By Claire Lew
Many managers say flat-out that their biggest frustration is when employees are not prepared for a one-on-one meeting.
Over the past four years, I’ve heard countless managers, CEOs, and business owners say a version of this to me: “During a one-on-one, I’ll ask a question and there’s silence on the other end. Or they’ll use it as a complaining session and it’s clear they haven’t been thoughtful about what feedback they’re offering. The lack of preparation just kills me.”
As an employee, this may be somewhat surprising to hear. We often underestimate how vexing it can be for a manager when we don’t come fully prepared to a one-on-one meeting.
I dearly wished I’d approached those one-on-one meetings differently, with less passivity and more positivity.
I know I didn’t prepare for any of my one-on-ones when I was an employee six years ago. Out of fear, anxiety, and a bit of dread for what the conversation was going to be like, I pushed my impending one-on-one meeting out of mind. I didn’t think about what I wanted to say in the weeks (and days) leading up to it. “Was it really worth putting in the energy to do so? Nah…” I thought to myself. So I decided against it. As a result, when my boss asked me, “What do you think could be better in the company?” my answer was vague and not meaningful.
In the moment, it felt like the safe and comfortable thing to do. The truth is, I only hurt myself. I bungled my opportunity to influence real change. I also only further frustrated my boss, who was perplexed that I seemed dissatisfied but never vocalized my concerns outright.
Eventually, I left the company. But I dearly wished I’d approached those one-on-one meetings differently, with less passivity and more positivity. I wish I would’ve seen those one-on-one meetings as an opportunity instead of an obstacle. I wish I would’ve seized those one-on-ones as a moment to engage and dig deeper with my manager, instead of using them to create distance and fester in apathy.
In the six years since being an employee, now as a CEO myself, I’ve since learned the power of preparing for a one-on-one. It’s not just managers who should be preparing for them, but employees too.
Knowing what I know now, here’s what I wish I would’ve considered when preparing for a one-on-one meeting with my then boss.
Managers crave to know what they should be doing to help you do your best work. After all, a manager’s ultimate job is to create an environment that enables you to tap into your own intrinsic motivation. During your one-on-one, make sure you share what tangibly has been most motivating to you while at the company: What’s been your favorite project? Who was someone you really enjoyed working it? Why was what you were working on so invigorating to you?
What we must remember is that if we don’t talk about it, our managers will never know about it.
As an employee, it’s always tough to bring up a critique of the company, especially if it’s about your own manager’s habits and actions. You’re worried it’ll be misinterpreted as “complain-y”, that your manager will take it personally, and that it could affect your career progression. Or perhaps worse, you’ll put in all the effort of sharing your feedback and nothing will happen.
While all of those scenarios might be possible outcomes, what we must remember is that if we don’t talk about it, our managers will never know about it. The little things, whether it’s your manager interrupting you during meetings or always asking you to stay late, add up. They gnaw away at your ability to feel energized about your work. If you don’t say something, then who will? When you do speak up and vocalize tough feedback, look to approach the conversation with care, observation, fallibility, and curiosity. It’s a hard, delicate path to travel, but it’s a worthwhile path if you want your work environment to become better.
Your one-on-one with your manager is your chance to let her know how you’d like to be further pushed and challenged in your role (or outside your role). Take time to reflect on what you’d like to improve or work on professionally. Perhaps it’s something more broad, like learning to be more patient and strategic in your thinking. Or maybe it’s much more about gaining a specific skill, such as becoming a better writer. Suggest potential projects for how you’d like to grow in those areas, and see if your manager has any ideas around it. Ask your manager for advice on what books, classes, or people you should be talking to help you pursue the greater learning you’re looking for.
Giving feedback during a one-on-one isn’t just about zooming in on the bad. It’s the perfect time to point out the good, especially the good things your manager has done or said. Think about what your manager does that your previous manager at another company never did. What are the things you want to make sure she knows you don’t take for granted? Be specific, and say thank you. Not only will it help boost the morale of your manager (who needs the positive support, as being a manager can be a thankless job in some ways), but it helps guide your manager to double down on the things that you appreciate.
Take advantage of the fact that you have dedicated time to discuss bigger questions about the state of the company with your manager.
Are you concerned that the company is growing too fast and losing some of its original culture? Are you confused why the company decided to change its vision midyear when things have been going so well? Consider leveling with your manager about what uncertainty is weighing on your mind during the one-on-one. It’s much more challenging to try to bring up those questions outside of a one-on-one meeting, so take advantage of the fact that you have dedicated time to discuss bigger questions about the state of the company with your manager.
During your one-on-one, your manager is bound to share some constructive feedback in an area you could improve. While intimidating at times, it’s a good and helpful thing, and something to prepare for. To help make the conversation easier for you both, and to show that you’re actively looking to improve, offer some of your thoughts about moments you wish you would’ve handled differently. This could come in the form of goals, such as, “I want to find ways to ask more questions when interacting with customers,” or observations of areas you want to strengthen, such as, “I have a tendency to rush some of my projects, and I want to find ways to focus more on quality instead of speed.”
In case your manager doesn’t ask questions that cover everything you’d like to cover, you’ll want to have a few questions prepared. Here are some examples of questions you can ask that’ll help you better understand how you can improve as an individual contributor, and help your manager understand what they can be doing better as well:
This may feel like a lot. I might recommend taking 30 minutes or so to reflect on some of these items and even writing out some questions yourself.
Keep in mind that the more you put into a one-on-one, the more you can get out. While a 30-minute or one hour meeting doesn’t seem like much, it’s an opportunity to create a better relationship with your manager, to improve the work environment around you, and to be happier in your job.
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Originally published on Unreasonable.