If you are single you will instantly understand this articles title, how often are we told or implied by society to be lesser people, just because we are not in a relationship or marriage? Daily, this phenomenon happens 24/7 three hundred and sixty-five days a year, we can’t avoid the endless romantic movies, or being taught love as the fixer of everything wrong in our life’s. The cheesy jewelry commercials that insinuate your worth is most definitely tied to the person who we choose to be with. How about those relatives that very rudely say things like “I can’t believe you are STILL single” or “isn’t it, time you married”?
Valentines is an amped up version of this year long dig at those who are single. Well I have a suggestion for those companies and advertisers who seem to push upon us that we are less worthy and somehow unfulfilled being single -STOP IT!
How about you start pushing the agenda of self-love? How about we start teaching men and especially young women that your life goal should never be the white dress and the three-tier cake, but to feel 100% happy whole and loved alone. Maybe throw on top of that, extra bonus life goals like finding your passion, loving others, being tolerant and kind. Education, success, how you give back to others aren’t these MORE important things to install in a child that these should be life goals not a giant meringue dress and a ring?
Your happy ever after should be YOU a standalone, kind, productive member of society who loves yourself. Truly -loves yourself, including flaws, body size, annoying quirks, and loves the life you created for you. As a divorce expert I hear far too often, how marriage wasn’t what people thought it would be, it’s unlike it is advertised, it doesn’t make you inherently feel any better about yourself or your own demons or issues, and often if married to the wrong person can actually create them from unhappiness found in mismatched unions. The truth is no other human can make you happy, no other human can fix you, or solve all your problems. Having an inattentive spouse throw a box of cheap chocolate and a cuddly toy at you one day a year, is the furthest thing from love I can imagine.
Love is consistent effort even when it does not suit you, it’s loving yourself to the point that you will not put up with others mistreatment of you, it’s being happy in a healthy relationship or as happy being single. Love is to go about your everyday life with kindness, thank the door man, smile at the barista, compliment a stranger. Love is most certainly not an over commercialized day where we are shamed into feeling less of a success in life because we have no one to give us an overpriced Valentines card.
So, if you are alone this Valentine’s day, I hope you remember that, you are loved by many and by yourself and this ultimately is the most important part of understanding how to be happy for a life time. This feeling will never come from anyone else but you. So, if you have mastered self-love, celebrate Valentine’s day, order your favorite take out, drink a glass of wine, or if you are like me eat cake and know that the reality is you are probably happier than half the people spending Valentine days in unhappy relationships. If you aren’t so great at the whole self-love thing yet, don’t worry, there is time, daily positive affirmations, kind self-talk and healthy living will get you to this point fairly quickly and that is something even in a divorce or break up no one can take from you!
CEO Founder DreamsRecycled.com
Originally published at medium.com