Community//

Valentine’s Break-up

The Gift of Loving Myself

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Many do not know unless they have been through it that Valentine’s Day is the biggest break-up time of the year.  I didn’t have a clue about this until it happened to me years ago.  

It wasn’t a long relationship, and yet it didn’t seem to have any signs of ending soon.  Until it happened. His ex had been following along his social media page and decided she wanted him back. I remember so vividly because when we were ending it, via video chat he said clearly to me; “We have the kind of love that will last the rest of our lives”.  “She and I have history, we have memories.” He said she called him up and started reminding him of the good times they had and it pulled at his heart. So, he decided to go back to her. Logic?

At that point, I realized that with that mentality I didn’t want to stay with him.  I wouldn’t stay with a man that decided that a love that would last a lifetime together was so disposable against a visit down memory lane.  This was 4 days prior to Valentine’s Day. It was the perfect time to contact an ex and reminisce. 

I wasn’t devastated, but I was a bit taken back.  Who knew having lasting love was the reason for a breakup. I’ve learned so much since that time.  It’s been a gift.

I learned that during the end of the year holidays people want to celebrate, connect, date and have romance.  After New Year’s eve things settle down, romance levels out and it is a time to reflect on the current relationship.  When Valentine’s Day nears it’s a time of the year where there is pressure to have a special someone to celebrate it with.  Often times it’s a wake-up call for some. They realize they do not want that special someone to be the person they are currently with. 

Though Valentine’s Day is certainly a time to celebrate love, it is how society perceives that love expression that puts pressure on so many.  I don’t mean material gifts, I mean pressure for commitment and lasting love. It is also a catalyst for further observation.

Personally, I’ve had some amazing, unforgettable Valentine’s Days and I’ve had some where my Valentine’s Day expression was with someone I wasn’t that into.  I’ve had Valentine’s Day celebrations with my daughters. What’s most important is that I’ll love me through it all to the end of time. I have zero resistance to spend Valentine’s Day with myself. Romantic, no but beautiful, yes.

What happens when we close one door we open another.  I learned that society puts too much effort into being with someone rather than just loving someone and most importantly one’s self. 
With my Valentine’s break up I learned a great deal.  I learned that when people show you what is important to them, listen.  I’ve not seen this guy since. I understand they broke up and it was a temporary reunion……….and I’m grateful for it.   The value of the information that I received that night on video chat will last me many Valentine’s Days ahead. Self-love continues to sustain me.  In a relationship or out, I love me. That gives me the freedom to love someone else in the same freedom that eliminates the social pressure to be coupled during Valentine’s Day.  I still love Valentine’s Day! I still love beautiful heartfelt cards, sweet sentiments, roses, and candlelight dinners. It’s who I celebrate it with that matters the most.  

Photo by Dave Webb on Unsplash

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