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Where am I heading?

Finding yourself is the best thing you can do to yourself.

Image: https://marenklemp.photoshelter.com

The answer is as easy as pie, I am heading towards Nowhere. Don’t take me otherwise, but this is by far the truest answer to this ever haunting question. Before I start giving clarifications for my answer let me find where the world wants me to be at this stage of life, I am nearing 30’s.

Most probably, the world around me wants me to get settled I mean get married, get a permanent job (I actually don’t know the meaning of permanent), have a car, six-digit salary, own a 2BHK apartment in Kathmandu, give up my bad habits (Believe me, I am not exposing any of them here), get home within the preset time, become a nerd or sober, and the list never finishes. I feel sad, not really, not having most of the expectations fulfilled.

As the expectations from me get over my head, I feel suffocated. I start wandering, going places to find the answers. The answer is within my small head, I know. Another question strikes my mind at the same instant, am I alive just to fulfill other’s expectations from me or do I have to join the ceremony of social life? What if I do not follow the mass or walk with the mob?

I was smitten by a line during my childhood which says, “It’s only an individual who thinks, not the mob”. I am still trying to figure out if the quote really meant an individual should not follow the rules in order to lead.

I am in a state of confusion and I know many of friends are also in the same state but they do not express themselves. There are possibly two reasons that hold them back, one: they are more focused on impressing than on expressing. The next one: they fear to speak against what they are taught or fed into their mind.

I am no rebel and I am no anti-social, I promise. Before I follow the rules, let me find out if these rules are really worthy. I have a mind which can think, not just follow. Let me first discover my inner voice, my ultimate wishes and my soul, then only I will surrender myself. It might take years or months, I am not sure. But I am damn sure many of the readers are sharing this idea with me.

Till then, work hard, party harder, exercise hardest, keep breaking rules, go for a walk, enjoy your cup, walk along unexplored roads, help others, make friends, pen your words, gulp down books and continue holding your head higher.

Live your life not because you will die someday but you have to live it till you die.

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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