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Why We Need a Tribe & How to Find Them

Humans need people. Our brains are wired for connection with others. This need is why we must find our tribe and make authentic connections.

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Find Our Tribe
Humans need people. Our brains are wired for connection with others. This need is why we must find our tribe and make authentic connections.

The people who love and support us are our tribe.  They are like-minded but will challenge our thinking.  They can be members of our family, friends, coworkers, or neighbors.  We all need those who encourage us, accept us, and love us as we authentically are.  But how do we find those people as we are growing and expanding our souls

We are born with the need and the desire to connect with others authentically.  Our brains are wired to do so.  Through our relationship with others, we reduce our suffering because we can share and comfort.  When we don’t genuinely bond with others, it affects us in negative ways.

As adults, trying to find our tribe can be difficult.  Because leaving our primary familiar connections causes the egoic mind to take over.  And when the ego is in control, fear sets in.  Today we have technology to keep us communicating with others.  But we have become more disassociated despite the world being more accessible because a text or social media post isn’t supporting what our brains crave- human contact. 

Our society has moved away from having a community of people helping one another. Instead, we are using paid services because we think it is more convenient and time-efficient.  It takes time to build and maintain a relationship with others.  And it has become challenging to carve out time to sustain our connections

Connection and connectedness are other words for community and communion. ~ Parker J. Palmer

Defining Our Tribe

The group of people in our lives whom we can turn to as our support system is my definition of a tribe.  These people cheer us on with encouraging words, a pat on the back, or a hug. And we don’t have to tell them anything for them to offer their comfort.  They accept us as we are and inspire our growth and development even though we may change.     

Our tribe members can be people we’ve known for years, family members, and newly formed relationships.  They may only interact with us in one aspect of our lives.  For example, my writer’s group is immensely supportive of my book, Raven Transcending Fear, as it approaches its launch in March.  Although we have writing in common, and I have learned so much from many of them, most of the other parts of our lives don’t intersect. 

The relationships we have with members of our tribe are mutually beneficial. Both parties give and receive equally.  Our tribes nurture us and our growth.  They are eager to help if we ask for it because they know us well enough to know that we value their expertise.  Our people provide us with energy when we feel drained, and yet they aren’t energy-sapping.  They will talk things out with us and share their experiences.  This community has mentors, teachers, and peers.  We are all different, and yet we all give and share to raise each other up. 

Connecting with others gives us a sense of inclusion, connection, interaction, safety, and community. Your vibe attracts your tribe, so if you want to attract positive and healthy relationships, be one! ~ Susan C. Young

Why Assemble A Tribe?

Society perpetuates the idea that people suck. They are only out for themselves. And maybe when we group and label others, it’s true.  But when we get to know an individual, we discover they have the same concerns as we do.  We discover we are more alike than we are different.  All of us want acceptance and unconditional love.  And we are consciously choosing to give members of our tribe both.     

Our culture also continues to believe it’s better to do something alone.  And if we can’t, we are weak.  Again, lies of the collective egoic mind.  Strength comes from knowing our skill-set and knowing when to ask for help.  Therefore, we assemble a tribe to bolster our collective abilities to move us all towards our dreams and global vision

Who celebrates our wins or encourages us through our missteps?  Our people are happy for us and inspire us when we slip up.  They lift us up, remind us of our capabilities, and embolden us to make a course correction. If we need them to cry with us, they will.  Or maybe they help us strategize a plan of action.  Our tribe is our super fans.  They make us feel seen and heard.

Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others. ~ Harriet Goldhor Lerner

The Ego’s Lies About Community

The egoic mind works at keeping us away from others.  If someone is opposed to our belief system, then the ego wants us to dismiss the person and not have a relationship with them.  But our soul wants diversity because it wants us to be exposed to alternative ideas.  So, everyone in our tribe should be like us is a lie of the ego.

