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Tips On Taking The High Road Through Divorce

How Do You Want Your Family and Friends to Remember You Through This Process?

By taking the high road, you are choosing a future of possibility, hope and happiness rather than fighting to live in a past full of pain, fear and anger. Let me show you how you can navigate the experience with dignity, self-respect and keep your reputation intact.

  1. Treat your spouse with respect, even if he/she doesn’t deserve it.
    Your spouse is a human being. No matter what they did in the past, you owe it to them to end this civilly (especially in front of the kiddos).
  2. Freely share information about the kids, without being asked to.
    No matter how angry or hurt you are, remember the kids are part of both of you. Your kids know it and feel it.  Share information openly in a simple way to begin the co-parenting relationship.
  3. Be flexible in parenting times and days without making it a big deal.
    If it is better for your kids to switch the schedule, then just do it; even if you feel that you are constantly re-arranging your plans to accommodate your ex’s last- minute changes. Switching is annoying but suck it up and make your kid’s lives easier.
  4. Don’t tell your children all the details of your split.
    While you want to always be honest with your kiddos, especially if they are older, spare them the unnecessary and way too personal details. There truly are some things they should never know. You are not withholding inappropriate information, you are protecting them. That’s what parents do!
  5. If you have the upper hand in your divorce, you don’t always have to play it.
    I am not sure a good family law attorney would agree with this statement, but sometimes there is more to your life than your “legal rights”. If you have the power to destroy your entire family legally, financially or emotionally, ask yourself, “would the ends justify the means”? If you had a nuclear bomb, would you use it just because you had it?
  6. You don’t always have to take the bait.
    If your spouse says something mean, stupid or pushes your buttons (as we all know they know how to do); PAUSE, BREATHE, WALK AWAY. DO NOT ENGAGE! You will be testing your self- control more than you ever thought possible, but just walk away. The more you fight, the longer your divorce takes in time, emotion and cost. Fighting effects your children. Fighting effects your health. Controlling your temper is not a sign of weakness. You are, in fact showing a huge amount of strength and courage.
  7. Don’t text your spouse 50 times a day.
    Cut the umbilical cord. You are getting a divorce. Get off/ block all social media with them. It’s time to stop looking in the rearview mirror!
  8. Resist the temptation to hide, lie or cheat where money/assets are concerned.
    You can use the word “creative” if you like, but it is not honest. The urge is even greater if your spouse has already done this to you. Do you really want to stoop to that level? Are you really comfortable being that person?  Take these circumstances to the judge and let the judge see the dishonesty in your spouse. This will make your case a lot stronger. But if you choose to hide away assets, any and all advantages you had will be lost.
  9. When you feel you are being nickled and dimed in your negotiations, let it go.
    Don’t throw in the towel, don’t be a doormat. If you are spending $ 3,000.00 in attorney fees fighting over a $ 1,500.00 sofa, have you really won this argument?  If your spouse needs to win this one, let them. Put this divorce behind you and move on with your new and better life. Rise above your soon to be ex-spouse’s pettiness; after all, isn’t this just one of the many reasons to remind you of why you are getting a divorce?
  10. If you make a mistake or mess up; apologize.
    While you don’t owe your spouse an apology, wouldn’t it be nice if your spouse apologized to you when he/she did something wrong? They may never have or ever will but you are taking the high road. If not for you, then set this example for your kiddos.

You have always been an awesome person.  Try not to let the circumstances of divorce change that. Remember, this too, shall pass; and when it does, and you look in the mirror; you will face yourself with a huge, smile knowing you did the very best you could do!

Jacqui Atcheson is a Certified Divorce Coach ® and Certified Divorce Mediator that specializes in working with her clients starting at the earliest stages of divorce. She helps them get certainty about what they want, control over their future and peace of mind knowing they made the best possible decisions.  Her passion for helping others through divorce began as a personal mission in 1979 and became her profession in 1996.  Get introduced to her services at: www.betterpathtodivorce.com

Jacqui Atcheson is a Certified Divorce Coach ® and Certified Divorce Mediator that specializes in working with her clients starting at the earliest stages of divorce. She helps them get certainty about what they want, control over their future and peace of mind knowing they made the best possible decisions.  Her passion for helping others through divorce began as a personal mission in 1979 and became her profession in 1996.  Get introduced to her services at: www.betterpathtodivorce.com

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