Community//

Uncomfortable Using Your Voice?

Simple Steps to Find Ease in Your Authentic Voice Let’s be real. Why is it uncouth or ‘bitchy’ to speak up? I don’t mean in volume but in truth. Have you ever suppressed your true voice or your real feelings? You are not alone. I know I certainly have. Have we feared rejection, controversy, or […]

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres on our open platform. We publish pieces as written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team and must meet our guidelines prior to being published.

Simple Steps to Find Ease in Your Authentic Voice

Let’s be real. Why is it uncouth or ‘bitchy’ to speak up? I don’t mean in volume but in truth.

Have you ever suppressed your true voice or your real feelings? You are not alone. I know I certainly have.

Have we feared rejection, controversy, or being patronized?  It is my opinion that many women pretend that everything is ‘fine’, and we hide from speaking out because we are taught from a young age to be ‘nice’.  Somehow, being true to our own voice, power and thoughts isn’t nice if it is in contrast to what is expected or preferred. 

An example of this demeaning and shaming culture towards women can be read in a recent Wall Street Journal article about Jill Biden written by Joseph Epstein.  Epstein wrote a scathing editorial, describing the use of ‘Dr.’ before her name, fraudulent and comical because she received her doctorate in education, not in medicine.  The shaming is prevalent in our society, how dare Dr. Jill Biden have a profession she can be proud of and recognized for, not to mention the value created nurturing young people.

As my personal and professional relationships expanded, I felt like I was drowning.

My modus operandi was to suppress my voice and authentic self and I often felt that I was not ‘heard’ or understood.  Looking back, how could I have been heard and understood if I weren’t being true to myself by speaking up?

Recently in a conversation, I became aware that I was actually voicing my honest feelings and convictions. In fact, this new phenomenon is happening more often.  Yes, speaking out, being authentic and vulnerable is uncomfortable, and at the same time, it feels good.

Maybe the change has come from getting older; I no longer care what people think and I am more inclined to speak my mind without trying to appease others.  The ‘why’ does not matter, what matters is that I have found my authentic voice.  I will not be quieted any longer. 

Here is an example of how this change has manifested itself in my daily life:

I recently lost an entire day waiting for a scheduled home inspection that somehow failed to take place.  At the end of the day, I called the scheduling office where I explained that though I understand things happen, my time and energy are important, and I was not paid to wait.  The customer service representative was defensive and condescending and the ‘younger me’ would have apologized for any misunderstanding and just rescheduled.  This time, though I was respectful, I assertively advocated for another appointment for the next business day and also shortened the service window to before 10am in the morning so I wouldn’t waste another full day waiting.

When I got off the phone, I felt empowered.  Was I also uncomfortable asserting my needs?  YES.

The service provider arrived the next business day at 10am per my request. The home service was completed and we both were laughing by the end of the service call.  This was another reminder that with every challenge, there is an opportunity for growth. 

I use these 3 steps to ensure I continue to have my voice be heard.

  • Trust your intuition.  Humility and critical thinking are important but if something does not feel right, it is a sign that you must speak up.  We can still be kind while being assertive.
  • Trust your intuition.  Humility and critical thinking are important but if something does not feel right, it is a sign that you must speak up.  We can still be kind while being assertive.
  • Trust your intuition.  Humility and critical thinking are important but if something does not feel right, it is a sign that you must speak up.  We can still be kind while being assertive.

It takes practice and while practicing, I strive to manifest emotionally and spiritually healthy relationships.    By adjusting my behavior, the relationships entering my life now are healthier and more respectful.  Hmmm, could this be because I now respect myself enough not to abandon what really matters to me? Whatever the reason, I find it incredibly empowering to stand my ground for no other reason than because I am worth it.

Yes, it is uncomfortable, and I still walk away from these conversations feeling like maybe I was too much or wondering if I have made them mad at me.  I must remind myself that this is old thinking and programming which no longer serves.

Moral of the story: Use your voice.  Your truth is needed in the world, now more than ever.

    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

    Community//

    “5 Things We Can Each Do To Make Social Media And The Internet A Kinder And More Tolerant Place” With ​Adina Mahalli

    by Yitzi Weiner
    Community//

    Bullying! Do You Bully Yourself?

    by Pirie Jones Grossman
    Photo courtesy Pixabay.
    Community//

    Women Are Finally Speaking Up, But Is Anyone Listening?

    by Jennifer Atkinson

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

    - MARCUS AURELIUS

    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.