“What should I do if my boyfriend’s best friend don’t get along? She thinks I’m ugly and judges me over my past. My boyfriend always defends her, and it kind of gets on my nerves. I don’t want to break their friendship, but I don’t want her around.”
As quoted above, this was the question raised by a girl in her early 20s confused and angry about her boyfriend’s best friend, who, unfortunately, did not get along with her and was trying to distance the couple!
For those of you who don’t know who I am or what I do, I help people understand and correspond with others, using verbal and non-verbal forms of communication to create an impression of reliability, confidence, and leadership. to create an impression of reliability, confidence, and leadership. In other words, The People Consultant –know what to say and how to say it, and be there for the people who believe in you!
I gave her my thoughts and opinion with her. She then wrote back to a few weeks later, in appreciation of the advice I gave her, which helped her deal with the situation.
I dedicate this post to her (let’s call her ‘Ash’)! So thank you Ash, for your thoughtful words and let’s hope others will benefit from your experience. Thanks for writing to me!
My answer to Ash’s question
“What should I do if my boyfriend’s best friend don’t get along? She thinks I’m ugly and judges me over my past. My boyfriend always defends her, and it kind of gets on my nerves. I don’t want to break their friendship, but I don’t want her around.”
Well that’s understandable. He should clearly draw a line between spending time with you and his friend. I’ll give you the same advice that I gave to a married woman some time ago when her husband had a female best friend, who was beginning to get in between their relationship and their life.
The Married Woman
This friend had a baby – and her husband had left her. So she was hanging on to her ‘friend’ (even though he was married) just so that she wouldn’t feel alone.
So his wife told him to stop! It wasn’t an easy conversation and it did take time. But eventually, a clear boundary was set by him for his friend.
Now, by taking a stand she showed him that she cared about the relationship, thus helping him make the decision about his friend!
Coming Back To You, The Girlfriend!
In your case, things are a bit different. You are his girlfriend and she is his best friend – so when you tell me that you don’t want to break up their relationship – is it you trying to be politically correct? Or do you have certain boundaries (in your mind) when it comes to their friendship?
This is the question you should ask youself, before you decide to talk to your boyfriend, as that conversation is not going to be easy!
However, if you see a future with him,
then you have a right to tell him the same, and take a stand.
But if you don’t,
then don’t say anything, until you absolutely have to!
The Goal Of Your Conversation
It’s not about getting rid of the friend, it’s establishing boundaries and a certain amount of distance, so that he understands his priorities and responsibilities
Which is why you have to show that you ‘care’ more than her, and part of that involves you being honest about how you feel, so that he will be able to see you!
Right now, he sees and hears a jealous girlfriend – that’s it! Which is why he’s not taking you very seriously.
So once you had that talk, then be quiet. Don’t bring it up. Give him the freedom to think about it and come back to you. Give him 2 weeks and if he hasn’t done anything about it, bring it up again.
You don’t have to feel bad about your standards. Nor do you have to feel bad about how much you care about the relationship. People getting in the way of that is ultimately just going to spoil what you have.
What To Say and How To Say It!
So tell him that you are not comfortable with how close he is with his friend. That you care about this relationship and you feel like his best friend is getting in the way. Apologize, by saying that you know this hurts him but you think it’s best for the both of you – moving forward.
What about you! – What would you do if you had to deal with a situation like this? Comment your thoughts and opinions below!
Know What To Say & How To Say It, and be there for the people who believe in you! Email me at [email protected], and tell me what’s bothering you! If you find this article to be of value, then share it with your friends and family.