Expert divorce attorneys say approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce.
Abysmal odds if you ask me.
However, getting into a relationship is like buying a lotto ticket.
The joy and feelings you experience in a successful relationship and in a marriage are akin to winning the lottery. It is such an unmatched feeling of happiness and fulfillment.
A jackpot.
So much so that even with the horrible odds—it is worth buying a ticket.
I can personally say I know that feeling.
It feels like you have found a partner to take on the world with. Someone to see and experience everything this beautiful universe has to offer. To laugh and pass the rest of your days with.
But lately…I have not been feeling that way anymore. It has not just been the same.
Lately, we keep arguing.
The funny thing is I can’t even recall sometimes what we even argue about.
Both of us have been so stressed all of the time. When things are good. They were in fact phenomenal. When we fight, we would be at each other’s throats for days.
The arguments have become so frequent, I started to be apathetic when I saw my partner. It feels as if I have become lost in catering to my partner’s needs.
I have all but forgotten what it feels like to be alone. To not feel obligated to cater to someone else’s needs. To hear my own self think…
The words toxic or dysfunctional relationship pops into my head but…then why would I stay in this relationship? In this marriage?
To be quite honest, I am not sure.
I guess the thought of losing my partner in my life forever is terrifying.
Perhaps some childhood trauma holds me back?
It is not like we will be in a high asset divorce or we have kids together.
We just have really good times when we do not argue.
Why is it so difficult to move on?
Part of me wishes that I could snap my fingers and teleport back to how things used to be. All before the constant arguments began. Where we both were so enamored and cute with each other. Gifts would be exchanged without being asked. When our days were filled with a constant outpour of “I love you” and “I can’t wait to see you!”.
When we made future plans to see the world together…
We would wish each other sweet dreams every night and be the first one to greet each other when we woke in the mornings. Sometimes, our late-night Face Time calls would last until the early mornings. The adorable way we spoke to each other would make anybody sick to their stomachs.
We had such a long history together of laughs and good times…but those memories seem to be buried in a pile of fights and disagreements.
So, when do we truly know when it is time to get a divorce?
We’ve tried a tenure in couples therapy. We have both made so many attempts to “talk things out”.
At the moment, it feels like no use.
Simply, I am not myself anymore. I have not been myself in such a long time.
Although, I cannot say it is all bad. My partner can still be extremely sweet to me. Super caring and loving actually. The crazy thing is that I still want us to work out.
But I know I should not feel this stressed all of the time.
Sometimes I wish my partner would just do some awful deed to make it easier to let go.
Or if they would just stop with all of the criticisms and fights.
So we can float along and spend our days happy beside each other.
—I need a break. Some time to be alone and think.
Have you been in a similar situation in a marriage or relationship?
What have you done?
I would love to hear it in the comments below.