Question: Allana, I am trying so hard to be strong for my child but every time my little boy asks me about his father (who isn’t in the picture), my heart breaks. What do I say to him? Why is he asking so much many questions about a person he has never met?
Answer: Beautiful woman, I can only imagine how you feel. As a mother, one of the hardest things to witness is our child in pain. We want to shield them from every sorrow and give them everything we never had… And yet I invite you to consider that that’s unrealistic, and even unhealthy.
Part of setting our children up to win in life is to support them in navigating intense emotions and teaching them how to stay present and loving to themselves whether they are happy or sad. So many of us have been taught to suppress our emotions or that being sad or mad is bad. And yet all emotions are beautiful experiences, that when embraced, will lead us to grow.
It seems you feel a wee guilty, yes? Are you punishing yourself for leaving him? For being a single mother? Abusing yourself for not providing your little boy with a father?
Is it true that you’ve done your best? Then perhaps it’s time to forgive yourself?
There’s nothing wrong with his curiosity, and nothing wrong with wondering why if other people have a father, why doesn’t he? There’s no need to make up fantasy excuses, no need to make it any more complicated than it is, just provide a simple age appropriate answer about his father. This will show him that it’s OK to wonder, it’s OK to feel happy or sad, it’s OK for life to look different than others AND that there’s always a blessing in every situation… if you look for it 😉
I invite you to train yourself and your son to look for what’s right about a situation, what’s the gift in a challenge, what’s the opportunity when things don’t go as planned, where’s the silver lining?
I get there are disadvantages and challenges to being a single mother, I am a single mother. However there are also advantages, look for them my love. They are there.
I love that your heart is so big, what a lucky boy.
Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.