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Using the Power of Your Mind to go from Pain to Purpose

How I was able to conquer my mind and find purpose after losing my brother, being sexually assaulted, and having a traumatic car accident (and how YOU can too!)


With all the uncertainty going on around the world there has never been a better time to reconnect to your inner world (and more specifically to your thoughts) in order to gain control over your life! 

Studies show that the mind has around 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day. Of these thoughts approximately 95% are subconscious and 80% are negative! This means that 95% of your daily thoughts, actions and beliefs are programmed in and not things you are consciously aware of or in control over! 

When you look at the goals and aspirations you have for your life, chances are you come up against some mental resistance. (Hey, this is normal and shows up for even the most successful people in all career and life-paths. Welcome to being human!)  

This mental resistance can show up in the form of:

  • limiting beliefs that tell you you’re not “good enough” or not “ready” yet
  • stories from your childhood that replay in your mind and remind you of mistakes or “failures’ you had
  • trauma and pain that keeps you fearing for your safety, afraid to show up in a position that makes you feel vulnerable, exposed, or open to judgment
  • or an abundance of other mental blocks that generally stem from your egos need to feel “safe”

Everybody faces these kinds of resistance daily, but in order to achieve your dreams and create a meaningful and fulfilling life for yourself it’s crucial to break down the patterns and reprogram your mind for success.

This way, you can train your mind to actually support you, your biggest goals and your wildest dreams!

The Search for Answers 

I was always fascinated by the mind and by human psychology growing up but I became really committed to studying it and finding answers when I was in my early 20’s.

This is because at 18 years old my older brother Derek passed away from an allergic reaction to a prescription drug. 

One night we were texting before bed about my University volleyball match that had just finished up and everything was fine and normal. The next morning I was getting a phone call from my mom telling me that Derek had passed away.

Stricken with grief I began desperately searching for purpose anywhere I could – leading me to spend the last 8 years traveling and working with various Coaches and Healers around the world.

Because my whole view of the world had changed in an instant, I knew I needed to find meaning in my life again somehow and I didn’t believe I could find it at home or by listening to the typical “Western” ways of talk therapy or prescription drugs.

On top of that – a couple years after Derek passed I was sexually assaulted at my University and then I hit black ice while driving across Canada, causing me to lose control, flip and then roll four times. 

A picture the RCMP took of me in my car when they arrived on the scene.

Through all of these painful experiences and moments of trauma it became clear to me that my mindset was extra important to focus on if I ever wanted to find freedom or peace of mind again. 

For a while I found myself consumed by these experiences on top of the “normal” insecurities and anxieties that every young adult has, struggling to find clarity and happiness each day.

I noticed how strongly I had identified to my trauma and grief and in my mind I had shaped my whole identity around these three heavy situations. (Unfortunately, this “identity attachment” is something that often happens with trauma, grief, or any sort of sudden, unexpected pain!)

No matter where I went, I unconsciously carried these experiences like a sad, badge of honour, believing that the only thing people would see in me was my pain.

It was a really dark and lonely place!

At the time I didn’t realize what my brain was doing but over the years of studying and working with Coaches, Mentors and Healers I began to uncover what was going on. 

In simple terms, when we look at the brain and the way it’s wired it becomes clear just how much our focus and attention matters each day!

“What you focus on, grows.”

When you focus on a negative or stressful thought, your brain communicates with your body and sends out signals to prepare for the negative situation.

The brain doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat, so every thought holds extreme power!

This is why negative emotions FEEL so real. A strong thought can trick the brain into thinking that the event is happening again right now in the present moment!

Taking a minute to really let that sink in and reflect on just how powerful your thoughts and focus are in your life… can you see a direct correlation between the thoughts that you’re thinking and how you end up feeling each day? 

Think about how drained, worn-down, and stressed out you feel (mentally, emotionally and physically) when you are thinking about all the things that are going wrong or all the things you have to do.

Then think about how much lighter the world seems when you’re thinking positive thoughts, you’re surrounded by people you love, or you have just broken out into laughter!

Your overall life hasn’t magically changed during the moment of laughter, but the feelings in your body are giving off a totally different vibe and allowing you to escape from the “negative” reality for a bit!

Your body gets a mini break from the struggles and it has a chance to enjoy those feel-good chemicals, allowing you to relax and see more clearly!

When you incorporate un-healed or un-released trauma and pain into the mix, they trigger such powerful memories and emotions that it only makes sense they’d carry a heavy weight on your ability to focus or relax in the present moment!

The longer you carry or try to bottle up this trauma, the longer you are weighed down by it whether you are consciously aware of it or not.

It can become a vicious cycle where your negative thoughts trigger negative feelings in the body, which then trigger more negative thoughts! 

(This is often referred to as a Negative Feedback Loop: If you’d like to understand more about how this works and how to create Positive Feedback Loops instead – check out my Free Mindset Training here.)

Thoughts can’t change your past or remove the painful experiences, but they do dictate the way you feel in each moment and how stressed or relaxed your body is. 

And since your present thoughts, feelings and actions directly influence your future – in order to create a future FREE from the past, you need to gain massive control over the present!

You Create Your Own Story

Good thoughts may not be able to heal the trauma, pain or grief – but they do allow you to see the present moment more clearly and to be able to find some light in your day!

The process of going from pain to purpose takes place when you put MORE attention on creating an empowered, hero story for yourself than you do telling the helpless, victim story.

(This is NOT to victim-shame or say your experiences weren’t worthy of pain – but to emphasize where you’re putting your focus and attention. I focused on my victim story for a long time before realizing I had the power to focus on more positive aspects of my life to help speed up my healing.)

Quite honestly, almost everyone has made the shift from victim to victor in some capacity.

For example:

  • overcoming toxic relationship patterns to find a new sense of self-worth and attract a healthy relationship
  • letting go of the story of not being “smart enough” in order to start a dream business
  • conquering fear around travel or doing something “different” and feeling the satisfaction in your personal growth
  • finding a silver lining in a situation that once only looked bleak and dark

 It all comes down to how deeply you desire to create a new life for yourself and how willing you are to leave the past behind, once and for all. 

As the girl who once identified herself in very limiting terms and by very sad stories, to the woman who now truly understands she is more than any of those experiences or labels could ever express… it’s one of my deepest passions to help others see this too. 

You don’t have to stay held back by your past and you don’t have to stay stuck in that old story!

The fastest way to freedom is to learn how to deeply release trauma and old stories, master your thoughts, and find confidence and alignment in who you TRULY are, underneath all the old stories and experiences!

The beautiful thing is that your story is still being written and you’ve got the pen in your hands.

So the question is, what will you choose to write? 

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