How is your love life? Are you having fun? Enjoying your partner? Playfully creating adventures and having more gratitude for your lover each day? Or has the spark that once was there somewhat diminished or perhaps even gone away? Maybe your partner spends less time with you than you would like. Maybe he does not look at you with that same lustful look in his eyes that he used to. Maybe conversations have gone from inspiring and engaging to boring or mostly non-existent. If any of these things are occurring for you, perhaps there is something you can do to ignite the spark once again.
Three are three common things that women do that push their men away. Stop these actions, make different choices and you may discover that your gentleman simply cannot get enough of you.
- Controlling
Women often conclude that in order to get everything they want, they must control all things, including their man. What if the exact opposite is true? I have a former lover that liked to surf. When we first began our relationship, he did not think he should surf because based on his previous relationships he thought I would get cranky if he took time to do the things that he enjoys. That is not my point of view. Whatever is fun for you, do more of that! It benefits you and it benefits the relationship.
When we care about someone and enjoy being with them it can be a natural tendency to try and control things in an attempt to make sure that person never leaves, but the reality is that control kills relationships and ensures separation whether physical or energetically. Rather than control, choose allowance for everything your partner is and for everything they are choosing. Allowance says, “I honor me. I honor you. I honor my choices. I honor your choices.” Building a relationship from this place, allows each of you the freedom to create a relationship that works for both of you.
2. Demanding Change
What did you absolutely adore about your lover when you first met? What did you enjoy about them? What made you smile? Chances are you said yes to being with your partner because of who they are so for what reason would you try and make them change? Seems crazy and yet it occurs all the time. My advice ladies? If you want something to train, get a puppy. Men are meant to be honored and adored for who they are; not conformed into the image you have decided they must fit.
Men and women function differently. One is not right. One is not wrong. They are simply different. Women like to share and verbally process things. Men tend to process more internally. Whether you function as a man or a woman is not dictated by your body parts. Some women function more like men and vice versa. The key is to get that if your man likes to have time to himself or does not want to talk when he is processing things or likes to do things without you sometimes, he is not wrong and it does not mean that there is a problem. Men will often flip through a newspaper, read a book, play games on their phone or surf through the channels on television. Rather than concluding that this is personal and therefore needs to change, what if you asked your partner, “Is something wrong?” If he says no, allow him whatever space he requires. Allowance does not mean that you are a doormat. It does mean that you let go of trying to make your man be what you think he should be and allow him to be who he is.
3. Nagging
Perhaps you have seen the quote, “Stop nagging me. I told you I would do it. You don’t have to ask every six months.” Funny, not funny. Desiring your partner to do something they are not doing can create frustration and is the source for many fights. The solution is simple and yet perhaps not all that easy to implement. Let go of expectations. It is the expectations of what your partner should and shouldn’t do that they are not fulfilling that creates the tension. Nagging about it repeatedly only creates resistance and resentment. Let go of the expectation, look for other solutions to what is required and focus on what you adore and enjoy about your lover.
I have an ex-lover who was a handyman. There were a few things that needed to be done around the house that he could have easily done but he did not. I chose to hire a handyman to take care of the projects. When he found out, he wanted to know why. I told him that rather than nag and get upset I would rather pay someone to do it and simply enjoy him and all the amazing things he does contribute.
While controlling, demanding change and nagging are often a part of relationships, they simply do not work. Rather than giving you what you desire, they create the opposite effect which results in separation between you and your lover. Let it go. Lose the expectations. Allow your partner to choose what works for them. Honor their space and their choices. This creates a relationship that has absolutely no judgment in it and no judgment is the sexiest, most desirable thing on the planet.