As a divorce lawyer, I am usually in the middle of daily battles between the husband and wife, in court. Both of them think that they are in the right and none of them back down, sometimes leading to years in litigation. The biggest casualty of this war is the kick in the gut to your own self-esteem and personal growth.
I went through this long arduous journey myself as a litigant, counselor and finally a divorce lawyer. The initial years of my divorce battle left me angry, bewildered and bitter. I count those years as the darkest years. Each day seemed like a year and life seemed to be going around in circles. Till one day, I decided enough is enough and switched from VICTIM to VICTOR mode.
As I reflect on what caused this change it was because ‘I LET GO’.
I would no longer wake up each morning feeling resentful at the injustice meted out to me by my husband and his family. Instead, I started thinking about what I could do to get ahead in life. I started focusing on the things that I was good at. I knew that I was good at reading and writing and thereby commenced my journey, taking baby steps.
I set up India’s first non-judgmental divorce support group for those going through a divorce, which challenges the mores of a patriarchal middle-class society that obviously has different rules and expectations for women and then, wrote a book ‘360 degrees back to life – a litigant humorous perspective on divorce’ based on the experiences of the support group.
Since I was penniless, I took up various jobs instead of depending on a handout from my in-laws/husband. Instead of sobbing at the lack of funds or support, I decided to study law to help me in my own case/court battle. Each time, a new obstacle came I just learned to either jump over it or sidestep it. My father who was a fighter pilot with the Indian Air taught me how to shoot down problems as though they are the enemy and my mum taught me how to be a risk taker, both of the qualities that I put to good us in my new life. Their unconditional love for me taught me to love myself which helped me in my darkest phase to let go of negativity and only focus on positivity.
Today my life journey has taken me to being a successful divorce lawyer and I am honored to have been empaneled as a senior advocate by the NCW (National Commission for Women-India’s foremost organization for Women’s Rights).
Another book of mine “EX-Files” was published by Penguin and I also launched India’s first legal app ‘Divorcekart’ – which provides 24/7 lawyers on call/chat.
All this …just because I had the brilliant billion dollar idea of –Letting Go.
It was this philosophy that helped me to combat the vitriolic abuse in a marriage, having no support from relatives, highly judgmental society which only looks at women who are divorced as Vamps. When I restarted my life, I put aside all the negativity and only focused on the positive path to growth.
As I stand, at another crossroad of my life, I look at more horizons to conquer and I’m proud of my life philosophy, “It is better to elevate yourself rather than pulling down another”.
Till next time –Live Life EmpressSize