Not surprisingly, I had a few questions about (and resistance to) last week’s mindful hack. It said: Forgiveness is a journey of letting go, and well worth the trip.
The resistance seemed mostly to come from a place of indignation – why should someone who doesn’t deserve forgiveness be absolved? And that’s a totally fair question, but one that comes from a different perspective than the one I’m offering. I am not suggesting that we should consider giving a free pass to the one who wrongs us. I am not suggesting that we submit to being treated more poorly than we know we deserve. I am not suggesting we make this about them at all! On the contrary – forgiveness isn’t about what they deserve, it’s about what we do. It’s about taking our power back, deciding that we are not going to play the role of victim so that another’s bad behaviour is rewarded. It’s about realizing that their wrongdoing is on themand our wishing things were different is on us.
The other thing about forgiveness is that it never needs to be spoken. We don’t ever need to tell our tormentor that what they’ve done is okay, or that we’ve let go of the hurt they’ve caused. Because again, this isn’t about them in any way – it’s about us and our own freedom from the hold a past grudge might otherwise have on us. So in addition to what I offered last week I’ll further it with this:
We can forgive without needing to tell them, without having to engage again, ever. Forgiveness is a gift to and for ourselves.