Why being a ‘yes’ woman doesn’t work

How to be empowered in love in 3 easy steps

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.

Have you ever noticed how in a work situation, we know that being a ‘yes’ person might be a quick fix to keeping peace at bay, and get on the right side of our bosses but that in the long term, no ‘yes’ people have really ever made it to the top? 

I have never worked with them but I somehow doubt very much the Sheryl’s, the Oprah’s or the Arianna’s of this world got to where they are today by being ‘yes’ women- doormats and people pleasers. 

However when it comes to love, many women I come across in my private and professional life, act in a total different way to what they do in their successful careers: they do not know how to say no, they are not in the driving seat and they are not empowered.

A huge struggle for many women is to break free from this pattern often leading to non existent or disastrous dating and relationships that don’t last.

So how to change this pattern and go from being a ‘yes’ woman to an empowered one? Here are 3 easy steps to get there fast and make it to the top of the dating pyramid:

  1. Clarify what works for YOU in dating/relationship. Write down a list of what you are looking for and highlight your non negotiable (be realistic and write from an authentic place). This simple exercise will help you with clarity and to identify some of the pitfalls you might have fallen into in the past.
  2. Create your own dating ‘rules’ and stick to them. For example, if you feel being offered a coffee date on a Monday night seems like second best: make this a rule for you: no dates on a Monday night. Don’t be a prison guard with your rules but having rules and sticking to them will mean you will naturally select dates that could work for you, rather than banging the wrong trees over and over again.
  3. Practise saying ‘no’ if it doesn’t suit you according to the ‘rules’ you have created in number 2. We are all different and what works for some, might not work for others but as a general rules of dating, pushing back seems to be far more attractive than accepting it all. Knowing what works for you and what you like will become an attractive feature of yours and desirability. 

Practise, practise, practise. And notice the ‘yes’ that will come your way, rather than having you feeling deflated, rejected and disempowered. See in front of your eyes how being a ‘yes’ woman is a thing of the past.

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...


You Miss 100% Of The Shots That You Don’t Take

by Allison Sara Reiner (McGinlay)

Gen X women CAN have it all

by Dena K Martines
Sarah Pendrick of GirlTalk Network

Owning Your Power as a Woman and Influencing the World: A Close-Up with GirlTalk’s Sarah Pendrick

by Mike Zeller

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.