I yell at my kids.
Sometimes, I yell too much in a day.
Other times, I have the patience of Mother Teresa and I don’t yell (too much.)
It’s always so painful to see the aftermath of a crazy yelling spree. It can be downright heartbreaking.
Sometimes, it feels good to yell. Because you’ve had it up to HERE and you’re just DONE. So when that righteous anger kicks in and you start to yell, my my, don’t it feel good for a split second.
But when that split second is over, the shame, guilt and sadness wash over you. They take you down, making you want to wanting to curl up and cry.
So, what do you do after you yell at your kids?
You’ve already yelled. And you’ve faced the shell shocked looks on the faces of your kids.
SAY YOU’RE SORRY
Take a deep breath, calm down and then apologize. It doesn’t matter if your kids are 1 and 2 or 11 and 12. Teach them to apologize when they’ve made a mistake starting as soon as you can.
It’s these moments that teach integrity and show that you view them as tiny humans- not just kids who don’t need an explanation or an apology.
It also shows your children that YOU are human too and that everyone struggles with controlling their emotions at times. This is GOOD for them.
Always explain your reaction and thought pattern. Were you running on fumes and little sleep? Tell them that! Even if they seem too young to understand. Say it in a way that they CAN understand.
“Mommy was up a lot last night and didn’t get enough sleep.”
“Mom didn’t eat breakfast this morning and got a little bit grumpy.”
I’ve talked about this in some of my other posts, like this one. Having a reset is crucial for ALL of you to move on after you’ve lost it.
Our favorite way is to sit down in a circle on the floor (it’s important you get down to their level). Grab hands with each other.
Now, go around the circle and each one of you says 1-3 things you love about each other.
Friends, usually by this point I am BAWLING. It’s extremely hard not to feel empathy and compassion when you are holding their tiny hands and looking into their innocent eyes.
This might be the most important (aside from apologizing), simply because you’re the only one who can do it. Your kids will forgive and move on with their day because they live in the moment and that’s what kids do.
Us momma’s, we have a tendency to relive every horrible moment over and over and OVER again. Doing this, isn’t good for you. Because each time you do it, you’re also reliving the emotions that ran through your body. It’s almost like a drug.
Same with reliving being angry- you can rile yourself and get super mad again.
So, try not to do this. Actively tell yourself “I forgive myself.”
And when the memory keeps popping up, keep telling yourself that you’re forgiven and it’s time to move on.
Dwelling on it won’t make it better, I can promise you that. Move forward and try to do better.
IS IT A PATTERN?
This one can be hard to pin point because it’s hard to take a step back and analyze yourself and your days. And it’s hard to admit, perhaps, that you have a pattern involving anger.
I can tell you right now, I KNOW a pattern that never fails to make me SO FREAKING MAD.
It’s the mornings my daughter has school. She gets picked up by a bus. If we don’t get everything in order the night before, I can pretty much guarantee a blow up. This is because on top of the stress of getting her out the door, we are running around like maniacs looking for her folder, a book that’s due, a toy for show and tell, all while my anxiety creeps higher and higher.
Then there will be one small thing asked on top of all that and BAM- I’m done, I’m yelling.So, I took note of this and now try to make sure that her backpack has her folder, book and toy packed the night before.
Same with a lunch packed and an outfit chosen.
It really, truly helps.What are the patterns in your house? What can you do to change them?
Parenting is straight up insanity. You’re constantly pushed to your limits and having your senses over stimulated. The requests and tasks are never ending and a break doesn’t really exist.
I just want you to know that we’ve all done it. We’ve all yelled at our kids. It sucks. But it’s normal. It’s normal to lose our cool once in a while.
What’s important is how you handle it after and what you’re doing to prevent it from happening in the first place. We’re learning every single day. There’s no manual. You have to keep experiencing and trying different things before you get it ‘right.’
But who’s to say what’s wrong or right? It looks different for different families.
Try your best, treat your kids like kind, wise humans and give yourself some grace.