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Why Pain is So Necessary to Attract a Great Relationship

Dreaming about your future goals is great. But you only get there by confronting your past pain first.

“Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it.” – Winston Churchill, 1948 speech before the House of Commons

Raise your hand if you’re just a little impatient. Because my hand is raised right now. Maybe you can relate. I’ve always been a woman with big dreams, and big goals, and a big vision for the future.

The problem with that? Sometimes, we get so busy focusing on the future, that we forget to learn from our past mistakes.

I know the past can be painful. I know no one wants to take a trip back down memory lane, when memory lane includes abusive relationships, or giving too much of yourself to someone, or being rejected by someone you thought could have been your soulmate.

But love, the progress is in the pain. Do you want to know what my trips down memory lane taught me?  That I wasn’t setting boundaries. That when I had set boundaries, I wasn’t enforcing them. That I put wayyyy too much energy into some relationships before there was any real commitment. That I kept attracting broken men because I was broken myself.  

And those lessons taught me how to really do the work to attract better relationships. Because becoming a better dresser and learning make up tricks can help you get more dates. Sending flirty text messages can get you more dates. Practicing your conversational skills can get you more dates. But without doing the inner work first, those dates will only turn into dead-ends. Without learning from your past mistakes, and making a commitment to fixing them, you will either A) attract poor quality men, or B) push away perfectly good men with your baggage. Your past is not full of mistakes – it’s full of answers and clues to how to create the abundant life God has for you. When you take the time to push through the pain, you’ll find that the other side is full of more pleasure than you could ever dream of.

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