People talk about getting them all the time. They stand there, and with a big inhale tell you their heart is broken.
There is no discrediting the pain you feel from a broken heart, it is immense. The sadness and sorrow consume every nook and cranny of your life.
Your life once felt so vibrant and exciting and now it has become flat and dull. Pretending this doesn’t exist is just as bad as permanently wallowing in the tears. In order to recover, it is required to feel the mourning of the relationship lost, and the vision you had of its future. Because yes, a break up is like a funeral. Not the person, but the future and life that you envisioned with them did die.
Don’t let these feelings trick you, you are breathing, your blood is flowing and your heart is beating. So no, that jerk didn’t kill you, or thus, break your heart.
An ending relationship hurts deeply, but here is the thing, that pain is actually a beautiful sign. It is all in the perspective you choose to take.
Kyle Cease was interviewed on the show Impact Theory and during this conversation, he discussed broken hearts and explained why you feel the sensations of a broken heart.
When I ended a relationship a few years back his words sparked exactly what my wounded heart needed at the moment and felt too powerful to keep all to myself. He introduced the topic of a broken heart with this quote:
“I really believe that no person has ever broken your heart, but they break your expectations. And by breaking your expectations, they get you closer to your heart.”– Kyle Cease
That feeling can be uncomfortable and painful. It is also a beautiful and magical experience.
In order to better understand the pain you feel, I invite you to look into this statement from Kyle. You might be able to view this broken heart and ending of a relationship as a beautiful opportunity for the future. So, start by focusing on the expectations that you have and how they weren’t met.
We all have desires and standards for what we want out of a partnership and romantic relationship. Some may even have a list of qualities they want a partner to possess or a vision of how their relationship will play out in their lives. That is awesome.
So when someone says “I can’t do this anymore.” or “This isn’t working” what they are actually saying is: “I don’t meet your expectations.” That is a powerful statement.
When in this state, ask yourself if you would want to be with someone that can never live up to the expectations you have. Or on the flip side, consider if you could never meet your partner’s expectations. That would be a cause for constant turmoil and ultimate let down.
When your expectations are not met, it puts you closer to your own heart.
This begins to explain that aching feeling in your chest, that loss of joy and enthusiasm. You are creeping closer and closer to yourself. By doing so you’ve begun to realize what your soul deeply desires. This experience can be frightening and unfamiliar.
Perhaps you learned that you need someone who is dedicated to a passionate life purpose, or you are realizing that you want to be with someone who enjoys outdoor activities. Maybe you desire a partner who is willing to communicate clearly.
You are figuring out what you need, want and desire in life and in a partner. This is incredibly exciting! Take a moment for yourself and instead of sulk at home with a box of tissues, dance down the streets, pop some bottles of bubbly, eat froyo and fill up with the excitement of this moment.
These are all powerful learning lessons and opportunities for growth. This is where the magic begins to happen. Your heart is telling you exactly what it wants! Take time to listen and learn. Ending relationships and feeling the emotions of the coined term a “broken heart” is painful no doubt.
But it is through this time that you learn more about yourself, that you connect deeper with your friendships and that you prepare for something new, something better, something closer to your hearts needs and desires.
Breath deep, and choose to look forward at your shining new future.
Or like Miranda from Sex and the City…choose to only look back or the right occassions.
This article first appeared on Medium.