In my view, retirement can kill us if we don’t forge a healthy plan. It is important to join a new pack, a new circle of friends, interests or remain tight with the work pack, if possible. We are pack driven and our drive keeps us alive and in migration so to engage with others is crucial when retiring. Also important is not going rogue, to consult with those you trust when making major life changes such as moving homes, buying and selling assets. Make certain you aren’t working from an ‘away from’ state of mind rather moving toward next steps. Those close to you can help maintain equilibrium in your initial decision making. Sometimes we react out of fear and haste so if you feel this way, you know you need to check your orientation. Support is important during life changes so that you feel you are still moving, migrating…A retiree friend bought a new home to downsize without discussing it with his wife who is still working. He thought it would be a surprise for her and boy was it! Ultimately, they had to sell the smaller home he’d purchased on his own, a lesson not to overreact to your new lifestyle. Others in your life can help you maintain your equilibrium.
I had the pleasure to interview Kimberly Friedmutter. Kimberly is the author of the book Subconscious Power. She is a hypnotherapist and life-management expert. Kimberly is also an actress and model best known for Evil Obsession, Time Under Fire, and the reality series Sin City Rules.
Thank you so much for joining us Kim! Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Ihad a radio show in Los Angeles and was interested in the process because I had been hypnotized in the past for stage fright and it worked! I was super intrigued because the process was easy and the correction profound, so I wanted to know hypnosis was able to correct my behavior so easily. I was always taught that changing habits and eliminating fear was hard to do and now I’d discovered a way to make it easy. Who doesn’t want easy? I was then asked to author a book to help readers get in touch with the most important part of the human mind, our subconscious. That is when Subconscious Power: Use Your Inner Mind to Create the Life You’ve Always Wanted was created.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
It would have to be the life stories of my clients. Particularly the international set with a completely different outlook than we share in the U.S. Because hypnosis works on your subconscious, it’s largely what you learn about life that can trip you up later in life. For example, my book is published in both Russian and Arabic languages and that is fascinating because it means that mental health, amplified performance and new thought about our lives, habits and outcomes is alive and thriving in those respective countries. As for a specific story, it would have to be the actor coming to me to ‘not fall in love onset’ with the costar. That was a ‘love break’ model that was ecological in order to keep his family intact. You can never guess by looking at outward appearances who has which issue(s) . . . the subconscious mind is fascinating that way.
Can you share a story with us about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? What lesson or take-away did you learn from that?
Yes, oh goodness how embarrassing! I hypnotized myself during a session and didn’t come back to consciousness until I evidently snored so loud, I interrupted myself right out of trance. From that moment, I called the President of one of the associations I belong to and he gave me the remedy. A baggie with a mixture of honey, B12 and Vitamin E. He said to create a tiny hole at the tip of the baggie, just like a pastry bag and squeeze a little in my mouth when I start to feel drowsy. Yes, I was working long hours and yes trance is relaxing, but I never did THAT again. I still laugh when I think of it.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
So many but my friend Sid has been the best friend and mentor along the way. He was never shy in correcting me. He was firm but also right in doing so. He would correct me in ways no one had before. Sid showed up in my life when I really needed a North Star and perhaps wasn’t even aware of it. We have been friends now for a decade and I love him dearly. If you asked exactly what it is that makes him special, I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint a single detail. His presence is broad, a knowingness that words can’t really capture. I share a deep love with him that guides me toward a bigger expectation of myself; an exceptional experience. I’m sure we’ve known each other throughout lifetimes.
What advice would you suggest to your colleagues in your industry to thrive and avoid burnout?
I would most definitely have them remember their calendar is their own and to create it accordingly. I love to work so a busy calendar suits me perfectly, day and night. I can’t say that I’ve ever burned out, simply because my clients give me energy, rather than taking from me. It’s an interesting thing with trance. The client is out, in other words, not conscious so what could be taking the energy? I get super excited starting with a client, I can’t wait to get into their subconscious mind and noodle around . . . check the operating system for bugs and ecological tweaks. It’s a challenge that I look forward to. I would also tell someone that writing a book about what you know is the most cleansing experience. We are often masters at something and it is wonderful to share this knowledge.
