Why Did It Take a Miracle to Focus on Me?

The journey to finding what I wanted and why I wanted it

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The Call That Changed Everything:

I remember it like it was yesterday, I picked up the phone, “This is Jessica”, it was my OBGYN, in the coming sentences my heart felt like it stopped, my blood pressure raised, my ears heard the message that made me want to lie in bed, my unborn child may not make it to birth and if my baby did, my baby may die at birth. This was the day that my whole life changed. As we worked through the high-risk pregnancy, I said many prayers, I silently cried, and I knew I would never be the same. 

Prior to this news I knew I wanted things to be different, I just wasn’t clear on what I wanted. I was clear on one thing, what I didn’t want… I didn’t want to feel stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, exhausted, I didn’t want to feel like I was always doing something for someone else, like at the end of the day there was no time for me, I did not want to be so irritable and get frustrated quickly and snap at my kids, I was tired of feeling like I always needed a break. I was tired of feeling burned-out.

The Miracle Of Knowing: 

What this news brought was the opportunity for me to grow a deeper relationship with myself. At the end of nine months (really, it’s 10 months but nobody tells you this!), I delivered a healthy baby boy, I delivered a miracle. In that moment, was elation, joy, and a knowing. A knowing that my life would no longer be the same. On that May day, with my healthy baby in my arms, I committed to changing my life, I committed to focusing on me and my needs, wants, and desires. I also committed to be of service, as I was so blessed to hold this miracle in my arms.

The Commitment To Myself:

This commitment brought forth reading and researching, the engineer in me needs the facts, attending classes and courses and seminars and retreats, and going back to school. A common message throughout these teachings is to look within and determine what I want. WHAT I WANT? What I want?! What a crazy concept!!! I had always done things for others, my kids, my husband, my family, my employer. What did I want? Why did I want it?

As I learned what I wanted, I also learned the why behind the want is key. ‘My Why’ was and still is because I want my children to know that all the answers they seek are within themselves, I want my children to trust themselves, to believe in themselves, to know they can achieve anything, to pursue their dreams with passion, and to give back to others. I want to be the example of ‘My Why’ for my children, I know my actions speak louder than my words. 

The What I Want Exercise:

Here is a simple exercise you can use to gain clarity on what you want and your why… Download the worksheet on my website:

  1. Take out a piece of paper draw a line across the top and a line down the center of the page. On the top left side of the line write the word Less, on the top right side of the line write the word More. 
  2. Ask yourself, what do I want less of in my life? Write this down on the left side under Less. Continue this process until you have nothing more to add. 
  3. Ask yourself, what do I want more of in my life? Write this down on the right side under More. Continue this process until you have nothing more to add.
  4. Ask yourself “why do I want the things in the more column?” Ask yourself this question at least three times to get deeper and deeper into your why.

My Hope For You: 

I hope this exercise brings you clarity and a closer connection with yourself and your inner knowing, I hope you choose to start focusing on you, I hope you start to look within to see what you want, and I hope you choose to make the changes in your life rather than go through a difficult situation that forces change, my hope is that your miracle is this article.

Jessica is a lover of personal growth, a working mom, and works with high achieving individuals who desire to transform their lives to work more inspired, to overcome stress, overwhelm, and overwork, and to live happier, more fulfilling lives. To learn more about Jessica visit her website at

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