Community//

This Is What Happens When You Fall In Love With Your Anger

Girls and women are not taught to fall in love with their anger. Why? Because we live in a world that believes that girls and women shouldn’t feel angry. Good girls and women are nice, pleasing, concerned with the comfort and happiness of others, accommodating, feminine, gentle, sweet, and agreeable. Good girls and women are […]

Girls and women are not taught to fall in love with their anger. Why? Because we live in a world that believes that girls and women shouldn’t feel angry. Good girls and women are nice, pleasing, concerned with the comfort and happiness of others, accommodating, feminine, gentle, sweet, and agreeable. Good girls and women are caring and loving. Good girls and women always wear a smile, are non-threatening, and non-challenging. Good girls and women don’t get angry. Why? Because they’re not allowed to.

The Severing Of Anger From Good Womanhood

In her explosive book, Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly eloquently discusses how, to be seen as good, women have been separated from their anger. She describes this as one of the only ways society could ensure that women are prevented from pushing back against their inequality.

Taught from a young age to smile and play nice, to not talk back, to be a good girl, this severing of our anger from who we are is well underway before most of us have even started school. Boys are socialized to understand that anger is a powerful and acceptable emotion in need of expression, girls, on the other hand, are taught that their only opportunity to express the injustices they are already experiencing is to cry. Sadness is after all feminine, displaying a fragility and vulnerability deemed acceptable to society. Sad and fragile girls and women at least retain some sense of beauty, albeit in a rather melancholic sort of way, unlike their angry counterparts.

Angry Women Are Ugly Women

In a world in which we are taught that our worth as girls and women is tied solely to how we look on the outside, it is, as Chemaly so beautifully puts it, a cardinal sin to be ugly. We are therefore taught that suppressing our anger is essential to retain our sexual value to men and societies standards of femininity.

It is made very clear to us through both the media and our relationships that an angry face is an ugly face. We are told that nobody wants to see that. We are told we look so much prettier when we smile.

We learn early on that we will have to get used to men hanging out of cars whistling at us while we walk down the street or stand at the bus stop. We are told by men that it’s just harmless fun when they grope us on a crowded train. We are told that we need to lighten up and stop being such prudes. Getting angry about our boundaries being crossed, our basic human rights violated, and our personal space encroached on is likely to earn us title like ‘stuck up cow’ and ‘bitch face’ to name a few of the more pleasant ones.

As Chemaly points out in her recent TED Talk, severing us from our anger means society has also severed us from our internal alarm system designed to alert us to danger and enable us to act accordingly. Society has essentially left us vulnerable, defenseless, and open to attack on a wide variety of fronts.

Anger Turned Inward

Our anger, although unable to be expressed outwardly, still needs an outlet and thus we are forced down the only remaining path, one that sees us turning our anger inward. It would appear that society is more than okay with the increase in mental and physical ill-health that accompanies the silencing of our anger as long as we keep that to ourself and don’t make a fuss.

It is okay with our anxiety, our depression, our increased rates of autoimmune illnesses, after all, that is a small price to pay for maintaining the status quo. Anger turned inward manifests not just in the form of illness but in passive-aggressive tendencies and engagement in gossip, some of the only ways we know to let out some of the toxicity we can feel building up inside of us.

As Chemaly articulates, when we as girls and women are given the message by society that our anger is undesirable, selfish, powerless, and ugly, we learn that we are undesirable, selfish, powerless, and ugly.

We cannot continue down the path that we have been on for far too long. Dramatically altering the status quo and changing things for the better will be determined by girls and women the world over uniting and pushing back against the resistance. We need to fall in love with our anger. We need to stop silencing it for the sake of other people’s comfort and start expressing it. It’s time we rocked the boat!

Fall In Love With Your Anger

As women, it’s time we start the process of learning to fall in love with our anger. We need to integrate it back into who we are. We need to embrace it and express it. If we fall in love with our anger we unlock the door to a whole bunch of benefits.

We reactivate our internal alarm system and thus become clear on our boundaries. We learn what behaviour from others is okay and what’s not okay. We become aware of what we are unwilling to tolerate in others. We push back when people overstep the mark. We listen to and are guided by our intuition. We know what feels safe and what feels unsafe and act accordingly. When we fall in love with our anger we reactivate the inbuilt mechanism that protects us from harm.

We learn to advocate for ourselves. Instead of keeping quiet and being passive-aggressive we learn to be assertive. We speak up. We allow ourselves to have a voice. We challenge behaviours in others, and society, that are not okay. We develop a strong and unshakeable sense of self. We become strong, confident women who challenge the status quo and demand equality.

We regain a sense of health and wellbeing. We no longer carry the toxicity of stored anger in our bodies and minds. We no longer turn our anger inward and poison ourselves.

