What is a divorce?
Is it a curse?
Or is divorce blessing in disguise?
Divorce! A heart-wrenching word ending one’s happy moments. A dissolution of marriage and the separation of two hearts that has been one.
How many among you failed in countless things in your life, including your marriage? You are not alone. It has been 5 years since I married a man whom I thought was my first and last marriage. I thought that was a dream come true! 6 months after what it seems like a perfect marriage, things started crumbling down. I used to ask, why do people get married only to have fallen out of love later, wreck each other’s lives and get divorced? That was a question from a naive version of myself.
I once thought that when two people decided to get married, they have decided to be with each other, no matter what! Two people willing to make each other’s life perfect even through imperfect situations! Ohh, wait! Was I wrong to think that way about marriage? No, I don’t think I’m wrong. Have you thought the same thing when you got married?
Yes! Marriage is a beautiful thing. Two hearts become one, promised to hold each other through thick and thin. Understand each other even in rough times, and love each other till death do you part. BUT, that’s only when you married the RIGHT person.
I was 23 years old when I met a man twice my age through the internet. 4 years later he came to the Philippines and it was May of 2013 when I was living the dream, (that’s what I thought). Feeling like a Princess wearing a red beautiful wedding gown with a long flowing trail, walking in the aisle of petals, in a beautiful garden. There, in the altar waiting is my prince with a wide smile on his face. At last, after years of a long distance relationship, we finally put an end to the distance. I couldn’t ask for more (at least that’s what I thought).
Fast forward to six months later after that perfect moment, the benevolent prince (I thought) is turning into someone else that I didn’t know. The prince I promised to love and to cherish, till death do us part was turning into a malevolent black-hearted villain. You think he changed? No, he didn’t! People we thought we knew do not change, it was the mask that fell off and revealed their true identity.
Did I blame him for all the pain and suffering I went through? To be honest, Yes I did. In fact, I accursed him for everything that he put me through. That includes unpaid utility bills on my name, unpaid apartment bills, unpaid cash debts. Then, telling people that I left him, stole all his money and debit card. What a great man, wasn’t he? Certainly NOT!
We all tend to point fingers at each other if something did not work out, instead of trying to work it out. You might be wondering, did I gave up easily when the shit hit the fan? No! I tried my best, at least I thought that was my best, to save the marriage because I didn’t believe in divorce. But relationships are like dancing the tango, you need two to tango right? You cannot do it alone. My man recently showed me a quote from Facebook: Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit. This is exactly what it felt like in my past marriage.
Later on, I realized that it wasn’t his fault at all. It was all my fault. I underestimated the power of the dark side (haha) but seriously, there is no villain if there is no prey, right? I was naive and foolish! I was out of my mind! I married someone I verily have no idea who he really was. I married someone I meet and talked to behind the computer screen. If I knew what I know now, I would never waste those years of my life for a nonsense like that. But then, I wouldn’t know what I know now if it isn’t because of that nonsense experience.
Actually, I believe that my divorce was a blessing in disguise and I believe that it might be for many of you. Don’t you agree? I think Divorce is the best gift you could give to yourself. If you don’t agree with me, let me tell you why Divorce is a blessing in disguise.
What is a blessing? According to my friend, Mr. Google, the blessing is a beneficial thing for which one is grateful. It is a prayer asking for God’s favor and protection.
I define blessing as:
B – Beautiful
L – Learning and
E – Experiences
S – Served as my
S – Strength during
I – Indecisiveness
N- Naivety and
G – Grudges
Why my divorce is a blessing in disguise?
Divorce is not for the weak! It takes all your strength and courage to keep going after a heartbreaking experience. It is normal to feel defeated, hurt, and broken to pieces, but when you get back up, no one can shake you.
My divorce helped me know myself better, it defined who I am and it encouraged growth. I discovered my inner self and I became the woman I am today. I am smarter, stronger and the confident woman more than I ever thought I could be.
Most of the time divorce changes us, but it should change us for the better. You might agree with me, that most divorced women became women with quality and standards. We, divorced women don’t settle for something or someone who doesn’t meet our standards (men, hint for you) isn’t it?
Divorced women become stronger, wiser, more successful and more prepossessing. Don’t believe me?
Katty Perry, Kim Kardashian, Wendy Davis, Sheryl Sandberg, Elizabeth Gilbert are just a few in many names that can prove it other than myself.
Through my divorce, I learned that you don’t marry someone just because you think you love them. You marry someone because you believe and know you are willing to fall in love over and over again. Marriage can’t work if two people won’t work it out.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”. Painful but these are the words that helped me realize being married is not for people who just “love” each other. LOVE is not enough! If you are planning to get married, don’t do it if you think you just love the person you’re going to marry. Marry them because you are in love with them and will continue to do so. Do it because you know each other so well and you can make magic happen.
Marriage is not like eating a hot potato that you can just drop it when it’s too hot to eat. You don’t marry someone because they complete you. You should marry someone because you complete each other, you grow together, and you learn how to complement each other .
How many of you believe in second chances? My divorce granted me a second chance to be proud of myself, learn from my mistakes, and to appreciate myself. We could never fix what was already done, that is not what second chances is about. We are given a second chance to prove to ourselves that we could do better and to discover our full potential.
Every pain you felt becomes your ammo for every challenge that life throws at you. Every broken piece that shattered, becomes your shield from anything that will try to destroy you. And this is the part that you become who you really are, and discover what you are made of.
My divorce led me to someone who taught me how privileged I am to be divorced. See, my friend? Divorce is not the end of the world, even if feels like it at first. After you realized that your separation from people who are making your life miserable is actually a blessing, you will be one of the happiest people you could ever imagine.
After all the pain and heartbreaks, serendipity brought me a man whom I never thought would exist. If this is not a blessing, I don’t know what to call it. Because I was brave enough to let go of what was undermining my soul, I was able to appreciate the second chance that life rendered to me.
After two years of wheedling, my man, John managed to win me over. His love is undeniably overflowing that sometimes it made me doubt myself if I am worthy of it. He never fails to remind me how it is to be truly loved, how it is to be trusted and how it really feels not to be lied to. And I am ready to prove that I am not wrong to believe that marriage is beautiful when you marry the RIGHT person. I appreciate every drop of tears, every pain I felt, and every debt I paid. Because my divorce is indeed a blessing in disguise.
If you are someone who is facing a divorce, don’t be afraid. The pain you are feeling now is nothing compared to the joy you will be feeling later. Things might not be what you wanted now, but it is actually preparing you for what you will need later. Be brave and wipe away your tears together with the person who made you cry and made you feel weak.
If you are divorced do you believe that your divorce is a blessing in disguise? How did you survive a harrowing experience?