I’ve experienced the pain of cheating first hand from a romantic partner, and it is pain that I would not wish on anyone. But pain is our greatest teacher.
Relationships are built on foundations and the principal foundation is trust. Whether it is a friendship, business partnership, or romantic relationship, all types of relationships are based on two people learning how to trust each other.
When someone is cheated on, the trust is shattered and the once seemingly rock solid foundation that the relationship was built on is no longer there. Of course a new foundation can be set down and built from there, but it can be difficult for most people to rebuild, but not impossible.
Many people enter in partnerships feeling some sense of emptiness, unworthiness, and/or insecurity. Perhaps some people hope their partner will fill the empty parts, validate them, and complete them. However, no one is going to validate your worth and make you happy. The typical “drug” for the emptiness or self-abandonment that some feel inside is attention and approval and using another person to fill the inner emptiness.
In my experience, I was cheated on by someone who I believe is one of soulmates. He has been one of my greatest teachers. When I looked beyond the egoistical reasons of the cheating and stopped blaming my partner, I was able to see there was a lesson in it. And if so many people in the world are experiencing partners who lie, cheat, or hide things, maybe collectively as Spirtual beings having human experiences, we can learn something, grow further, and hopefully help ease the pain whilst going through the lesson.
For me, personally, cheating was a wake-up call. It was a wake-up call to not be in a relationship because I am comfortable or content. If you read enough self-help books or articles from the self-help world, they always say that you MUST love and value yourself first if you want to attract a partner who is able to do the same for you. It’s true. In the past, I did not love or value you myself. I put on a façade of self-confidence. But deep down I wasn’t sure who I was. I did things to please other people even if I wasn’t fully honoring myself. I didn’t like the person who stared back at me in the mirror.
But I had to look back in the mirror and see what part of me was allowing me to accept my circumstances.
What aspect of your behavior is drawing in the repetitive experiences? And what might you change in yourself to break the patterns?
So, what if being cheating on is a lesson of self-growth and self-love? An opportunity to do some inner-healing and trust and value yourself again. It is said that our external world is a reflection of our internal world. So what if internally you were cheating yourself and externally reproduced an experience of being cheated on? You cheated yourself because you knew intuitively or energetically that something was off in your life or your relationship, you felt unsafe, knew (deep down) that you deserved better, but you did nothing. I even used to say to my cheating partner “You don’t deserve me,” but still carried on with the relationship and did nothing to help or improve it.
Perhaps the one take away of cheating is to trust yourself. How many of us are doubting ourselves and our decisions every single day? We doubt if we are ready. We doubt if we are good enough. We doubt if anyone will listen to us.
We need to set intentions to do things differently. After all, our intention is the most powerful thing we have and in any given moment we can either have the intention to protect ourselves against the pain or the intent to learn from the pain. If we choose to protect ourselves from the pain, we ultimately aren’t offering ourselves the chance to learn and grow from it. When we put the intention to learn from the pain, we can truly thrive and grow.
If we trust and honor ourselves and know that the universe is always working in our higher good and has our back, there is nothing to worry about. It may sound “woo woo” to trust in the universe. But it is more that I trust myself. I show up and do the work. I believe in myself and know everything will be okay. And what is reflected back to me externally? Everything is okay. In fact, it is more than okay. Life is beautiful and great. I am so eternally grateful.
There is no sugar coating it: cheating sucks. When it happened to me I was dramatic, wanted vengeance on my partner, and was incapable of seeing the meaning behind it because I was too hurt, too sick of (yet another) a person taking advantage of me, too fed up of bad things happening to me (the good person).
But once I got through to the other side of the pain, I could see clearly. I now attract in relationships full of love, safety, communication, commitment, and happiness. Relationships that challenge me in healthy ways where I can grow from a place of security and love and not insecurity and doubt. I am not just talking romantic partnerships either. I attract in soul friendships too.
Perhaps cheating doesn’t have to be the ultimate betrayal. The spiritual lesson of cheating is to trust and love yourself more. Trusting yourself, expressing your needs and wants in a relationship and not accepting anything less. Through cheating can come the gift and lesson of loving, valuing, and trusting yourself more.
In love and light,