When I hear the word “setback” I get a visual of a slingshot being “set”…pulled “back” so the object (you) can propell forward.
In this fast paced competitive western world these perceived setbacks are often times an opportunity to slow down and reflect before launching into something new OR launching you anyway because you are holding onto something that is keeping you “small” stuck and unsatisfied.
Something ends…a job, a relationship, all of a sudden & fears arise because us humans are scared of the unknown and thats why we cling onto things that arent necessarily good for us …they “feel” good because they are familiiar and we feel a sense of control and power that we can predict outcomes …the truth is we cannot predict anything even me a psychic!
Slowing down or things not going our way are seen as faliure or what many have an unconscious addiction to not being “productive” enough. The truth is that this is never the case…like His Holiness the 13th Dalai Lama says
“Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
…I could give you so many examples I am literally writing a book about this but heres just one to reiterate
There are no faliures! Only learning
This time of year the workplace can become a toxic battleground full of anxiety, stress, fears and competition replaces colleague comradery.
Around 4 years ago now my team leader meeting all the criteria for sociopathy would later bring me deep gratitude and compassion….of course I was not feeling as such during the time.
The worst was her making edits to my work (inserting errors) just so she could yell at me first thing in the morning! & for the entire office to hear that I wasnt perfect when in fact my work was fast and seamless and this was a direct threat to people. I even clearly advertised the fact this job was just paying the bills while I set up my practice as a holistic coach and mindfulness meditation teacher.
Instead of being praised for doing a great job I was hated for it an all pervasive toxic corporate culture these days. I made all attempts to move to another department and raise the red flags this department had a high staff turnover maybe this woman sould not be in a leadership role…maybe this goes beyond mental health ethical guides of this university but alas I was not heard, I was not helped.
Te greatest setback for me was panic attacks resurfacing after years of healing and therapy, I felt great defeat and even went beyond my ethical boundaries and asked my Doctor for medication just so I could go to work (& I was not medicated the whole time I had a panic disorder) The Doctor responded with a very clear “No! I will not give you medication because you do not have a mental condition, you have an environment that is causing this fear and panic”
Well thank my lucky stars for that Dr & every other “NO!” I received that resulted in my resignation from the best job (on paper) I’d ever had.
Since then my life has expanded in profound ways which includes many visits to the unknown…letting go…having courage and above all having faith.
The caterpillar has no idea there in the uncomfortable scary dark that actually the greatest thing ever is about to happen…emerging a butterfly with the freedom to fly.
So maybe what you are experiening now is just incubation time because your wings are ready, maybe this ending is actually the beginning of your best life or something better…I can tell you from experience that obstacles, perceived setbacks and faliures are always a re-direction to something better, there are upgrades available in your life and yes te unknown is scary but we must let go in order to align with whats best for us (and sometimes we dont know what that is so we just have to trust)
My panic resurfaced as fear, terror both out of survival and this experience was triggering previous trauma but something deep in my soul kept reminding me that everything was going to be ok, this was just temporary and my emotions were impermanent, seperate from who I really am.
Emotions do not define who you really are.
This little flame of faith kept me going and reminded me of my fire …my true passion that was teaching and coaching mindfulness…my courage to resign was also a powerful claim of my worth that I was no longer persuing my passions part time…that was not the ideal life scenario I had in mind but I was being logical instead of believing in my dreams.
I increased my daily mindfulness practice to keep grounded and it gave and still provides the strength and balance no matter what is going on. I have never looked back and right now I reflect that this time last year I was experiencing a painful ending that now I am rejoicing about because it led me here, where I am now….living my best life that I know will only get better…surrendering everytime in full faith launching into the unknown because even if its uncomfortable its always some kind of upgrade. Have faith that your new wings are ready for you, be brave & courageous…I have faith in you xxx