“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” — Steve Maraboli
How many times have we heard this? I have, many times, and I am surprised at how easily I forget! There I am, blaming someone else for my hurt feelings, my sadness, disappointment, overwhelm, and for my lost day/weekend/life. It escalates, before you know it, you are blaming them for your lack of productivity, sleep, exercise and direction. It’s all their fault.
“If only they would….”
“There’s not a chance we’ll reach our full potential until we stop blaming each other and start practicing personal accountability.” — John Miller, QBQ
If we are stuck in a loop of blaming people, circumstances or institutions for our life, we have no future other than the same, (and eventually it gets worse), unless we get out of that revolving door.
There is no way out of this if we are to succeed and experience satisfaction.
This space is scary because it can get tricky in some situations, but the rule demonstrates that it applies across circumstance. Some people will resist forever, and will rather be powerless victims to whom stuff happens.
“The final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”— Anne Frank
All this can sound harsh, but not taking full responsibility of everything in our lives is like having big holes on the floor of our boats; you have to keep bucketing the water out, and all your energy goes into keeping your boat afloat, never mind where the boat is headed, you cannot do everything at once; you either are a victim and handle the energy loss of being victimized, or you take responsibility and use all that energy in the service of YOU, to boost your goals, to pursue your passion, to be bold and brave; adventurous and awesome.
Awesome people have also suffered and been victimized, but they said “hell no”, “I will not be a victim, that’s not who I am going to be; I am going to be empowered and I will dictate the value and weight I give things”.
— So my parents abandoned me? If they hadn’t I wouldn’t have met the awesome people I met.
— My ex cheated on me? That relationship was over anyway; it gave me the push I needed to move forward.
— I got that scary experience? (fill in the blank), it showed me things about life I didn’t know, and how much I want to truly live it.
Taking TOTAL responsibility of everything in our lives is one of the most empowering decisions we can make. You aren’t the only one for whom this may be harsh and difficult, it is harsh and difficult for a lot of us, but that single act of “maning” or “womaning” UP is pregnant with possibility.
Feeling Like a Victim is Not an Option
You cannot feel like a victim when you are a fully responsible adult who can make choices, take risks. You reinvent yourself because stagnation is not acceptable.
AND just because we have taken responsibility in the past doesn’t mean that we will never forget and fall in a blaming game and get stuck again… We have to be alert so we don’t fall in that trap.
When we feel stuck maybe the first thing we should ask ourselves is:
“Who am I blaming of what?”
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” — Theodore Roosevelt
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear, and when our hearts are open, the universe collaborates.
I will therefore and henceforth, take full responsibility for my life’s situation and condition; I absolve all parties close or remote of any responsibility for my current status. (I cannot absolve anyone of wrong-doing; that is not my place).
This feels good. And exciting :-).
Copyrighted material 2017
Originally published at medium.com