Community//

What about becoming kinder to ourselves?

The life-saving ingredient in the toolbox of the thriving leader

They say there are only two kinds of people: those who believe their thoughts and those who have woken up from that nightmare. 

We don’t come to this realisation in an instant. First, we dismiss it, like a fool’s empty philosophy. Then we give it a thought, from the distance. And then we start seeing some truth in there. We become hooked and explore. Until one day, we experience for ourselves what it really means and it hits us like a storm. We get a glimpse in an instant of the depth of this simple truth. 

I have come a long way. I now know that falling and failing are part of the game of success.
I have learned to reframe my views and apply inquisitiveness to my beliefs and thoughts; even success has completely lost its bling as this tempting Goddess that would make me shine in the face of the world; I have seen that her promises are empty and she is loosing her grip as I slowly discover the greater fulfilment of living success for my own soul’s satisfaction.
That’s a lot. The eyes of the Heart are slowly opening and I have been waiting for that moment all my life. Possibly even longer. And I know when I look into your eyes, that you too, are searching for that space, that perfect match of integrating your soul into your physical dimension, like two loving zebras who have finally reunited. 

And you embrace the path of letting the supremacy of the mental mind fade away to embrace your wisdom.

The challenge is that what we yearn for is not concrete: we have a glimpse of the ideal life we would like to have where our values, talents, strengths, desires and inner voice come together in harmony into a tangible contribution that we could call the work of our life. But it is just a dream until it becomes real. In the space of becoming, we have a challenge: the stronger this yearning and the bigger the gap, the more impatient we become and doubt kicks-in.

Will it ever come true? Will I ever really manage?

These are not good questions. They taint the innocence of our genuine quest with fear and this wakes up our ALERT mode: stress kicks-in and the story unfolds once again: anger, guilt, shame, hatred, greed… The old cycle of the mental mind locked in the Ego who doesn’t want to surrender takes possession of our consciousness like a tornado and we loose our grounds.
We fall into our own trap of believing these are all true, just because we have caught the thread of doubt. We disempower ourselves. When what we really need is KINDNESS.

Kindness helps us bathe ourselves into a gentle cloud of benevolence directed to ourselves. Once doubt has kicked-in and we have followed it is too late. Then all we can do is watch the storm pass by and remember to catch ourselves next time in the hint of the storm before it takes off. With Kindness, as if we were toddler in the process of awakening.

When the toddler learns to walk, he first gets on his all fours and practices that for a while; then he pushes himself up and slowly learns to stand. He falls many times until he finds the balance and trains his muscles. And finally one day, he takes a first step and falls. again and again until he steadily walks.

What fools would we be if we would get angry at our children for not walking faster? What is even the point of putting a timeline on the mastery of the walking process?

Likewise, let us not be angry because we fall into our own trap again and again. Let us be kind like a toddler who wants to learn walking and instead learn from our children: enthusiasm, perseverance and exploration.
The process of shifting from the supremacy of the mind to the equilibrium of heart wisdom where the mind is in service to the heart is a long process of awakening to our true nature. We stumble and fall and every time, we redirect our attention to the process, open to what is real for us.
If we apply kindness, the process becomes gentle instead of a painful war between our mind and our heart, between our old self and our becoming. Instead of beating ourselves up for falling again, we remember that we are learning the biggest challenge of our adult life and we embrace ourselves with love and encouragement for this huge learning we are integrating each day a little bit more.
Let us not beat ourselves for not being kind but instead gently redirect our attention every time we notice we have slipped once more into the old patterns. It takes practice to catch ourselves in the exact time where the thoughts which don’t serve us kick-in. Let us be kind with our learning. 
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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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