to discover your own patterns (if you are willing to admit them that is), but you can try figuring out the patterns of those around you by associating them with the five major elements of fire, water, earth, air, ether. If those you love have a fiery essence, then a cooling down method is great. If there is too much of an earthy quality where th1ey just can’t get up, then a little fire might be in order. You get the picture. Understanding patterns is worth doing.

What are the best resources you would suggest for someone to learn how to be more mindful and serene in their everyday life?

Meditation. Meditation. Meditation. You can meditate anywhere. Start by meditating twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the late afternoon to end the work day. People often feel like they do not have this kind of time during their days, but will spend hours on screen time. If silence is too hard to start with, try guided meditations or music. Insight Timer and Calm are apps with a variety of meditations to choose from.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?

I feel like I learn my greatest lessons from quotes, so it is very hard to choose! If I could only choose one, I would choose “The cave you fear to enter, holds the treasure you seek,” by Joseph Campbell. This encapsulates what is called “the dark night of the soul” that in very dark places we must go to find wholeness. My “shut down,” was definitely fear of opening a childhood wound that felt too big for me to handle. As I mentioned, I experienced rage, abuse, guns, gambling, a shaming religion, abandonment in my childhood. My survival was to ignore all of it. I feared going into myself to know my darkness, so the good-girl perfectionist appeared. But I was just a shell of a person, and that is not fun. So facing my fears was my greatest gift, and that is why I help others with reclaiming and unshaming the pieces of themselves they have rejected. It is my story, yet everyone’s story on the path to ascension. If we are ascending, we are evolving from a “lower” place. My darkness is my power because I have transformed it.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

This sounds simple, but it is not easy. Radical Self-Love is the movement I am trying to start. Self-love is not to be confused with self-centeredness or self-absorption. Self-love is accepting yourself as you are, with no excuses or explanations. Radical Self-love includes the ability to own our weaknesses and insecurities and feel it an obligation to to transform them into higher expressions of love, peace, equanimity and kindness.

The “haters” out there are extremely insecure people who are fighting for their lives not to show the world how truly scared they are deep inside. They vehemently deny how lonely and disconnected they feel from unconditional love. Their fears turn into hate, and then their dreadful actions reflect this fear.

Radical self-love can happen through the journey and ritual of knowing the self which is a process. With the current racist madness in the world, I am tempted to also suggest that every official who claims to serve the public take a psychedelic journey so they open their hearts and get a glimpse of what Oneness, Unity Consciousness, Unconditional Love is all about! In my opinion, we are in a state of emergency, so whatever it takes to bring mindfulness to the closed-minded!

What is the best way our readers can follow you online?

You can visit me at or on instagram @lordcoltrane

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

Thank you for having me, and all the work that you!

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