Why Belief in Conspiracy Theories is a Sign of Mental Illness

I was shown the movie ‘The Exorcist’ when I was much too young and it terrified me so thoroughly and for so long that when I was 10 years old and a friend pulled a Ouiji board out of her cupboard, I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran out of her house […]

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.

I was shown the movie ‘The Exorcist’ when I was much too young and it terrified me so thoroughly and for so long that when I was 10 years old and a friend pulled a Ouiji board out of her cupboard, I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran out of her house (forgetting my shoes) and all the way back home, up into my room, and falling immediately onto my knees to pray to Jesus to wash me clean of any evil cooties that the Ouiji board might have gotten on me.

When I told my mother why I left my shoes at my friends house and why I was not going back there to get them, she calmly assured me that ‘the Exorcist’ film was not real and that it was ‘just a movie’, ‘just a fake story that didn’t really happen’. I accepted this truth and moved on with my life because I knew that I had a gullible side to me; one time when I swallowed a watermelon seed, a classmate told me that a watermelon would grow inside me and explode therefore killing me. When I ran home to my mom she had to explain how plants need sunshine and dirt and other favourable environmental variables in which to grow, and that no watermelon would ever have chance at life inside my stomach, filled with powerful hydrochloric acid. A huge sigh of relief came over me.

So when I was sent to the psych ward after an Ayahuasca trip that lasted for forty days (which I write about in my book ‘The Big Dream; My Terrifyingly Beautiful Shamanic Initiation into the Arts’) naturally I was very confused as to why my mother was calling an Exorcist and not a psychiatrist when I got home.

It turns out Possession, while admittedly extremely rare, is real; and I experienced it first hand.

It all started when I began dating a conspiracy theorist when I was little (about 22). This person’s entire family was drenched in the teachings of people like David Ike and Alex Jones and believed that the Royal Family of England were actually a group of Lizard/Alien/Shapeshifters who were using mind-control on the Earth’s population from a space station on the moon. Apparently, this group of alien/lizard-people were using subconscious mind control through the knowledge of the occult; and would present their masonic and illuminati imagery all over the world (hiding in plain sight) in order to control your mind using symbols (which our psyches understand on a deep level). According to him would do things like add fluoride into the water systems in order to calcify the pineal gland of the human brain- making true spiritual insight impossible for us; turning all all into sheep.

I didn’t pay much attention to these theories at first; they seemed very stupid and I thought it was sort of a joke, or a phase that would pass, but it never did. It only intensified. My ex-partner starting talking about the ‘end of days’ and bought a motorcycle so that he had a practical way to get out of LA when the apocalypse hit. He started collecting essentials like gasoline, canned foods, seeds and learned how to fish so that when the time came when there was a race war, he could live off the land and survive.

Eventually I was roped in to this dark & hypnotic thought form by my partners interest in becoming a ‘free-man-on-the-land’ (which is every conspiracy theorists dream because it means is that you give up your membership to society by emancipating yourself from the government. You no longer need a drivers license, you don’t have to pay taxes, and you are exempt from having to get vaccines (which, according to conspiracy theorists are the #1 tool of the Illuminati/New World Order/Lizard people in controlling and poisoning the human population & turning them into slaves).

I thought this idea was interesting because I had never thought about the fact that I entered into a social system that I didn’t consent to. Why was I paying taxes to a government who was spending my money on doing horrible things like cutting down old growth forests for toilet paper, invading indigenous lands with oil pipelines and throwing garbage into the ocean? Being a free-man on the land meant that you didn’t have to participate in any of it. I started to engage him in these ideas and before I knew it I was mesmerized by the dark and hypnotic thought form of evil that would eventually take possession of my body.

He told me that 911 was a hoax, and inside job done by the government in order to install Martial Law (direct military control of normal civil functions or suspension of civil law by a government). He also believed school shootings were inside jobs as well.

Somehow all of this started to click, and make perfect sense. It helped me make meaning out of seemingly random tragic events. It gave me purpose as well, because now that I had this secret information it was now my job to ‘expose the truth’ to everyone, and ‘save’ them from the New World Order was was quietly being implemented right under their very noses.

As I learned more, I discovered that this evil plan had been in motion since the time of the Egyptian empire. (I mean WHY ELSE would there be a pyramid on the American $1.00 bill with an All-Seeing-Eye??).

