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When a Relationship Changes Your Heart Forever

How a breakup allowed me to grow into a stronger person.

It’s nearly Valentine’s Day and I remember many years in my past when finding myself single — “yet again,” as I would extol — that it would make me self-conscious about my love life. This year I am single and my heart is more full of love than ever before.

My book Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World came out in January so I am required daily to recall the break-up that catapulted me into the journey that lead me to write the book. And every day I couldn’t be more grateful for that extremely painful betrayal. It changed my heart forever – for the better.

It wasn’t my first painful break-up, but it was the one that pushed me to get to the bottom of what got me into a relationship with someone who regularly lied. I wanted to figure out why I had blinders on for two years until the avalanche of lies came tumbling down in one fateful 48 hour period.

Days after this break-up, I set a very clear intention: I will come out the other side of this journey more powerful than I was when I met the man I refer to as Mr. X. I met my intention, but my journey led me so far beyond it that I actually thank my lucky stars for Mr. X’s betrayals.

How did it change my heart forever?

  • Healing Heart Wounds — I dove into the dark shadowy places of my heart and found wounds from my earlier life that needed my love and attention, that had been triggered by this betrayal. I addressed and dressed those wounds, and healed layers of even older wounds.
  • My Love League — I developed far deeper, more fulfilling relationships with girlfriends old and new who helped me stay the course during my healing, I have many girlfriends from childhood whom I have always loved, but because I was healing those old wounds I was able to allow their love in even more.
  • The Mighty Flame — I had done spiritual work most of my life but I uncovered what I call the Mighty Flame in my heart, the source of divine love, the purest, unflinching love that I can now tap into whenever I wish. That flame burns so brightly I easily seize opportunities to love.

In other words, I am now more able to love and be loved than ever before because of this break-up.

What does that look like on Valentine’s Day? I sent out valentines to dear friends this year and had so much fun doing it. I was so full of pure love as I wrote each and every card.

I will spend Valentine’s Day doing a project I started many years ago at the City of Hope (the Love Scarf Project) which fills my heart to the brim every year. Whether I am in a relationship or not, it always makes my day, but since this fateful break-up I can say I am a better giver and receiver of love when visiting the patients.

So, you see, this break-up made me a better person.

It will make me a better partner in my next relationship too. Until then, the transformation isn’t over. I thank Mr. X for the spark that blew up our relationship because it is that same spark that lit my heart on fire in a very good way.

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