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WATER YOUR OWN GRASS

Learning to trust your intuition and walk away from what you know is not healthy will heal you...

The grass was not greener. He could not believe he allowed himself to believe that he could do better than her. The girl he chose over her was younger. He recalled when he met this other girl how she made him feel carefree.

He remembered how he convinced himself that she was trying to trap him and strip him of his freedom. At the time he just knew that he was making the right choice. He didn’t even care when he told it was over and heard her cry. Only his happiness mattered.

He shook his head as he remembered how he embraced the other girl as he once embraced her. He even told the new girl the same words he told her. He was on cloud nine. But that didn’t last long. The shininess of the new relationship was now dull.

She continued to live carefree as if she had no responsibilities. For him… reality set in. There were real bills that needed to be paid. Instead of striving toward goals he once had, he had allowed himself to work the job he hated and blindly spend money on frivolous items. How he wished that he could rewind and go back in time.

When a younger, beautiful woman gave him attention, he left a timeless beauty so his fragile ego could be stroked. Maybe this younger woman had potential, but she was in a different phase in her life. She was not stable and relied on others to take care of her. He remembered finding it attractive for her to have to rely on him…  Maybe it was the control he longed for…

It was then he realized the one he left truly chose him. As she could take care of herself. She genuinely wanted him. As he allowed himself to daydream about her, he remembered how happy he was with her. He wanted her back. He told himself that he was going to get her back.

He stalked the coffee shop he knew she often stopped at. He did this for weeks. There was no sign of her. He was about to give up. One day he walked in and there she was at a corner table reading a book. He knew seeing her there was a clear sign that they were destined to be.

He confidently walked up to her table and sat down across from her. She put her book down and looked at him, clearly surprised to see him. He knew that this was his moment to shine. 

He cleared his throat and said, “I have been thinking about you nonstop. I want you back. I was wrong to end it. I am so sorry. Please take me back.”

She took a minute or so before she replied and told him, “I do not trust you.”

He was determined. He stated, “I know you don’t trust me, but I will gain your trust back. I will do whatever it takes. We belong together. Remember how great it felt to be together and in each other’s arms? Remember how safe it was? For old times’ sake let me take you out.”

She closed her book and stuck it in her bag. She looked into his eyes and said, “I envy you in how you could be so sentimental about the past, because I remember things exactly as they were.” She then stood up and left the coffee shop without looking back.

He was in awe. He truly believed that he was going to win her back. Why didn’t she care? He meant what he said. Then a memory of her stopped him. She had once told him to not use beautiful words unless he meant them. And in an instance he knew that in the past he used beautiful words and then left her. Why should she believe him now?

He further realized that he was an abuser in the emotional sense. There was a point in time in which she believed him. Reality cut deep when he realized that he destroyed two women in the process of only thinking of his happiness. He left the relationship he had for someone at the time was more exciting and then bailed on the one he believed to be more exciting to try to recover what he threw away.

He recognized that he didn’t stop, not even for a second to recognize that these two women were actual human beings who had real emotions. No… all he cared about was what was good for his ego at the moment.

As he sat in this coffee shop pondering his life choices, she drove away with a smile on her face. She didn’t need validation from a man. She believed after all this trial and error, she finally understood that although life consists of suffering, there were many situations where she could simply choose to just walk away… and this was one of them.

As it has been said before, “Sometimes you need to walk away from something you think you want in order to get what you deserve.”

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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