We become reacquainted with our authentic selves. In amongst all the noise telling us to smile, there comes a time, as Chemaly asserts, where our smiles become less authentic and so too does our understanding of ourselves. Permitting ourselves to be angry is permitting ourselves to get to know who we are and to live as that woman. We regain our freedom. We are no longer shackled to who we are expected to be. We are no longer concerned with the comfort of everyone around us at the expense of our own. We rise unafraid and stepping out of the shadows and into the once hidden woman waiting to be reclaimed. We are finally free to live as the woman we were born to be. We learn that the only ugly thing is hiding who we are. We, reconnected to our anger, are beautiful.

We become reacquainted with our authentic selves. In amongst all the noise telling us to smile, there comes a time, as Chemaly asserts, where our smiles become less authentic and so too does our understanding of ourselves. Permitting ourselves to be angry is permitting ourselves to get to know who we are and to live as that woman. We regain our freedom. We are no longer shackled to who we are expected to be. We are no longer concerned with the comfort of everyone around us at the expense of our own. We rise unafraid and stepping out of the shadows and into the once hidden woman waiting to be reclaimed. We are finally free to live as the woman we were born to be. We learn that the only ugly thing is hiding who we are. We, reconnected to our anger, are beautiful.

We become reacquainted with our authentic selves. In amongst all the noise telling us to smile, there comes a time, as Chemaly asserts, where our smiles become less authentic and so too does our understanding of ourselves. Permitting ourselves to be angry is permitting ourselves to get to know who we are and to live as that woman. We regain our freedom. We are no longer shackled to who we are expected to be. We are no longer concerned with the comfort of everyone around us at the expense of our own. We rise unafraid and stepping out of the shadows and into the once hidden woman waiting to be reclaimed. We are finally free to live as the woman we were born to be. We learn that the only ugly thing is hiding who we are. We, reconnected to our anger, are beautiful.

We become reacquainted with our authentic selves. In amongst all the noise telling us to smile, there comes a time, as Chemaly asserts, where our smiles become less authentic and so too does our understanding of ourselves. Permitting ourselves to be angry is permitting ourselves to get to know who we are and to live as that woman. We regain our freedom. We are no longer shackled to who we are expected to be. We are no longer concerned with the comfort of everyone around us at the expense of our own. We rise unafraid and stepping out of the shadows and into the once hidden woman waiting to be reclaimed. We are finally free to live as the woman we were born to be. We learn that the only ugly thing is hiding who we are. We, reconnected to our anger, are beautiful.

We cannot continue down the path that we have been on for far too long. Dramatically altering the status quo and changing things for the better will be determined by girls and women the world over uniting and pushing back against the resistance. We need to fall in love with our anger. We need to stop silencing it for the sake of other people’s comfort and start expressing it. It’s time we rocked the boat!

We feel angry about the way we’re treated and yet we force ourselves to conform to gender norms because anything less than that will be met with resistance. Any less than that will leave society with little choice but to remind us of our place, to put us back in our box. So if we’re not able to express our anger openly, what options are we left with?

In a world in which we are taught that our worth as girls and women is tied solely to how we look on the outside, it is, as Chemaly so beautifully puts it, a cardinal sin to be ugly. We are therefore taught that suppressing our anger is essential to retain our sexual value to men and societies standards of femininity.

It is made very clear to us through both the media and our relationships that an angry face is an ugly face. We are told that nobody wants to see that. We are told we look so much prettier when we smile.

We learn early on that we will have to get used to men hanging out of cars whistling at us while we walk down the street or stand at the bus stop. We are told by men that it’s just harmless fun when they grope us on a crowded train. We are told that we need to lighten up and stop being such prudes. Getting angry about our boundaries being crossed, our basic human rights violated, and our personal space encroached on is likely to earn us title like ‘stuck up cow’ and ‘bitch face’ to name a few of the more pleasant ones.

As Chemaly points out in her recent TED Talk, severing us from our anger means society has also severed us from our internal alarm system designed to alert us to danger and enable us to act accordingly. Society has essentially left us vulnerable, defenseless, and open to attack on a wide variety of fronts.

We feel angry about the way we’re treated and yet we force ourselves to conform to gender norms because anything less than that will be met with resistance. Any less than that will leave society with little choice but to remind us of our place, to put us back in our box. So if we’re not able to express our anger openly, what options are we left with?

In a world in which we are taught that our worth as girls and women is tied solely to how we look on the outside, it is, as Chemaly so beautifully puts it, a cardinal sin to be ugly. We are therefore taught that suppressing our anger is essential to retain our sexual value to men and societies standards of femininity.

It is made very clear to us through both the media and our relationships that an angry face is an ugly face. We are told that nobody wants to see that. We are told we look so much prettier when we smile.