What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?
Be forgiving of yourself. You can’t make everyone happy no matter how fabulous you are. Make certain you are forthright; your career will have a sharper trajectory. Transparency is key and don’t waste time with those trying to take too much from you. Be clear, be original and be you. From that point on, people can decide if they are a good fit for your culture, not the other way around. If you are emitting all the right energy, the right people will be attracted to what you have to offer. It’s the easiest organic way to be when you are in a leadership position. You don’t have to edit when the Universe is lined up. Nature edits for you when you are aligned, remember that nugget!
Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Mental health is often looked at in binary terms; those who are healthy and those who have mental illness. The truth, however, is that mental wellness is a huge spectrum. Even those who are “mentally healthy” can still improve their mental wellness. From your experience or research, what are five steps that each of us can take to improve or optimize our mental wellness. Can you please share a story or example for each?
Yes, I lay out these principles in my book Subconscious Power. They hold true for any age and any stage in life.
1) Be accountable– when you can look at yourself, warts and all, you have a starting point. This is a private exercise for you only. Introspection is personal. Only you know the real you inside of you. Try looking in the mirror at night before bed. Do you like who you were that day? Perhaps you have some pangs of regret when you weren’t taking the highest road or most honest path. This is you, be accountable and get ready to meet your subconscious.
2) Tap into your subconscious– we all have our own internal GPS that guides us easily ‘if’ we will listen. Commonly referred to as instinct, gut impulse or intuition, it’s meant for our successful survival. Following those primal impulses (yes, we all have them) gets you what you want out of life quicker and easier. An example of this instinct is when you get the deeper feeling that someone is good for you after you meet and shake their hand or perhaps you get the opposite feeling with an impulse to steer clear of this individual. Paying closer attention to the messages your subconscious is sending will show you a clearer path to your ecology.
3) Check your orientation– do you find yourself moving away from the things you dislike or moving toward the things you like? Career, family and friends present different energies and those of us that run away from what doesn’t work usually run toward more things that don’t work, in the long term. Whereas, if you are more prone to head toward your goals, you are actively headed toward a positive future. At first glance, you might assume you make a plan and go for it, but gut check this principle because you might surprise yourself. An example of a person divorced and moving to a new town to escape the reminders of marriage vs one who heads toward a new romance or job opportunity could be a one-off or a bad habit. When you assess your orientation, you determine your future happiness.
4) Judgment is back! We are wired to assess others, first for safety then for compatibility. Our pc world has us turning in circles of appropriate and inappropriate and has confused our inner reference guide. Judging for ecology simply means that you want to know if someone is good for you in the short term, mid term, long term or ever. It’s okay not to invite everyone into your home, business, social circle and life and I highly advise against it. Your highest good must meet the highest good of others for symbiosis to occur. Be vigilant and aware of those around you. If you are meant to engage with one another, your subconscious will affirm this with a nice, warm feeling. Next time you meet someone, pull your energy back into yourself and quickly assess from your subconscious feeling rather than your conscious thought. Is this person good for me? You can feel the answer, you cannot think this one.
5) Expect an exchange– when we give, we should get and on the deepest level, we know this. Nature is reciprocal, operating on reciprocity. Even the dying tomato gives to the plant through its necrosis and fertilization of the new fruit. People like an energetic exchange. When someone gives you something, ask what you can do for them, in return. You will see them light up with excitement. Insist on it if they refuse. Let them know you find this exchange beneficial for both of you and would like to engage. They will surely come up with a way for you to participate, it’s fun!
Much of my expertise focuses on helping people to plan for after retirement. Retirement is a dramatic ‘life course transition’ that can impact one’s health. In addition to the ideas you mentioned earlier, are there things that one should do to optimize mental wellness after retirement? Please share a story or an example for each.
