For many of us, there is something in our lives that we just can’t change – no matter how hard we try. Maybe it’s the last 10 lbs. you can’t loose, or paying off that credit card, or finally ditching your relationship. This can be super-frustrating, especially when you are motivated and dynamic in so many other areas of your life. So what is really going on here?
‘Failure to Launch’ may be related to not really wanting to make this change. And here is where it gets a bit tricky. You may think you want to make the change but not really want to make the change. What am I talking about – of course life seems like it would be better without debt, a boring partner, and a muffin top peeking out from above your waistband! Or would it?
To find out, ask yourself the following 2 questions:
1. What would happen if I didn’t make the change?
You may find that nothing really would change much – so
how inspired a change is it? Uninspired changes are often motivated by ‘shoulds’ rather than ‘wants’. I should get out of debt, rather than I really want more financial security.
2. How does not making this change, and continuing to
believe I want to make this change work for me?
The thing is this – we often keep doing behaviours that have some reward in them, even when we don’t see the
reward. If you can find the hidden reward in staying in your relationship, or keeping those extra few pounds, then you can exchange the hidden reward for an overt, much better reward. For example, snarfing back another box of turtles might be a great way to hide behind the overwhelm you might feel in thinking that you will need to find time to get to the gym 3 times a week. With this new understanding, you could consciously trade the reward of avoidance for the rewards that come with more effective self and time management, even if it means getting to the gym just once a week.
And sometimes we just need a little push towards that change. Find a friend or a support group who is also dealing with making a change. Camaraderie is great for keeping the changes moving.