Community//

What To Do When You Find Your Soul Mate

Interview with Kees Paling

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Manifesting Love is a collection of real life love stories of people from various backgrounds and cultures who have dug deep within themselves to find self-love, heal past trauma, and define what they really want in a romantic relationship. Some have created elaborate rituals and ceremonies to ask the Universe to unite them with their ideal partner.

Included are instructions for creating your own manifesting ritual.

This is an unusual author interview because, although Kees Paling is an author, he didn’t write a story in this book.  But he is the subject of one of our stories!

Manifesting Love co-author Ofkje Teekens has now been married to Kees for 33 years.  But at the time of her story, as a student with her whole life ahead of her, she didn’t feel ready for love.  Ofkje kept saying no to Kees and blocked him at every opportunity.

Yet Kees knew she was the one and just kept showing up.

These two are soul mates – but how did Kees know that?

Grab your own copy of Manifesting Love here.

#AskTheAuthor Interview with Kees Paling

Dr. Andrea – When you read Ofkje’s story in the book, you see that you were asking for a date again and again.  But she was saying no time and again, and just kept trying to run away. 

But as I like to say, you can’t run away from true love.  So I just want to hear from you, why did you not take no for an answer?

Kees – Well, you have seen her and met her.  And as everybody knows, she is a very special lady.  She is beautiful, dynamic, enthusiastic, creative, everything you want in a woman, she has it.

This was my reason to keep going and keep trying to get a date with her.  And I did, I succeeded. 

She was polite and friendly, but that was it.  So I had to keep on trying and doing all sorts of things to get her interested.

Dr. Andrea – Ofkje told me something which I find surprising.  Because reading the story in Manifesting Love, you were so persistent.  But she said you were really surprised by yourself, because you were normally so shy.  Is that true?

Kees – Well yes, I was and still am a bit of a shy person.  That’s how I grew up.  But this time I had a reason, and it worked in the end.  It took a lot of flowers, hours on the telephone and lots of dates – but in the end I succeeded.

Dr. Andrea – And you’ve been married for how long now?

Kees – We’ve been married 33, nearly 34 years now, and have welcomed a new grandson recently too.

Dr. Andrea – You are a writer, writing coach and communication consultant.  Your wife, Ofkje has written so many books, and you’ve teamed up and worked together, is that right?

Kees – Yes, Ofkje wrote a lot of schoolbooks, and one on learning problems. I have 8 books of my own.  But in the last 2 years we have done some book projects together, and most of them are about life shifts, turning points in people’s lives.

We collect special stories from people who have made big turning points in their lives, to encourage others to be brave too.

Dr. Andrea – And I’m also curious about the process.  When I asked Ofkje about your love affair, he has also been confused at first about why you pursued her.  But over time she came to understand that you and her are soul mates.

Do you use that term yourself, soul mates?

Kees – Nowadays I do, but in those days I wouldn’t have because I was more of a scientist.  But I learned my lessons and I understand much more now.  So yes, you may call us soul mates. 

I felt it back then, but I never used those words for it.  In the end it all turned out very well.

Dr. Andrea – So do you have any recommendations for someone who is single and looking to manifest love?

Kees – It starts with a certain feeling, of course.  You have to be surprised by something about someone, the way you feel, and then go for it.

Write a poem, send flowers, sing for them if you can – try anything!  Especially something artistic or that you think they will like.

You have to make sure you stand out from the rest!  You have to work for it.  As I hear Simon Sinek often say, it’s about consistency.  It’s not one big thing, but consistency of all little things over the course of time.

Dr. Andrea – Well, I understand that you have been consistent with sending flowers through all 33 years! I remember when Ofkje was at my event in Cannes, and I was just about to give a presentation and I kept getting a phone message.

I wanted to silence it, but then I saw there was a delivery outside, and the driver was messaging me.  We opened up the door, and there were some beautiful flowers from you!

And I think your right that consistency, no matter what country she was in, that was really beautiful!

Kees – From Holland, with love!

Dr. Andrea – So tell me about some of your books. I’ve had the pleasure of being with you both in Holland, and I got to leave with one of your books.  But what are you up to these days?

Kees – My books are all kinds of subjects.  Sometimes more about history, and sometimes more current.  My two English books (most are in Dutch); one was about Mr Tolkien and a fictional account of a journey he took with 3 friends, and the other about a German General who lived to be 96 year old and his bizarre experiences in Africa.

Anything that will make a good story, I try to put into a book.

Dr. Andrea –  I know that you and Ofkje are really good about having ideas and then making them materialize quickly. As a writing coach, how do you help people get books done and get their concept out into the world?

Kees – I ask them a lot of things first.  I ask them about their idea, about what it will be like.  If it’s fiction I want to know more about the supporting characters and the other stories that weave into the main one.  When it’s non-fiction I want a full outline of the whole discussion.

One of the main problems with non-fiction is that people start out with an idea, and then they stop.

I’ve done that myself. We have a box at home with 50 first chapters, 50 ideas that have ended there.  I learned the hard way to think about structure; how many chapters and how will the book end.  You need to know the ending before you start, and that’s what I teach.

Kees and Ofkje’s story is a beautiful one. Ofkje goes into much more detail in the book as to all the blocks she put up, and all the ways she said no to love before she could say yes.

Visit Kees’ website here to learn more about his book and his work.

Originally published on Make Your Mark Global, Nov 17 2020.

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