My partner starting showing me YouTube videos about how the Christian Religion was connected to the Egyptian Empire and we say ‘Amen’ after prayer because it is short for ‘Amentoep’ an Egyptian God. He told me there was a huge conspiracy where the Illuminati were co-opting the Catholic faith by using pagan rituals, practises, calendars, and prayers in order to indoctrinate catholics on the sub-conscious level to ‘The New World Order’ that was being built over thousands of years and was kept in motion by secret occult groups like the Free-Mason’s and Illuminati.

I became sucked right into this idea and was watching hours and hours of YouTube videos that dive deeper and deeper into these ideas. And because we are all psychically interconnected via the super-Conscious mind, when someone believes something and entertains a thought form in their might, it is like you are investing your life force into it.

When you start to believing something conceptual, you are now taking part in the creative power of that thought form, it’s karma and in what that thought form is manifesting on earth; like a psychic hedge fund, it pays dividends.

What that also means is that that hedge fund is now making choices for you. You have become completely hypnotized. Its like being under a spell…You are no longer making decisions based on your truth.

This thought form started to make me believe that women were innately inferior to men because of the story of Adam and Eve. My partner believed this to be true, and I began to take the role of a subservient wife. I did all of the cooking, and the cleaning, I worked a day job to pay our rent so he would live his life as an unemployed actor, I fucked him even when he would call me the n-word, because according to this way of life, it was my duty as his wife.

My inferiority in the relationship deepened when he began to talk about his beliefs that black people were incapable of philosophic or esoteric thought because they were primitive. He made me believe because I was half black, that I couldn’t understand high concepts, and therefore I must believe him because he was white and had to lead the way for me. I exited the throne of my own being, leaving it open for some other entity to sit in.

He interpreted the story of Jesus that Jesus couldn’t have been just a man, with powers like his he had to be an alien too. He thought Jesus’s consciousness was of extraterrestrial nature and that the message he was bringing could only be understood by white people, and that is why they were superior. He thought black people and other indigenous folx were ‘idiotic pagans’, doomed to never reach a state of higher consciousness.

It was no surprise that eventually my body and spirit started to shut down. I became incredibly depressed and desperate. The conspiracy theories in my mind were now ruling everything I did. I was no longer thinking for myself. I no longer had any power in my life. I was handing my life over to a man, and to a thought form that would have me believe that me and my life were meaningless and worthless, and that Aliens and incorporeal spirits were in control of the world and therefore my life.

It was these feelings that brought me to seek out an ayahuasca ceremony. I had heard that it was soul medicine and I knew I needed serious help.

Four days before my ayahuasca ceremony, the possession of my mind grew into the possession of my body, and for about 14 hours one night, I felt invisible spirits passing through my body. I was taken over by several invisible energy forces, each one specific with a personality that rushed itself through my body and took over my gestures, my movements and even my voice. I spoke in tongue, in languages that I never learned, and at one point I was unable to stop myself from rhyming everything I said like a court jester. (I tell this entire story in my book, ‘The Big Dream; My Terrifyingly Beautiful Shamanic Initiation into the Arts’)

After that night I was like a zombie, just doing everything I was told to by the cruel and dominating voices that were in my head. They started to tell me that there was going to be a race war, and that I must go underground; and thus an epic hallucination emerged from my brain where I was living out a biblical prophecy. After forty days of utter maddness (which is the subject of my book, ‘The Big Dream’), I ended up in the psychiatric ward of an L.A hospital with doctors trying to get to me understand that there was no Illuminati, that aliens weren’t real, and that the fluoride in the water was to help to stop your teeth from rotting.

The psychiatric doctors explained that belief and eventual obsession with conspiracy theories are a sign that a person is not well, and in a constant state of panic, overwhelm and anxiety. These trauma-based states are a result of unhealed and unprocessed trauma that fester and become mental illnesses.

Trauma-research shows us that trauma is healed through complex & sacred somatic body work & healthy relationships.

Trauma-research is new and new methods of healing trauma are only coming out now, after psychology became a science in 1879 and it is only now catching up with the wisdom & genius of indigenous and shamanic healing practices that have been used to heal and transform trauma since the dawn of man.

After my hospitalization, I met a traditional Indigenous healer who also happend to have a degree in Jungian psychology and years of experience counselling people who were using psychedelics to heal trauma, and hired him immediately to start to unravel and address what I had went through.

He explained to me that shamanism in its most essential form is exorcism.

