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Where You Look Is Where You Go!

On March 24, 2000, I had rented a room in a hotel in Brampton, Ontario.  I checked in with a bottle of rye whiskey and a bottle of sleeping pills.  I had enough of life.  I was tired and wanted out of life – permanently.  All I saw in my life up until then was […]

On March 24, 2000, I had rented a room in a hotel in Brampton, Ontario.  I checked in with a bottle of rye whiskey and a bottle of sleeping pills.  I had enough of life.  I was tired and wanted out of life – permanently.  All I saw in my life up until then was under-achievements and failures. I had just gone through a marriage, the marriage break-up and separation, and trauma of a family breaking up which, had take my soul and spirit.  My dreams of pro-baseball never happened.  Everything in my life felt like such a struggle.  I felt invisible.  To me, suicide was the only answer.  I was no good to anyone – even my children.  Or so that is what my feelings at that time were trying desperately to convince me of.  Those feelings were seconds away from getting the best of me.  I survived that moment.  I discovered, or maybe re-discovered, a strength and a belief in me which, at that time, I was desperate to find – and I did.

The next eleven years were a re-building process: as a single man, a single parent, a new career with sole accountability of me, by me.  I tried to do my best with principles and morals and honor.  I am proud of how I persevered.  I am proud of how I went for help when I knew I needed to. I am proud of me as a parent, sometimes playing both roles; but I was not proud of how I treated myself, my human machine.  For all the good I was doing for others, I wanted to escape my demonic emotions that were still tearing me apart from decades of ridicule.  September of 2011, after building a very successful career in contracting, but one that truly owned me, I was diagnosed with clinical depression.  I was off work for ten months.  After three months of healing, I sat up on the couch and asked myself, “What do you want to do with your life?”  Yes, it’s the same line in Twisted Sister’s music video for the song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Then I asked myself, “Craig, what are you looking at?”  All I had been doing was looking at the negative: how hard it was, the cruelty from others, how unfair, etc…  I was looking at and connecting the wrong dots.  I decided to set some goals.  I dressed how I wanted to see myself.  Remember, I was off work so this was all in my own home with me and only me.  I started to read more to help re-wire my mind.  I realized that in life, there are no promises of fairness or success, and that no one, and I mean even best friends and family, “have” to support me, and that I had better find some way to deal with, and that will make me smile, through all the stresses of life that will inevitably come along.  I needed to find, or create, some ways to do that, that I control, and that I need nothing from anyone.  I decided to become a public speaker, a writer/author, and, a performing musician.

Today, since 2012, I am very successful and respected doing sales and marketing as a contractor (much less stress than a Project Manager), I have become: a long-standing and respected Toastmaster (one of the best things I’ve ever done for my confidence); a public speaker doing keynote one-hour presention/workshops for numerous groups including, corporations, The Heart and Stroke Association and Regional Suicide Prevention Council, both of whom I volunteer for in many ways.  I have been a review writer for a music magazine.  I write for Thrive Global, am published author of two anthologies (one a Best-Seller) plus my first solo book which, is on Amazon, “So, You Just Want To Be A Rock Star” – a metaphorical musically driven book on how we all want to rock in our lives.  And lastly, but what stokes me the most, I perform as a solo musician and I have my own rock/blues band that performs publicly.  Again, this is all since 2012!

I feel I have come back from rock bottom, from hell, so many times.  I am proud of myself for my belief in me, my tenacity, and my strength to be loving to myself in my self-awareness.  I knew they were just feelings: hard, dear and terrible feelings, but feelings none-the-less, and I knew that feelings can and will change.  And they did!

I believe, and live my life based on two words.  One is “Praxis” meaning, a process by which a theory, lesson, or skill is enacted, embodied, or realized.  In other words: the ability to “Walk the talk.”  The other, and most important is “WYLIWYG” (pronounced: Will-eee-wig).  It is an acronym I have Trade Marked.  It stands for: “Where You Look Is Where You Go!”  It is the basis of my comeback.  I was looking at the negative in my life.  What you look at: you become.  I know what I want to do with my life.  I know what I want to look at in my life.  And, after five decades of life, I have proven that it’s never too late to make a comeback and start rocking in your life!
To see my where I am now in my comeback story, go to http://www.dotsdoconnect.com

The next eleven years were a re-building process: as a single man, a single parent, a new career with sole accountability of me, by me.  I tried to do my best with principles and morals and honor.  I am proud of how I persevered.  I am proud of how I went for help when I knew I needed to. I am proud of me as a parent, sometimes playing both roles; but I was not proud of how I treated myself, my human machine.  For all the good I was doing for others, I wanted to escape my demonic emotions that were still tearing me apart from decades of ridicule.  September of 2011, after building a very successful career in contracting, but one that truly owned me, I was diagnosed with clinical depression.  I was off work for ten months.  After three months of healing, I sat up on the couch and asked myself, “What do you want to do with your life?”  Yes, it’s the same line in Twisted Sister’s music video for the song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Then I asked myself, “Craig, what are you looking at?”  All I had been doing was looking at the negative: how hard it was, the cruelty from others, how unfair, etc…  I was looking at and connecting the wrong dots.  I decided to set some goals.  I dressed how I wanted to see myself.  Remember, I was off work so this was all in my own home with me and only me.  I started to read more to help re-wire my mind.  I realized that in life, there are no promises of fairness or success, and that no one, and I mean even best friends and family, “have” to support me, and that I had better find some way to deal with, and that will make me smile, through all the stresses of life that will inevitably come along.  I needed to find, or create, some ways to do that, that I control, and that I need nothing from anyone.  I decided to become a public speaker, a writer/author, and, a performing musician.

Today, since 2012, I am very successful and respected doing sales and marketing as a contractor (much less stress than a Project Manager), I have become: a long-standing and respected Toastmaster (one of the best things I’ve ever done for my confidence); a public speaker doing keynote one-hour presentations/workshops for numerous groups including, corporations, The Heart and Stroke Association and Regional Suicide Prevention Council, both of whom I volunteer for in many ways.  I have been a review writer for a music magazine.  I write for Thrive Global, am published author of two anthologies (one a Best-Seller) plus my first solo book which, is on Amazon, “So, You Just Want To Be A Rock Star” – a metaphorical musically driven book on how we all want to rock in our lives.  And lastly, but what stokes me the most, I perform as a solo musician and I have my own rock/blues band that performs publicly.  Again, this is all since 2012!

I feel I have come back from rock bottom, from hell, so many times.  I am proud of myself for my belief in me, my tenacity, and my strength to be loving to myself in my self-awareness.  I knew they were just feelings: hard, dear and terrible feelings, but feelings none-the-less, and I knew that feelings can and will change.  And they did!

I believe, and live my life based on two words.  One is “Praxis” meaning, a process by which a theory, lesson, or skill is enacted, embodied, or realized.  In other words: the ability to “Walk the talk.”  The other, and most important is “WYLIWYG” (pronounced Will-eee-wig).  It is an acronym I have Trade Marked.  It stands for: “Where You Look Is Where You Go!”  It is the basis of my comeback.  I was looking at the negative in my life.  What you look at: you become.  I know what I want to do with my life.  I know what I want to look at in my life.  And, after five decades of life, I have proven that it’s never too late to make a comeback and start rocking in your life!
To see my where I am now in my comeback story, go to http://www.dotsdoconnect.com

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