There are a lot of things in this world that make me cry and when I say a lot of things I really do mean a LOT. I’m pretty sure that I’ve single handily kept the Kleenex industry in business, these past few years at least. My nickname ain’t Marshmallow for nothing my friends! Do you know what’s been really bringing the tears to my eyes lately? How many drop-dead gorgeous inside and out women are hating on themselves thanks to the Negative Nancy voice that has taken up permanent residence in their heads.
Our struggles as women with low self-worth, low self-belief, low self-esteem, and low self-love really are at epidemic proportions. Sounds serious huh? That’s because it is.
We invest an insane amount of energy comparing ourselves to other women, thinking that they somehow have it all figured out. We look at other women and wish we had their hair, their eyes, their flat stomach, their long legs. We look at them and we see something perfect. We look at ourselves and we see something in need of fixing.
We look at other women and we wish we had their confidence, their assertiveness, their eloquence, their grace. We look at them and we see someone who has it all together. We look at ourselves and we see someone who is falling apart. We worry that those other women are also looking at us as something in need of repair.
But you wanna know something crazy? Those other women are too busy obsessing over the parts of themselves they think need repairing to have even noticed all those flaws you think you have. By the way, how come we’ve decided that flaws are a bad thing? Maybe it’s time we started thinking of flaws as the very things that make us beautiful. The things that add colour to who we are.
Shhh, because I’ve just told you a secret that the Negative Nancy voice that takes up so much space in your head doesn’t want you to know.
She doesn’t want you to know that as women we ALL struggle. That we all have moments when we doubt ourselves. That we all have moments where we worry that we’re not good enough. That we all have times when we’re scared. That we all cry. We all grieve. We all feel pain. We all focus far too much on our perceived flaws and weaknesses and focus far too little on our strengths and what makes us freaking amazing.
Do you know why Negative Nancy doesn’t want you to know that all women are struggling with the same things? Because if you figured that out you’d do what any good employer would do if they found out one of their employee’s had spent years lying to them – you’d fire her good for nothing ass! See truth-telling is not something that Negative Nancy excels at but she’s really really good at something else…….
Do you know when you curl up on the sofa with a cup of tea and that amazing piece of chocolate peanut butter slice? You take those first few bites (Mmmm, sorry, my eyes just kinda glazed over there for a moment because that combination is so my happy place!!) and all of a sudden this little voice pipes up and says to you ‘do you think you should be eating this?’ You take another few bites and that voice chimes in again ‘do you know how much exercise we’re going to have to do to burn this off?’ That’s Negative Nancy, the thief of all joy. Isn’t she fab?!
We never once think to put down our fork for a minute and tell Negative Nancy to bugger off because we have a life that we’d like to get on with living thank you very much! No no no, instead we swallow her words as eagerly as we swallow that bit of chocolate peanut butter slice.
Now I’m not suggesting we all throw caution (and our health!) to the wind and spend our lives in a chocolate and peanut butter haze but we seriously need to pull ourselves together and get some perspective. Negative Nancy has nothing good to say to you and I mean NOTHING. Living your life with her in your head scrutinising your every move is a wasted life. It’s a miserable and unhappy life. If we eat a healthy diet 80% of the time and get a moderate amount of exercise each week then I can assure you that our bodies and our lives are not going to fall apart if we indulge now and again.
……so please stop treating yourself like one. You do not need to waste another moment dissecting your body or your inner world on some mission to discover what is broken and in need of fixing. If there are aspects of your body, mind, heart, and soul that you feel are in need of some growth then, by all means, grow like a beanstalk and flourish like a flower my friends but do it because you want to not because you think it’s what you should be doing or what the world expects you to do be doing.
I’m serious. Go and fire her. Right now. I’ll wait here while you do it…….
……okay, so now that that’s done let me make something VERY clear. You are beautiful and you are more than good enoughdespite what you continually tell yourself to the contrary. You are freaking fabulous!In fact, now that you’ve fired Nancy you have room on the team for Freaking Fabulous Fiona – I strongly recommend you hire her immediately. Freaking Fabulous Fiona knows that you do not need to wait to lose or gain weight to live your life. She knows that you don’t have to wait until you’re more confident an self-assured to start loving yourself. She knows that you don’t need anything more than what you already have to start singing a new song.
Imagine if you loved yourself so much that you only ever filled your head with positive self-talk. How awesome would that feel? You may not believe in you yet but I believe in you. I don’t need to have met you to know that you’re a phenomenal woman. I know that you’re beautiful inside and out. I know that you have a ton of unreached for dreams in your heart that you are more than capable of achieving. I know that you are courageous beyond belief. It’s okay to stumble, we all do, the key is to quickly get back up again. Don’t hang out in the gutter where all your hateful and hurtful words hang out. Instead, jump back up and while you’re jumping how about putting all that exercise to good use and jumping all over those hateful and hurtful words that you’re so fond of using on yourself?
The world needs your light. The world needs YOU. Do not rob us of all that you are. Shine bright like the diamond that you are.