When You Love Yourself First, Life Will Take Care Of The Rest


The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.


“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown

I want to you to do something before reading this entire article.

It may be confronting, but will herald a major step towards your self-acceptance.

Stand in front of a mirror and recite the following at least six times: “Your name, I love you.”

Gaze into your eyes as you say it, being meaningful while you deliver the words.

Avoid looking away or staring at what is behind you through the mirror. Don’t use the camera on your smartphone to do this exercise, let it be raw and simple.

Ok, try the exercise now.

What did you notice?

What feelings arose?

Could you hold your gaze and feel the words I love you?

Some people are reduced to tears when conducting this simple, yet powerful exercise.

Let’s be honest, if you cannot love yourself how can you embrace the love of another person?

You are likely to feel unworthy, while longing for love and intimacy of another person.

That’s where conflict arises.

When you love yourself, life takes care of the details because everything else is minor compared to the acceptance of one’s self.

Your Story Of Unworthiness

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”― Steve Maraboli

Granted, there are times when you don’t feel lovable. This is normal and we all experience those moments. But self-acceptance is the foundation to living a complete life when you show up with your whole self

In my recent book Awaken Your Authentic Self, I outline how owing your authentic nature is the most powerful commitment you make to yourself. The narrative is that it starts and ends with you.

Clinical neuropsychologist Mario Martinez writes in The MindBody Code: “I propose that abundance is not sustainable without a strong sense of self-worth. Why not? Because maintaining health, reaching wealth, and finding love require the capacity to accept that you are worthy of your good fortune.”

The author touches on something important; worthiness. Your story of unworthiness is a tale assumed from others and reinforced over time, although this is not who you are.

It is a repeated affirmation and a conceived narrative. You are no more unworthy than I am Superman. Sure, I might daydream to have super human powers, but when I return to reality I discover I am a man with insecurities and challenges just like the rest of us.

Nonetheless, I don’t feed those doubts because I know what I give life to, whether positive or negative, gains power. I don’t allow my challenges to overcome me but use them to reinforce my authentic power.

Love Yourself First

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi

Stanford psychologist Shirzad Chamine explains in his book Positive Intelligence that we adopt ten saboteurs or internal enemies. One voice is The Judge, whose opinion is often mistaken for tough-love.

It continually finds faults with yourself through a self-justifying lie: “The Judge’s most damaging lie is that we are not worthy of love or respect by just being who we are.”

In a similar vein, it was the Sufi poet Rumi who wrote: “Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Which brings us back full-circle to the story title.

When you strip away the stories about who you think you are, underneath it you’ll uncover your authentic self, which at its essence is pure love.

So, make it a practice to meet with yourself in the mirror on a daily basis so you can love and accept the person reflected back to you.

After all, when you love yourself first life will undoubtedly take care of the rest.

Call To Action

To live a remarkable life, you must take consistent action in spite of your fears and doubts. Download your FREE COPY of my comprehensive eBook: NAVIGATE LIFE and embark upon your journey of greatness today!

Originally published at

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...

In Conversation with Samantina Zenon: 11 Ways to Embrace Self-love and Thank your Body

In Conversation with Samantina Zenon: 11 Ways to Embrace Self-love and Thank your Body

by Frank Caffrey

Are You Loving Yourself or Losing Yourself?

by Kirsten Lee Hill, Ph.D.

In the Midst of Coronavirus Pandemic, Ask Yourself: “Love Me, Love Me Not?”

by Burton M. Fischler

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.