Another misrepresentation about relationships the egoic mind perpetuates is that people who come into our lives are meant to stay.  When we depended on each other for our basic survival, this may have been true.  But in the transportation age where you can get across the country in a few hours, people are much more mobile.  The mobility means the members of our tribe will come and go- and that’s a part of life.  We, too, must be flexible in our relationships as we carefully tend them. Still, the feeling of belonging remains as it is timeless.

The ego has some inaccuracies concerning how others in our community will interact with us.  It doesn’t mean our feelings won’t get hurt occasionally.  Or that there won’t be differences of opinions. Instead, it implies that we all can tolerate disagreements healthily and responsibly. Why?  Because we are like-minded and are consciously choosing to respond with love despite the conflict.  We care more about the relationship than we do about being right

There is a depth to life which only comes from our connection to other people. ~ Donna Goddard

What to Know Before We Seek

Before we can find our tribe, we must remember who we are.  We need to understand what our core beliefs are.  Being comfortable in our own skin is crucial to attracting like-minded people.  We also have to recognize if we are strong enough not to allow others to influence us so that we are changing to fit in.  We want others to value us as we are.  Once we’ve begun our journey back to Spirit, we can look for our tribe.

Knowing ourselves allows us to understand what we need from our tribe.  What qualities do we want in the people around us?  Who do we want to support us when we’ve taken a misstep?  Are we searching for a mentor?  We certainly desire people to have communication skills.  We want them to listen without interrupting and offer criticism with love.  Are we searching for those who have the same interest or career field for us to connect?  Or are we seeking others to inspire our souls to expand?

Finding folks to connect with authentically may take time, but it is doable and enjoyable.  We will have an inner knowing that there is something special about a particular person.  All we have to do is to be open to those whispers from Spirit. 

When people go within and connect with themselves, they realize they are connected to the Universe, and they are connected to all living things. ~ Armand DiMele

How To Find Our Tribe

Many times we naturally attract others into our lives to join our tribe.  As beings of light, we automatically invite other like-minded individuals to us.  But we still need to be proactive in seeking authentic connections.  We cannot draw people to us if we stay inside our comfort zone

To determine if someone belongs in our community, we need to reach out to people and build relationships.  We can begin by looking at those individuals we regularly engage with at work or through another interest.  Is there someone we click with in our book club?  Didn’t we have a brief chat with a colleague about a shared interest? Maybe we could explore that rapport a bit more.  By exploring the relationships we already have, we can seek tribe members we are already familiar with, so the egoic mind doesn’t stir up fear

We can find tribal members online.  I know I have formed friendships through shared interests via the internet.  I can say that although I’ve met none of them in person, we’ve had phone calls and video calls, which have bonded us.  We also nurture one another and support each other’s endeavors. 

When we establish human connections within the context of shared experience, we create community wherever we go. ~ Gina Greenlee

Places To Search For Our Tribe

Again, we can find our community anywhere, but here are places where we can seek like-minded individuals. 

  1. Online groups.  The internet is a resource we can use to build our community, primarily because we can focus on interesting areas.  Industry-specific groups are great ways to learn and find a mentor.  Reach out to those people that inspire us. That is why many of them are there.  Be safe by having personal boundaries about the information we share online.
  2. Coworkers.  We know many things about the colleagues we work with because we spend time with them.  Have we considered expanding our relationship with them?  Maybe we have a shared hobby or interest which we could bond over.  Maybe we could be a mentor for them.  Yes, we could blur the lines of professional and personal. Still, all relationships occur between people, and our coworkers are people we already connect with regularly.     
  3. Friends of friends.  Maybe my writing friends would like to meet the members of the book club I attend.  When we intermingle our associations, we expand our tribe and meet new people.  Diverse connections can come through mutual friends, so be open to these opportunities.
  4. Explore our hobbies.  When we are enjoying our favorite past-times, we may discover other people who have fun doing the same thing.  These individuals are prime candidates for our tribe.  Different levels of interest may prove to help others explore or take our interest to the next level.          
  5. Networking groups.  As we move out into new areas, we may feel some discomfort. Still, networking groups can introduce us to new people and experiences we would have never thought to explore. 
  6. Get to know our neighbors.  It’s sad that many of us only know one or two of our neighbors in our subdivision.  As kids, we knew who lived in every house on the block or more.  Why haven’t we looked into these people with whom we live so close? Let’s change this dynamic and befriend our neighbors.   
  7. A spiritual community.  Whether it’s a formal church group, a yoga studio, or a soul coach, exploring our spirituality is a great way to find like-minded people for our tribe.

