Most people in our lives love us conditionally which we often learn the hard way.
I love you, can mean many different things for many different people. How often do you say I love you/him/her/this a day? Especially in the English language it is used a lot. Is it still deeply meaningful when we say something I love you so often?
I love you, means whatever meaning you give it. When we say it to a friend, it might come much easier to us than when we want to say it to our partner for the first time, isn’t it? So yes, I love you can still be deeply meaningful, if we want it to be.
I truly believe that true love is unconditionally.
When we love someone, we love them with all they got. With the parts that are so simple to love because we adore them, and they make us laugh. But we also love them with the parts that challenge us. We all have shadow sides. We are constantly evolving and growing. We all have some doubts, fears or behaviors we aren’t proud of or that we are working on. It is a challenge for us and it can be a challenge for the people around us, too. Loving someone unconditionally also mean that we see and acknowledge those shadow sides of the other person. We don’t ignore them and pretend that they aren’t there. We see them and love the person despite them. Or because of them and their willingness to work on them or defy them.
When we love unconditionally, we create a safe space for the other person to be who they truly are. They don’t have to hide anything. We see the other person for who they truly are, deep inside. We believe in them. We stay by their side, when there is a problem. We let them go, when they need space. We let them see who we truly are. Unconditional love is not a one-way street. Both parties need to be fully open, vulnerable and willing to evolve together, if it is meant to work long-term.
Have you ever been through a major life change? Let’s say you used to see your friends every night after work for a drink. At some point, for whatever reason, you decide to change your life. You declare that having a drink every night with your friends after work, doesn’t fit in your life anymore or at least at this moment in time. Usually some people get very upset about this. They might take it personally and think you don’t want to see them and will react in one way or another. Often, they aren’t very amused. Very often this simple change can lead to lose friendships because people don’t like the way you changed. And that is ok. This is the hard part for so many, accepting that not everyone is meant to be in our life forever.
How does this play out with people who love you unconditionally? Someone, who loves unconditionally wants to see your perspective, rather than judging your decision first and becoming angry at you. And even if they end up not understanding you, they still respect your decision and know that this is what you need to do for your personal development right now. People who love unconditionally are usually very reflected people. They are doing the work. They are very mindful about who they spend their time with and take responsibility for everything that is in their life. Because loving unconditionally is not always easy. Loving and supporting people while they are doing something that doesn’t make sense for us, requires us to know that it is not about us, it is about the other person and their life’s journey. Which will lead to respect their decision and keep up the relationship we have with this person.
Loving unconditionally means leaving aside how someone looks like, what they like or don’t like, their hobbies, their jobs – everything that is outside their heart. Loving unconditionally is a heart to heart or soul to soul connection that sees the other person for who they truly are, beyond what we can see.
When we entered this world, as little babies, the only thing we knew was unconditional love. We loved the beings around us unconditionally, until we got mistreated or hurt for the first time and get taught that this world can be dangerous. Maybe we were even brought up with parent who only loved us conditionally. However, we all can do it, we all came here with the ability to love unconditionally. We just need to be brave enough to open up completely. We need to know ourselves. We need to own who we are and love ourselves unconditionally, in order to love others unconditionally.
We don’t need to love everyone unconditionally because not everyone is ready for this kind of love and not everyone is meant to be in our life. But you can always make the first step and create this safe space for someone else, where you invite them to follow and step into their unconditionally loving selves.