In today’s fast paced world, people are stressed out. Men and women are worried about finances, diseases, crime, terrorism and natural disasters to name just a few. Couples bring this stress into their relationships. Craving stability in a world seemingly out of control, many couples look forward to their routines. Going out to dinner, a movie or vacations at their favorite spot brings comfort to many couples. However, scientific research is now telling us something completely different. The ‘usual’ or ‘familiar’ is the enemy of a passionate, romantic relationship.
A New York Times article entitled, “Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples” https://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/health/12well.html found that spending lots of time together was not enough to reignite the flames of passion in a long term relationship. Instead, couples need a radical change from their routine dates by creating new and exciting adventures. Quantity of time together was not the change agent needed for transformation. Boredom sets in over the long haul and couples lose their passion for each other. Researchers found that new activities among couples trigger the brain and causes it to release dopamine and norepinephrine, the same chemicals that spark romantic love in the early stages of a relationship. In other words what relationships desperately need today is to have FUN!
The results concluded from the study, show that couples participating in ‘exciting’ date nights show far greater satisfaction than those stuck in their same routine. These long term relationships that had gotten bored with routine, changed dramatically when they engaged in activities that were new and thrilling, producing the same chemicals in their bodies that they had when they were first dating. When you introduce new, exciting and FUN activities into a relationship, you’re literally altering brain chemistry and inviting passion back into your relationship.
Recently our daughter told my wife and I that we were going out and having too much FUN. (Is that even possible for a couple in their 50’s?) She told us to get a bottle of wine on a Friday night, use the hot tub and call it an early night by 9:00pm. We politely said, “NO thank you”! After spending 25 years raising our children, we deserved to go out and enjoy life. Now is our time as a couple and we are going to have FUN!!
Maybe you are like me and enjoy routines, you don’t like change. For the sake of your relationship, you need to force yourself to get out and be spontaneous. My wife is the complete opposite, she loves adventure, new restaurants and clubs and could do it almost everyday. She needs to scale it back for me. Respect each other and listen to each others needs, but have FUN!
Ultimately, FUN doesn’t mean complicated. Keep it simple. Here are just a few ideas that will spice up your love life:
*Go to a Comedy Club
*New Restaurants, Nightclubs, etc.
*Go to an Amusement Park
*Take off for a weekend with no hotel plans, just go!
*Go on a Safari or a exotic vacation
So there you go, your simple prescription for a renewed relationship, full of passion. I have used this in my 32 years of marriage with fantastic results and taught this same simple step to my clients all over the country. Try it and see if this also transforms your relationship from Routine to Revived.