We think we meet someone with our eyes, but we actually meet them with our soul. ~ Mimi Novic

Mindset During Our Search

We must have an open mind when we are looking for our tribe.  We don’t know what the Universe has in store for us and by whom it may come.  We also have to realize that not everyone, even those we think we’d like in our tribe, should be a part of our community.  Some relationships will take time to build, while others click quickly. 

For most of my life, my tribe was generally older people.  Not just a few years, but decades. Over time, that has completely changed.  My being open to younger tribal members has expanded my viewpoint and gives my life more diversity. 

Our mindset needs to be about inclusion.  Accepting others as they are, flaws and all, with no strings attached, is the definition of unconditional love. This acceptance allows us to foster unity instead of division—agreement instead of conflict.  I’m not saying that everyone we meet will be in our tribe, but we should be open to the idea and not reject someone based on our first encounter.  

We also need to be open to receive.  I’m referring to not allowing the ego to shut the door for us.  When we look at a group of people and decide we don’t belong, it’s the ego making that decision.  Instead, ask ourselves, why not?  The Universe gives us what we need for our growth. Why do we shut the door on potential gifts?  Be open to the experiences and people we encounter.    

A deep connection starts with interest, open-mindedness, and paying attention to every detail, including flaws. ~ April Mae Monterrosa

Take Action To Build Our Tribe

The only way for us to get what we want is to take action.  Let’s look at some activities we can take to build our community.  Accept the invitations we get from others.  Every invite is an opportunity from the Universe to include us in life.  Therefore, we can expect we would find other like-minded people if we attend. 

Help people by sharing our knowledge with others. When we are giving from a place of compassion, our energy is high, and we will attract those who also are operating at the same frequency. 

Join an organization we are passionate about.  My husband and I joined a biker gang and led the local chapter for six years.  We met beautiful people and made lasting friends just by assisting where we could while doing something we enjoyed. 

Look around us.  The people we need and desire are around us if we look with our soulful eyes.  Our souls see other souls.  The ego, however, sees differences.  It sees division where the soul sees unity.  Don’t allow the egoic mind to keep us isolated from one another.  What we need and desire is within our reach if we choose to belong and are being authentic.      

Tell those in our tribe that we love and appreciate them.  Thank those in our community for being part of our support system.  Make plans with them to help foster and maintain a loving relationship. 

Go to the community and the locations that have set a sparkle in your psyche. That’s how you find your tribe. ~ Karl Wiggins

Moving Forward

A supportive tribe of people is tremendous for our growth and overall well-being. We must surround ourselves with a robust support system both personally and professionally.  These like-minded individuals will help us stay true to our authentic selves.  They push us to new horizons, and they teach us how to love and live in a community. 

We all want love and acceptance, and our tribe does this for us as we do it for them.  Communicating ideas, sharing leisure activities, and working in harmony.  Who we authentically are attracts who we will meet and who becomes a part of our community.  

I believe in real soul connections, some that can change the course of our lives. No matter how far the distance is between the souls, they are always joined at the heart of Source. ~ Karen A. Baquiran

I’d love for you to become a member of my tribe.  You can do this by subscribing to the Soul Solutions podcast, leave a review, join my email list, or follow me on any of the social media platforms.  I look forward to connecting with you!

Do you need support to help you make authentic connections and find your tribe?  Do you want a strategy to help you overcome the ego’s limiting beliefs and live a successful life? If so, please contact me, and we can put together an action plan for you to create the life you desire.

Get your FREEBlueprint to Overcoming Fearas a preview of my forthcoming book, Raven Transcending Fear, coming out in March!

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