We learn early on that we will have to get used to men hanging out of cars whistling at us while we walk down the street or stand at the bus stop. We are told by men that it’s just harmless fun when they grope us on a crowded train. We are told that we need to lighten up and stop being such prudes. Getting angry about our boundaries being crossed, our basic human rights violated, and our personal space encroached on is likely to earn us title like ‘stuck up cow’ and ‘bitch face’ to name a few of the more pleasant ones.

As Chemaly points out in her recent TED Talk, severing us from our anger means society has also severed us from our internal alarm system designed to alert us to danger and enable us to act accordingly. Society has essentially left us vulnerable, defenseless, and open to attack on a wide variety of fronts.

We feel angry about the way we’re treated and yet we force ourselves to conform to gender norms because anything less than that will be met with resistance. Any less than that will leave society with little choice but to remind us of our place, to put us back in our box. So if we’re not able to express our anger openly, what options are we left with?

In a world in which we are taught that our worth as girls and women is tied solely to how we look on the outside, it is, as Chemaly so beautifully puts it, a cardinal sin to be ugly. We are therefore taught that suppressing our anger is essential to retain our sexual value to men and societies standards of femininity.

It is made very clear to us through both the media and our relationships that an angry face is an ugly face. We are told that nobody wants to see that. We are told we look so much prettier when we smile.

We learn early on that we will have to get used to men hanging out of cars whistling at us while we walk down the street or stand at the bus stop. We are told by men that it’s just harmless fun when they grope us on a crowded train. We are told that we need to lighten up and stop being such prudes. Getting angry about our boundaries being crossed, our basic human rights violated, and our personal space encroached on is likely to earn us title like ‘stuck up cow’ and ‘bitch face’ to name a few of the more pleasant ones.

As Chemaly points out in her recent TED Talk, severing us from our anger means society has also severed us from our internal alarm system designed to alert us to danger and enable us to act accordingly. Society has essentially left us vulnerable, defenseless, and open to attack on a wide variety of fronts.

We feel angry about the way we’re treated and yet we force ourselves to conform to gender norms because anything less than that will be met with resistance. Any less than that will leave society with little choice but to remind us of our place, to put us back in our box. So if we’re not able to express our anger openly, what options are we left with?

In a world in which we are taught that our worth as girls and women is tied solely to how we look on the outside, it is, as Chemaly so beautifully puts it, a cardinal sin to be ugly. We are therefore taught that suppressing our anger is essential to retain our sexual value to men and societies standards of femininity.

It is made very clear to us through both the media and our relationships that an angry face is an ugly face. We are told that nobody wants to see that. We are told we look so much prettier when we smile.

We learn early on that we will have to get used to men hanging out of cars whistling at us while we walk down the street or stand at the bus stop. We are told by men that it’s just harmless fun when they grope us on a crowded train. We are told that we need to lighten up and stop being such prudes. Getting angry about our boundaries being crossed, our basic human rights violated, and our personal space encroached on is likely to earn us title like ‘stuck up cow’ and ‘bitch face’ to name a few of the more pleasant ones.

As Chemaly points out in her recent TED Talk, severing us from our anger means society has also severed us from our internal alarm system designed to alert us to danger and enable us to act accordingly. Society has essentially left us vulnerable, defenseless, and open to attack on a wide variety of fronts.

We feel angry about the way we’re treated and yet we force ourselves to conform to gender norms because anything less than that will be met with resistance. Any less than that will leave society with little choice but to remind us of our place, to put us back in our box. So if we’re not able to express our anger openly, what options are we left with?

Taught from a young age to smile and play nice, to not talk back, to be a good girl, this severing of our anger from who we are is well underway before most of us have even started school. Boys are socialized to understand that anger is a powerful and acceptable emotion in need of expression, girls, on the other hand, are taught that their only opportunity to express the injustices they are already experiencing is to cry. Sadness is after all feminine, displaying a fragility and vulnerability deemed acceptable to society. Sad and fragile girls and women at least retain some sense of beauty, albeit in a rather melancholic sort of way, unlike their angry counterparts.

Taught from a young age to smile and play nice, to not talk back, to be a good girl, this severing of our anger from who we are is well underway before most of us have even started school. Boys are socialized to understand that anger is a powerful and acceptable emotion in need of expression, girls, on the other hand, are taught that their only opportunity to express the injustices they are already experiencing is to cry. Sadness is after all feminine, displaying a fragility and vulnerability deemed acceptable to society. Sad and fragile girls and women at least retain some sense of beauty, albeit in a rather melancholic sort of way, unlike their angry counterparts.

The world decided long ago that anger and femininity were a potent and dangerous combination. Their solution? For society at large to feel safe and un-threatened, it was reliant on the design of a particular kind of woman – passive, vulnerable, weak, sad, and helpless. That, it was decided, would ensure that women never rose to a level that would challenge the status quo.

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