Community//

Why People Who Make Excuses for Narcissistic Abuse Piss Me Off Just As Much As The Abuser Does

I've lived with this crap my whole life. Y'all gotta stop just laying down for it.

Narcissists often are supported and upheld by the very people they target and abuse, allowing even more free reign for the narcissist to target and abuse the stronger people who see them for what they are: destructive, malformed, temper-tantrum-throwing 5-year-olds in adult’s bodies who seek only to control, manipulate, and suppress — even their own children — in order to feel “good” about themselves.

It’s a miserable existence, and it never ends. It’s an addiction — this sort of behavior has the same effect on them as heroin on heroin addicts. It’s called “seeking narcissistic supply.” When you are abused and gaslighted by these types of people for any length of time, you can become brainwashed into thinking that you are the crazy one — that’s what gaslighting is, and that’s exactly what they want in order to deflect their own wrongdoings — or into thinking that you at least have to tolerate this needlessly vicious cycle that they will perpetuate if they can until you are completely destroyed, or they die.

That was my father to a tee, and my mother and entire family still support and make excuses for the way he treated everyone, and they’ve accepted the destruction he left in his wake for years. They repeat the same abusive patterns he carved out for them long ago. They are beaten down and brainwashed. It’s “their normal,” and if you try to stand outside of that normal, you’re the crazy one. That’s been my entire life with them, and because I’ve still not been able to break many of these behavioral patterns set up for me in my young life, I’m still finding myself unwittingly falling into the role of being the victim of narcissistic abuse, whether I’m the target of bosses, landlords, so-called friends, or love interests. I get angry, I call them out, the abuse gets worse, the brainwashed supporters swarm, I get ganged-up on, and I finally leave the situation but not without feeling beat-up, emotionally drained, and more importantly — completely alone. Again. Having to start over. Again.

Why though? Why is this such a black-eye phenomenon on humanity? Aren’t we all born to enjoy life, to thrive with the skills and talents we are blessed with? To live and let live and support others just doing their own things their own way? That’s what I believe, that’s what I still want after years and years of dealing with these terrible situations, and it’s why Narcissistic Personality Disorder is particularly frustrating and painful for me.

I myself have made excuses or at least tolerated NPD behavior, especially in the case of friends or love interests, because of course I long for true human connection like normal mature people do. But narcissists use that against you in order to manipulate, control, and suppress. They do not have the same authentic desire to connect — they just don’t have it. That’s the scary part, but it’s an unfortunate reality that there are so many wolves in sheep’s clothing out there with NPD, just looking for another fix — that fix being you and me.

So to all those who are still popping the blue pills and supporting and excusing these people — you piss me off just as much as they do. I’ve taken the red pill. My eyes are wide open, I see the NPD phenomenon for what it is, and I do not support, uphold, excuse, or tolerate any of you. I am no longer going to let any of this hold me back. I can’t make this problem go away, but it is my mission to help myself and others confront it, deal with what has happened or is happening, and move past it into the lives we all should be living. 

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.