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When sleep evades me…

Message to telemarketer...

Well! I’m gonna come clean! I pulled an all nighter last night! Working on my Zen Garden DVD … omg!! How hard can one task actually be?? Very, I’ve found out!

I would’t actually stay true to the word hard, it’s almost bloody impossible! When you’re falling asleep on the keyboard but you really want this to work… When a tiny task becomes a monster of a task simply because someone out there wants a small piece of your action :(.

So many people like to prey on those who aren’t as computer savvy as a technician or a comp geek…

Here I was quite happily, and quite early in the evening, I must add, sitting at my comp happily chatting away to the other side of the world and doing my DVD for my garden… When all of a sudden my comp begins screaming at me with a loud as loud shriek… ‘URGENT!!!”it scream’s “Urgent” … “you have been infected”, “your comp isn’t in any shape to withstand the malicious acts that have been comitted on it!” WTF!!! I try to close my pages so as to not lose my work and whatta ya know… I’m frozen out of my own damn comp… I sit quietly, reflecting on this BS and I ask myself… “Do you wanna have some fun?”… of course the answer is “YESSSSS!”..

So here I am frozen out on my comp and a number to call for ‘technical assistance’. Hmmmmm I think to myself, should I? Now by this time I was sitting in the cold room, which is our study, just a tshirt and pj pants on, thin mind you! I was ready for a fight!! I got one!! I rang the number given to me and straight away I received a lovely sounding, young man, I’d guess, on the other end of my phone… I’m thinking ‘what BS are you going to try to feed me?’

This man, I’ll call him Andre (cause that’s his name), no confidentiality breach there! This bastard has control of my comp! Where’s my confidentiality breach? hmmmm?

Anyway I start talking to this ‘lovely sounding guy and he tells me that my comp is loaded! I say “No shit, Sherlock!”… “You’ve probably loaded it from your end, needless to say, Not happy Jan!, “I got shit to do”,”I havent got time for this” grrrrr…

Ok! I give this guy the benefit of the doubt, “I truly do believe you can help me… (Not! I’m mumbling under my breath”.)… Is there any way, at all you can PLEASE give me back my comp… He replies “Sure”, let me in and I’ll fix the problem, Like I’ve never heard that line before 😉 I say “sure”, “how do I do that”? He replies “I’ll give you a site to log into and I’ll take control of your comp for you and I’ll promise to fix the problem”…

“Goody!”, I say to him… “let’s do that shall we”? Of course, I’m really,planning on doing such a stupid, inane thing… but he doesnt know that!… I chuckle to myself… “First”, he says, “I’ll turn off that horrible screeching for you, then we”ll see what we can do to fix your comp”…

“Yeah OK”! “How, pray tell, do you think you’re going to do that”?? “Did you really think I was just going to hand my comp over to you”? “Not today”, I say to him. “Not any day soon”…

Now by this time I was feeling rather good about myself, as you could well imagine, but!!! He still has control over my comp! Oh! Shit! “What have I done”? I ask myself.

“Ok!”I mutter to myself, he hears this and he replies “good”,”I’m glad you see it my way”. I asked him “Are you bored”? “Have you got nothing better to do than pray on little old ladies who are sitting at their comp, minding their own business”? “Really”? “Are you honestly calling this a ‘job?’ And I actually said “LOL”… well I couldn’t type it and right about then I was getting withdrawals from not using it for so long 😉

I thought to myself, “Í think I’ve kept you on the hook long enough!”I asked him, “So are you going to be able to tell me what to do, at no cost, or am I going to have to pay for this?”, “being your job and all”… he replies… ‘There’s a couple of ways of doing this”, “You can log in to this website or I can send you a link via email, in which you click the link and it’ll take you to a Microsoft site”… “OHHHHH” “Microsoft”, I sounded quite excited, I would say! Cause he jumped quickly in and says Öhh Yes!”I’m with Microsoft”… “LOL” (again, I couldn’t help myself… “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”, “Now that puts a completely different spin on things”,”he replies, “What?” “What do you mean?”, “Don’t you believe me?”… I replied, “Sure, I believe you!”, “You’re a nice young man, probably from somewhere over the rainbow” “Where all good things come to those who wait, and don’t forget to throw a snag on the barbie, cause that’s how we roll!” ***Silence***… I couldn’t keep him hanging on any longer, I said “I’ve gotten such a laugh out of you tonight, I’m about ready to step outside and have a cigarette!”‘ To which he replied, “Can ya turn off the loud shrieking sound first please?, “Before you leave me?”

The phone went quiet, I thought he’d hung up!, Not so!… he replies “ummmm I cannot hear a shrieking sound”, “has it stopped”? To which I reply, “Oh that?, “I closed that as soon as it began’, It scared the bejesus out of me when it started, I instantly hit the X button, probably before you even got the chance to register my http address and stop me from closing it “LOL” … silence!… “OK”! he says, Why did you not tell me? “Why?, I replied… “so you can hang up on me, and anyway … I just wanted to give you what for”!

“Honestly, ya don’t wanna F^*% around with someone who’s been awake all night trying to get shit done and then hope they’ll be polite and say ït’s ok”, “I’ve dealt with it, no cause for your concern”… He hung up!… Well Andre I’ll enjoy my cigarette, oh and btw… that shit will kill ya!

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