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What does it mean to be a “Mother”?

[It has taken me this long to share but today is a great day to celebrate life — it’s Mother’s Day — and because I am feeling ohh-so-vulnerable but yet loved in many ways!] Today is Sunday, May 10, 2020. Amid the chaos of this global pandemic, there are still few, or perhaps more than […]

[It has taken me this long to share but today is a great day to celebrate life — it’s Mother’s Day — and because I am feeling ohh-so-vulnerable but yet loved in many ways!]

Today is Sunday, May 10, 2020. Amid the chaos of this global pandemic, there are still few, or perhaps more than a few, beacons of hope to brighten our days. Today the world is celebrating its tradition Mother’s Day. A day to remind us what does it all mean to be a ‘mother’? A mother is a protector, guide, disciplinarian and friend. A mother is a selfless loving human who dedicate her life and sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children, and others around her. Without mothers, there won’t be a world. Wishing love and gratitude for all mothers, past and present, and becoming, around the world. 

A broken marriage, spousal abandonment, a child born with complications, the death of my father, my mother’s grief – all of these events called me to RISE to these challenges and become my best self and keep moving forward.

Nicky Dare “The Audacity of Veracity”, Chapter 8 Fine Line

This morning 6:30-ish am, while getting ready to finish up some work and sitting in my home office room, I saw a photo of my son taken when he was just 2 months old. I paused for a moment.  

Tears of joy and somewhat disconsolation as I reminisce those days my son and I fought over our lives due to birth complications. Here are some highlights. My son’s birth was extremely eventful – and painful. Seeing all the specialists’ concerned expressions should have been an indicator something has gone wrong, a wave of anxiety swept over me. Evidently, there had been complications, and the doctors said that I was very very lucky to be alive. They explained we had been in a life or death situation. The risk was either losing my baby or my own life. I signed a waiver as per doctors’ request. Miraculously, however, both of us were spared. My baby son had been wrapped around the umbilical cord and, as a result, he lost a lot of blood and had to be transfused. Ironically, no one in our family had his blood type — except for his absentee father. Given the circumstances, blood had to be ordered from two towns away, and I could not see my son until he was cleared to be in my arms. I was deeply upset and agitated for much of the time. Few long days! There he was, my angel, my son whom I nicknamed Pumkin, attached to tubes through his nose and mouth. What a sight that was for me and my mom who stood by me all this time, who continuously tried to hide her tears. For the next four or five days, I remained in that hospital, while showered by overflowing lavish gifts, cards, and beautiful bouquets, I felt quite alone. The father of my son was not there, and never once came or called. In fact, if you did not know it yet, he decided to pack up his bags one day and left, while I was pregnant. In his eyes, through no fault of our own, my unborn baby and I were personae non grata, and he was relegated to being a stranger in his precious son’s life. 

In the darkest hours of the night, I sat in my room, nursing my precious baby. The dream of sharing my life with someone I deeply loved was shattered. I was not ready to go through a divorce life, and start all over again in my life, not to mention my business teetering on the brink of uncertainties. I relived that feeling, again and again. Yet, those were precious moments — once I cherished greatly — with my little angel in my arms. In truth, I knew that I could want for nothing more. That realization allowed me to bask in peace of mind and heart. Unfortunately, two weeks later after my son was born, our lives were forever altered. Dad died in my mom’s arms due to health complication after brought to a local hospital. I was there to bestow my final kiss upon the man who defined my life. In that moment, a turning point in my world, I knew that each day of life is a gift, and we have no hold those whom we love close. We never know what the morning will bring. My father had left behind many lessons, some of which I have already articulated, but have many dimensions. Most of all, he reached for the power within — in spite of pain that he endured in his life — his father’s abandonment, his mother’s aloofness, his formative years spent in the care of aunts — all of it helped him grow, and he did well. His was a noble life, one that inspired me to pursue the best of myself and to reach for the heights. For that legacy, I never can, truly thank my father enough. 

For my mother, life without the man whom she had known since she was sixteen seemed inconceivable. I can not even purport to imagine what my mother went through in those times, though I have an idea. Despite the shock of my father’s passing, however, my mother remained steadfast in her resolve to move forward and not break down. Her strength serves as an example to me still — and always will. 

Life has an interesting turn when you choose to anchor down with faith. 

For the next 24 years since then, I can never be more happier to spend my Mother’s Day with my son. With his own challenges in his journey, so proud to see him overcoming his struggles on his own. Proud mother of seeing his early achievements and successes in life, including his years of service in the military. I am a proud mom and grateful every day for the blessings! Though he is within few miles away, he is just a heartbeat away and I know he safeguards my life with his unconditional love in my world. He has so much to offer in this world!

I never choose to describe these unfortunate life events as ‘failures’ rather as ‘life lessons’.

Life often throws us numerous curve balls at once. In order to survive and thrive, we have to be prepared to withstand them. A broken marriage, spousal abandonment, a child born with complications, the death of my father, my mother’s grief – all of these events called me to RISE to these challenges and become my best self and keep moving forward. These are not cliches, but states of being. Vacillations between joy, sorrow, elation, and bereavement are necessary elements of the human condition – natural consequences of walking the fine line between bliss and despair. Acceptance of these dualities is only possible, in my opinion, through faith in God and walking, with devotion, in HIS words. Faith is therefore the anchor that makes the human balancing act tolerable. Of course, having people around us who care is essential to our well being; but, ultimately, the decision is ours solely – to choose the option to survive, to overcome, and to emerge stronger than before the onset of adversity.

I hope my story, my humble personal struggles, of becoming a ‘mother’ demonstrates how, in transcending seemingly insurmountable series of hurdles, people can claim their inner true strength. 

Wishing you all a very Happy Mother’s Day today with your loved ones. Sending so much love and appreciation to all mothers — past, present, and becoming, around the world. 

Here’s to Living in Purpose and Passion,

Source: Article posted on LinkedIn. HERE

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