Community//

What Giving Up Before You Even Start Can Teach You

For many of us, there is something in our lives that we just can’t change – no matter how hard we try. Maybe it’s the last 10 lbs. you can’t loose, or paying off that credit card, or finally ditching your relationship. This can be super-frustrating, especially when you are motivated and dynamic in so […]

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team, and though they are reviewed for adherence to our guidelines, they are submitted in their final form to our open platform. Learn more or join us as a community member!

For many of us, there is something in our lives that we just can’t change – no matter how hard we try. Maybe it’s the last 10 lbs. you can’t loose, or paying off that credit card, or finally ditching your relationship. This can be super-frustrating, especially when you are motivated and dynamic in so many other areas of your life. So what is really going on here?

Giving up can tell you alot about yourself.

‘Failure to Launch’ may be related to not really wanting to make this change. And here is where it gets a bit tricky. You may think you want to make the change but not really want to make the change. What am I talking about – of course life seems like it would be better without debt, a boring partner, and a muffin top peeking out from above your waistband! Or would it?

Self-awareness is the key to creating change.

To find out, ask yourself the following 2 questions:

1. What would happen if I didn’t make the change?
You may find that nothing really would change much – so
how inspired a change is it? Uninspired changes are often motivated by ‘shoulds’ rather than ‘wants’. I should get out of debt, rather than I really want more financial security.

2. How does not making this change, and continuing to
believe I want to make this change work for me?

The thing is this – we often keep doing behaviours that have some reward in them, even when we don’t see the
reward. If you can find the hidden reward in staying in your relationship, or keeping those extra few pounds, then you can exchange the hidden reward for an overt, much better reward. For example, snarfing back another box of turtles might be a great way to hide behind the overwhelm you might feel in thinking that you will need to find time to get to the gym 3 times a week. With this new understanding, you could consciously trade the reward of avoidance for the rewards that come with more effective self and time management, even if it means getting to the gym just once a week.

Buddies can make even the hardest change feel easier.

And sometimes we just need a little push towards that change. Find a friend or a support group who is also dealing with making a change. Camaraderie is great for keeping the changes moving.

    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

    PHILIPPE HUGUEN / Contributor / Getty Images
    Well-Being//

    How to Boost Your Energy Levels in Winter

    by Tara Jackson
    Community//

    3 Practical Tips for Making Powerful Life Changes

    by Gayle Hilgendorff
    Community//

    Fight for Change, Accept What is.

    by Marc Lesser

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

    - MARCUS AURELIUS

    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.