Ayahuasca is shamanic medicine, therefore it’s purpose is to exorcise you from the traps of illusion that you might be living in- that is why we purge during ceremony and feel so cleansed.

When my hypnotized-ass entered into the ayahuasca ceremony, she had a different kind of case on her hands because of how deeply I had fell into evil. Thus, a forty day epic battle between good and evil emerged from my consciousness and had me living in a terrifying dream.

It was through the process of learning the truth of reality, of people and of the universe to gain my sanity back and make the foundation of my psychic health so strong that no influence of the ignorance of evil would ever tip me back into the rabbit hole.

About three years after my psychosis I was hired to do a film about the Charles Manson murders, a subject that I had never known much about.

When I started to dive into the research I found myself empathizing with this crazed murderer in the most interesting way; his belief system was in a the exact same conspiracy as the one I was drowning in during my psychosis. He was preaching to his ‘followers’ that there was going to be a race war, based on a biblical prophecy that traced back to the Egyptian times. He also had an oppsession with the occult.

His belief system was also held by Hitler. They both believed in gaining power through occult ritual and practice and believed in White Supremacy. Both became capable of horrifying crimes that would traumatize and terrorize the human race.

This is where shit gets scary for me.

How many otherwise ‘normal’ people do you know that are now sending you videos about the ‘plandemic?’.

I am a member of the yoga community and I am seeing an alarming amount of ‘spiritual’ people falling into this hypnotic conspiracy theory about 5G internet causing Corona virus therefore allowing the government (and Bill Gates) permission to inject you with a vaccine that will help the Illuminati keep you enslaved.

What is scary is that these well-intentioned people are now becoming Trump supporters, because they have all been taken possession of by this hypnotic and dark thought form that takes control of your will and starts to make your (voting) decisions for you.

Whats even more pressing is that thing now is that there is a real conspiracy revealing itself before our eyes; the Jeffery Epstein/Ghislaine Maxwell sex-trafficing ring that would indict Prince Andrew, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton and more.

Now the Illuminati conspiracy theorists are attaching themselves to a real conspiracy and the entire point of this whole story is being missed.

The sex-trafficking operation by Jeffery Epstein & Ghislaine Maxwell has been proven by evidence, a judge and a jury. These people leveraged their white-supremacy & political power & wealth (created by slaves) to cover-up horrifying crimes.

We have to ask ourselves, what is at the root of all this maddess? And how do we help our friends who, without a foundation of truth in their psyches, healthy relationships & connection to a purpose to keep them grounded in reality are now turning to conspiracy theories to make sense of their life, and in doing so, causing harm?

Is the chaos happening today a consequence of a group of lizard people controlling humanity from a space station on the moon? Or, has the white supremacist patriarchal society we live in so fucking toxic and traumatizing that we are experience a total breakdown of all structures that were build out of it?

For me, this sex-trafficking ring is a more horrifying thing than the Queen being a lizard.

This kind of conspiracy could only happen because for DECADES women spoke out about Jeffery Epstein and none of them were listened to, or taken seriously and because of it, even more children and women were raped and sexually abused.

The only thing that will bring humanity back into a relationship with reality is through the dismantling of white supremacy.

This happens on the most personal level of healing the traumatized bodies of BIPOC who have suffered at the hands of the illusion that one race is superior to the other.

Please start to see Anti-Racism work as your new spiritual practice, because that shit will uncover your shadow and bring you into the light like no other practice right now. It is the only way to address the problem of white supremacy at the root.

Building this foundation will allow for our future generations to live without the horrifying nightmare of white supremacy and actually have a chance to thrive and contribute to the evolution of life and humanity, like they were meant to.

If you have a friend who is a conspiracy theorist please engage them with the work of Anti-racism. Give them the book ‘Me & White Supremacy’ by Layla F. Saad and challenge them to 28 days of acknowledging and removing white supremacy from the self first, which will bring them into closer contact with reality.

Black Minds Matter, Black Lives Matter, we have to move forward with a fierce sense of groundedness and sanity.

Stay safe.


Buy My Book & Merch @ www.TheBigDreamProject.Com

Join my Patreon @

    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...


    Remembering My Mother

    by Mary Wilson

    ‘Sydney to the Max’ Star Ava Kolker: “No matter how many “No’s” in a row you get, stay optimistic, and stay excited”

    by Yitzi Weiner

    Least Likely to Succeed

    by Rico Aliers

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.