It’s okay to mourn our losses. It’s okay to hurt for the dreams that didn’t work out. It’s okay to not have things figured out. While people says that failure is the way to success, but when you are in it, it’s the worst feeling in the world.
For example.
I hated losing president. I knew that I would be creating jobs for people in the real world and wanted a “experimental” run to see how it works. Hey, I figured college was the one place where you can make mistakes, fall flat on your face and learn from your mistakes. I didn’t think college kids could be so cruel, but they can be! I never won at popular contests or politics. I overheard what some people in my organizations said about me behind my back. I figure since they didn’t have the guts to say it to me in person, I really couldn’t take them seriously. But it was noted. When someone said something to me personally, I appreciated the feedback.
I ran it past an alumni member, and she said “haters are going to hate.” Then I realized that it doesn’t make no sense to work with jealous cutthroat people so I made a tough decision. The organizations I poured my heart into I decided to cut ties and start over. You know, get a fresh start in the real world.
Sometimes it’s best to cut your losses and build your own court else where. Did having any school president/executive board experience make a difference in me being CEO/Founder/Whatever title of any company? In my experience, not really. I can honestly say that in every business I’m involved with today, I always find myself self-improving and learning brand new skills. The positions I held in school isn’t making a huge difference (but they were fun and got my mind off things). I don’t want to say I wasted my time. But I felt like the time I put into these organizations didn’t matter to most people.
I realized that my best wasn’t enough. And sometimes, when people don’t care, you just got to show that you are better at it.
That’s my quick “fail” story.
This professor listed his failures to let people know that it’s normal to not be perfect. The successes are visible, and the failures become invisible. And it’s very true that most people rarely judge your journey once you reach the top.
Do you look at other peoples’ social media sites and think their lives are perfect?
We really need to address and talk about what social media doesn’t show, like those the blank spaces in between the statuses and photos. When you see photos of your friends, do you say amazing life? (Yes I totally do say the amazing life for friends). Or do you think. “All I’ve seen about your life is amazing.” Now I’m not saying to analyze every photo and say “I wonder how long they had to wait in line or did they have to wait two hours in traffic.” Hell, I don’t do that and don’t read so much into it. If my friends appear and talk about how happy they were, I assume the cuties were happy.
BUT.
But how many times have you smiled in a photo and posted it on social media when the story really went something like this.
“Here’s how it really was in that photo: “I had no money, or, “That concert was terrible and I was angry I paid all that money. I had no room to breathe, or “we were stuck in the airport overnight due to that snowstorm.” Things mess up in life and it’s ok! The deeper questions that made me think (and I hope you all have conversations about!).
Is the life you’re projecting on social media overpowering the reality you are privately sharing? Is the life you’re posting online different from the one you’re actually living? Can you apply that same logic when looking at posted lives of others?
Not suggesting you air every detail of your dirty laundry on social media for the world to see, but it is something to think about.
Advice that I wish I followed
- If you feel terrible, find someone to talk to! In APO, (one of those organizations) there was 2 people that I’m still very fond of who reached out to me. I was deathly afraid to tell them what was going on. At the time, I was appealing some decisions that was unfair by my school (long, complicated story). I had a lot of weight to carry on my shoulders and there was additional difficult things I had a hard time coming to terms with. I realize by not leaning on them, I was rejecting them by default, even if I didn’t mean to. I didn’t take the time to consider that they could have similar situations to mine and there was a chance that they could relate to me.
- Don’t bottle things up inside you. Just don’t.
- Someone relates to you and understands what is happening to you. If you think you are alone, you are not.
- The life that we post on social media sometimes is not real. Heck, even if it is real, don’t compare your life to other people.
Remember: It’s OK to not be perfect. It’s OK to not be OK.
A version of this appears in the Huffington Post.
If you or know someone that needs help, call 1–800–273–8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Hello! I’m Alesha! I’m a musician, actress, entrepreneur and writer and recent hospital patient (I still can’t believe that is real).Follow on Twitter. Let me know what you want me to write! Click here! I’m writing for Thrive Global, who’s mission is to change the way we work and live. As stated by Arianna Huffington, for far too long, we have been operating under a collective delusion that burning out is the necessary price for achieving success. This could be less true. All the latest science is conclusive that, in fact, not only is there no trade-off between living a well-rounded life and high performance, but performance is actually improved when we prioritize our health and well-being. It’s time to move from knowing what to do to actually doing it. With Thrive Global leading the way, I’m confident that we can have a mindset change on work-life balance. If you like what I’m writing, give me a heart and share! 🙂
Originally published at medium.com