What can I say about my mental health journey, its more like what can’t I say?
So much to say!
I’d like to think I am ok now, my true authentic self is finally here and every day I show up to the world as the “Real Rebecca Nicholls” its liberating. It’s something I advocate and I am passionate about seeing other women show up as their true selves too!
It’s been ugly its been lonely, self loathing, desperate, frustrating, and general clouds of darkness. I didn’t have much choice, the situation I was born into was a pre existing condition. My mother had suffered from mental health issues long before I was born.
There is a great deal of mystery to my mothers life and childhood, she refuses to talk about it. Even with me, I don’t know why but I think its maybe to do with shame, and guilt, or fear of being judged. I believe it will help her just like me,and it saddens me that I can’t help her. I have tried but the kind of work I do isn’t really mainstream, but more awareness is coming and I believe things are improving because more women are using their voice.
I believe my mum was a abused when she was younger, physically, sexually and this has effected her. When I left home the first time at around 14, I went to stay with family members, this is where I was groomed by an older relative. This left my traumatised for many years, I believe my mum experienced the same. I want to desperately help her, really I do.
This is particularly frustrating for me because I am a Life coach and a Reiki Master, my main objective is to help women through my coaching programs find themselves and heal themselves from the trauma they have suffered. For many years I couldn’t talk about what happened to me out of fear, but it’s something I am happy to discuss today because more women need to be free.
I know everyone thinks money will make you happy and yes it did for a bit ( I won the lottery in 2014) but then I needed more, I needed purpose so I pursued a career as a coach and Reiki practitioner because really and truly thats what this life is about, purpose.
Most of the women who come onto my programs and of course myself at one point all have something in common. They lack passion and purpose in their lives, but they also lack self love. I spent many years in self loathing, too many years in fact, I was constantly obsessing on how I looked, what I wore, how I sounded and often compared myself to other women. It was kinda soul destroying and it lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking and drug and sex addictions.
The biggest challenge I still have , not so much myself but definitely the women I work with is that they feel that their story isn’t worth sharing, or that if it isn’t valid enough or and this isn’t a big one, we shouldn’t really talk about our mental health or GOD FORBID share it with the world. As you can tell I don’t really care anymore, life became much more magical for me when I decided to just say “It is what it is”!
Like what’s the worse that can happen?
Truth be told no matter what you do in this life , you will be ultimately judged. Sorry about that, unfortunately the Egoic mind ( Your EGO ) loves to be right, loves to judge, seeks validation and loves to compete.
Once we can all get to a state of mind where we only seek to “BE” the beautiful BEINGS we were sent here to be, we will forever be searching like Alice down the hole trying to figure out which path to go.Life isn’t as complex as we make it out to be, once we lose the idea that more stuff or more attention will make us happy we actually find happiness within ourselves, its a beautiful never ending story of content, peace, and harmony.
The rise of the Divine Feminine energy has sparked a rise in the word Feminist, and its use across all media. I am a Feminists, yes we should all be Feminists because for without the women there are no men. I am proud to advocate for Mental Health in women and to break the stigma around mental health issues in general. I get women contacting me afraid, scared, lonely and fearful of being judged.
None of us are to simply here to just pay bills and die! We are here to explore and be adventurous and seek out the pleasures in life. We are here to enjoy ourselves, become childlike if you need to. This is how I found myself again, as a young girl I loved to write. Go back to the human being you were before the world told you who to be, I think this may be the only way to truly emancipate yourself.
All the Love