Community//

Why do people get married?

Love or Loneliness?

It starts with a kiss

Love or Loneliness?

I have witnessed so many times a union of two people based on the illusion of love. But when the veil is lifted, it’s loneliness at the core that brings people together. I don’t mean to take the magic away from the blissful and ceremonial act of marriage. I loved being married. But I think its time to call a spade a spade.

Basically we learn love through our parents or loved ones that intimately participated in our upbringing. We hope they did the best job they could with the skills sets they had at the time, but in many cases its dodgy at best. (Side note: I adore my parents and there’s no hidden message here regarding my family) There’s no manual folks so everybody’s winging it!

The truth is that we get together in relationships to heal our wounds. Most of the time mommy and daddy ones but wounds none the less. After our first 5 years on the planet we’ve pretty much learned the chains of love. How to get love and how to lose it, is engraved in us at a cellular level. Unless your parents were Gandi, Buddha, Krishna or Jesus — you’re pretty much gauranteed that the love you learned was conditional. Not intentional but certainly conditional. Let me expand….

We pass down energy from generation to generation unknowingly. Everything we do is based from either a place of fear or love. All the fears and suffering from our ancestors come to haunt us — literally — until we heal the wounds. The reality is most people don’t take the time to do the work and peel the layers back to get to the core. Which ultimately results in knowing love unconciously as conditional.

Conditional love causes expectations. Expectations cause disappointment. And disappointment causes divorce. It’s really that simple. But what if we had no expectation of another in relationships? What if we enjoyed getting to know their soul and how they express themselves instead of judging them? What if we didn’t get married or enter special relationships until we could love ourselves unconditionally first?

Society & procreaction provides a foundation for the dellusion that we should not be alone. But it is when we can be alone and be in love that we actually know what love is instead of knowing love as a means to filling a void. What if we all knew and accepted that our only task in life is to love ourselves first? I don’t mean narcisistic love but true self-love? What if we focused on knowing how to share our love unconditionally? Wow, how the world would change.

When we lack self love we will inevitably fear loneliness. Unfortuantely this causes a desperation to find ‘someone’ that fits our expectations — or our parents expecations….

So, what if we taught children to focus on loving themselves first instead of finding ‘the one’ to fill the holes in their heart? What if we really knew at a young age how to give and receive love unconditionally? Inevitably we would shift the world into a place of blissful sharing of unconditional love. Hence, pollinate the planet with love.

Ironically in a quest for love, we lose love. Heartbreak doesn’t have to be viewed as a loss but a gain into what wounds we set ourselves out to heal in a life time. I believe heartbreak is one of the most transformational energies we can experience. The sooner we embrace these opportunities for growth, the sooner we realize we are just projecting our life lessons to learn our connection to our own love and light.

If you’re struggling with the feeling of loss of love I would encourage you to look into the confusion of loneliness disguised as love. It’s your soul calling you back to unconditional love. Listen to it and learn from it instead of wollow in it. Love yourself and watch the world shift around you. I guarantee you won’t be lonely ever again.

It should end in the laughter of love

Originally published at medium.com

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.