Some days it’s hard to know which way is up.
Don’t know what the next step is?
Feel stuck in your work, your relationship, your life?
Waiting for a sign to tell you how to proceed?
After working with thousands of clients over the years I have seen a pattern.
Chances are you do know the next step but for some reason aren’t taking it.
Let’s uncover that reason for you. Because it will re-surface time and time again until you dig it out, look at it and move through it.
Start here. Think specifically about where you are stuck. Is it a muddy feeling, one big decision or a set of choices that you can’t decide on? Something is causing you anxiety or you wouldn’t feel stuck.
Whatever it is, how does it feel in your body? Tightness in your chest? Sick feeling in your stomach? Tightening in your throat?
Let yourself rest here a minute and feel what this ‘stuckness’ feels like. What is the fear that comes up?
I might fail.
I might make a fool out of myself.
People might not like me.
I might cause conflict.
I might be successful.
How old do you feel? This might seem like an unlikely question but usually when we get stuck it is rooted in an old belief or an old trauma that is preventing us from taking a step. Have you ever taken a bold step and it didn’t work out, you offended others, or lost friends?
What is the belief that comes up? Hint: start with ‘I am…..’
Really turn your attention inward. Close the computer and start getting curious.
The answer might be I am scared, small, not good enough, irresponsible..
For example, I had a difficult work situation where I felt stuck. I couldn’t seem to move past a certain point on a project and didn’t know why. When I sat and distilled it down to it’s true source, I realized I had to ask someone for some assistance in a certain area that I was not proficient at. I had to ask for help.
Old beliefs: “I should know” and “My needs aren’t important” reared their ugly heads. I felt sick until I realized that there was no way I could possibly know and it actually was important in moving forward.
Where did that come from?
Where ever they came from, these old thoughts are outdated, moldy old beliefs that are holding you back. They might have protected you when you were younger but now they have out-lived their usefulness. It is normal that the accompanying feeling would arise, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything now. An invisible barrier to your success.
From the work of Byron Katie, recognize that the belief is just a thought that has become embedded, but it’s just a thought.
“Who would you be without that thought?” If your brain was unable to think that thought, how would you proceed, what would you do next?
Breathe deeply and picture what it would look like and feel like without that belief. Spend some time imagining this and mentally rehearse, rehearse and rehearse the next step. Visualize yourself moving through your life without that thought.
What does that feel like? Freedom? Lighter? Simpler?
Unconscious beliefs are the engine that hums along but you are the driver. When you feel stuck, it is a chance to excavate, expose and change the route on the GPS. It is usually the same old culprits that surface in any area that causes anxiety, so when you find one… celebrate!
Originally published at medium.com