Why do we make New Year’s Resolutions?

The Power of asking for Help.

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Maybe this sounds familiar. You’re out with friends at a social gathering or get together and you’re feeling good, and you look at each other and say “THIS IS GOING TO BE OUR YEAR!”

Rinse. Repeat.

New Year’s resolutions are an illusion. New Year’s resolutions are a great marketing plan. Gyms literally have membership deals because they know and plan on you not committing.
As a generalization, we are often so caught in our patterns the first 334 days of the year, then once December hits, our bodies naturally become tired and move at a slower pace, we start to question our lives and then make plans, mostly doomed to fail, and finally, we start reading positive Instagram quotes created by other people who are also insecure and hard onthemselves but just have a stronger marketing plan in hopes that we will all just be good enough and accepted.

(a photo I took in Southampton, NY while feeling anxiety to remind myself of the beauty surrounding me)

We say “I’m going to lose this weight”, or, “I’m going to remove negative people from my life”, and then slowly but subconsciously, we find ourselves in very familiar circumstances. Wherever you go, there you are.

I personally have been on a journey of self-discovery. A journey I NEVER thought I would find myself on, sometimes barely recognizing myself, losing myself in other people’s patterns trying to people please, and quite honestly questioning my sanity. I have healed and healed….and then healed some more. All holistically. Spiritually. Reading, learning ancient wisdom, studying subconscious beliefs and patterns. Just when I thought I was over it, BAM! A brand new door of anxiety and negative self-talk showed itself.

(Overcoming my insecurities and self image issues.
Photo credit: Kyriaki Chonacas)

So, do I have the answer to all your problems? No, but I can tell you what I have learned recently.

The simplest yet complex thing that has changed my life recently has been just writing a list of things to do. For some people, this might be an obvious statement. For us procrastinators you might nod and smile, knowing like me, you will write on a note to start writing more notes. If you are anything like me, it’s okay to acknowledge this silly pattern and maybe even laugh at yourself.

The most powerful thing I have done recently is committed to taking responsibility and holding myself accountable in EVERY situation that I feel goes wrong. The hardest thing I decided to do was to admit that I needed help. Once I had a real evaluation of my life, of the trauma I went through, and how I so humanly tucked it deep down, I got the help I needed and have finally found a feeling of peace, and a way to dance with these often confusing emotions.

(Photo I took while in Athens, Greece. Every one of these homes has a different set of issues, but it was in Greece where I saw the power of community and culture).

We don’t want to be “one of those people” who go to therapy or take pills. We are taught this is a weakness. Most of us want to point at politicians, we point at our family, and we point at everything else but ourselves. When I started and committed to this simple yet daunting task, I started finding freedom, and peace. I started gaining my power back. I started recognizing myself, seeing myself as the young child who everyone loved.

Life still happens, but I have peace of mind, even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when I cry. Even when I shake. I asked for help, I opened up, I got help, I am still in the journey, but the best teacher, in my opinion, is one that has just learned the lesson and it’s still fresh in their mind.

The point of this article is not to offer you a solution, but to just be okay with who you are, how you are, why you are when you are what you are.

I really do hope 2019 is your best year YET. Embrace the new challenges one deep breath at a time. Find a masterminding partner. Let yourself fail…Remember who you are past all this adulting. Write a list and commit. #1) Laugh at yourself!

Finally, if you are looking for more peace of mind, I would like to suggest an AMAZING book (not sponsoring this article) I am still in the process of listening to (because I’m a hipster who listens to free audiobooks, thanks to my local library).
Now, for those of us who know our childhood affects how we perceive the world, there is scientific research to back this claim.

CHILDHOOD DISRUPTED by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. 

I wish you peace. Lastly, try to find a community. If you’re feeling anxiety or depression, there are other people like yourself who are actually great people. You can sometimes find these great people in Facebook groups, meet up groups, bulletins posted in your local library or even Whole Foods. The secret to happiness is the moments we share together. Happy New Year! Love, Nicky

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