I feel very strongly about this one. In my view, retirement can kill us if we don’t forge a healthy plan. It is important to join a new pack, a new circle of friends, interests or remain tight with the work pack, if possible. We are pack driven and our drive keeps us alive and in migration so to engage with others is crucial when retiring. Also important is not going rogue, to consult with those you trust when making major life changes such as moving homes, buying and selling assets. Make certain you aren’t working from an ‘away from’ state of mind rather moving toward next steps. Those close to you can help maintain equilibrium in your initial decision making. Sometimes we react out of fear and haste so if you feel this way, you know you need to check your orientation. Support is important during life changes so that you feel you are still moving, migrating. Migration means we can keep up with the pack, offer to the pack and have impact. When we have impact, it means others still need us and quite frankly ‘return our calls’ or have relevance. Infuse yourself with the movers and shakers in your business or neighborhood because you undoubtedly have a lot of wisdom to share and time to share it. A retiree friend bought a new home to downsize without discussing it with his wife who is still working. He thought it would be a surprise for her and boy was it! Ultimately, they had to sell the smaller home he’d purchased on his own, a lesson not to overreact to your new lifestyle. Others in your life can help you maintain your equilibrium.
How about teens and pre-teens. Are there any specific new ideas you would suggest for teens and pre-teens to optimize their mental wellness?
Yes, listen to your own primal instincts. 1) Get to know who you really are on a subconscious level. 2) Be bold and speak up if something feels wrong to you. 3) Realize early on that people are doing the best they can at any given time with what they know and what they have, and this means you too! Your parents and your relationship with them will get better the older you get. They will become more patient and you will become more forgiving. 4) Depression passes, sadness passes so don’t get dramatic too soon. If you feel down, it’ll pass. If it does not, ask for help from an adult. 5) Drugs have one ending, death. They are designed in such a way to keep you a customer, not to keep you happy. No one will fault you for asking for help, they fault you for not asking. 6) You are smarter than you think and more valuable than you feel.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story?
My book Subconscious Power: Use Your Inner Mind to Create the Life You’ve Always Wanted because I still read it every day. It is full of lessons and just because I wrote them doesn’t mean I don’t need those lessons. I wrote the book because it was the book, we all need, the handbook to our incredible mind. Our circuitry is wired for our survival and our subconscious is our greatest ally. Every day, I read a few pages and it’s as if reading it for the first time. Our experiences color our intake so each day is full of new experience and new perspective on how to handle the day accordingly.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? (You never know what your idea can trigger)
I would start a movement of cleaning up after ourselves in public bathrooms. What happened that we got so careless with our surroundings? It’s disappointing that we are civilized ladies and then leave a mess for those following us. It would be my dream that you could set your purse on the counter next to the sink or that your pant leg can touch the floor without getting wet. You get my point. It’s a mystery to me that we don’t leave the area clean for our sister, coming into the stall after us . . . be a friend to a stranger and clean up after yourself. If we each did this, think of how nice it could be?
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
My best life quote is “What if it’s easy?” I was raised to believe everything worth having is difficult to get. It’s just not true. Sayings like ‘no pain, no gain’ and ‘no guts, no glory’ leave us feeling like ‘easy’ doesn’t deliver when it does! Easy is a blessing. How many times do people say, ‘I knew it was right because it was so easy’, or ‘nice and easy’ or ‘easy does it every time.’ This is the truth about easy. You have two ways of doing things, easy or hard and whichever you choose, you will be right. Simply asking the question ‘what if it’s easy’ cues up the Universe for the way you expect things to go. Days where you have chores that might involve long lines ask, ‘what if it’s easy.’ Times where you don’t feel you have the energy to do one more task, ask ‘what if it’s easy.’ Life is full of surprises and oftentimes life is willing to present ‘easy’ if you will just ask for it.
What is the best way our readers can follow you on social media?
- Instagram: @kimfriedmutter
- Twitter: @kimfriedmutter
- Facebook: Kimberly Friedmutter
- Website: www.kimberlyfriedmutter.com
- Book available via Amazon: http://bit.ly/KFPowerHardcover