I just finished anchoring the news in New York and was heading to my hotel room when I got the text from my best friend. It said, “I have your wedding dress. It arrived in the mail today.” I stared at her text and couldn’t come up with the words to write back. I gripped the phone and stood against the building on 3rd Avenue finding it hard to breathe. My wedding dress had arrived, but I wasn’t going to wear it.
I had not seen that dress in nearly three years. To be honest, I didn’t think I would, nor did I know if I would want to. But I knew that I wanted it back, but now what. What do I do with it? I didn’t know what to feel. Other than my heart racing and tears running down my face, I was numb.
This dress was custom-made for me. I picked it out during a time that I was so happy and in love. It was a time that I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone with whom I fell in love. After my divorce, I didn’t think I would ever be dress shopping again. But there I was in 2018. And here I am three years later at a very different time in my life.
Getting that wedding dress in the mail made everything very real. It made all of the emotions come back and my wounds were opened back up. They took a long time to sew them shut and now the thread wasn’t holding them together anymore. There is no way to describe how I felt other than my heart hurt. All of those memories when I tried the dress on came flashing back. I was told by many that this is normal, but I wasn’t expecting it to affect me as it did.
The next day I went home and went to my friends house. The dress was hanging in her closet, but I couldn’t look at it. Just talking about it made me cry. She told me that she would keep it as long as I needed her to.
I wasn’t going to wear it, but do I try it on? How will that make me feel? It’s probably not a good idea, I thought. So many things ran through my head, but I know at that moment I couldn’t look at it. So I didn’t.
I went home and thought about it for a few days. The dress is too beautiful to throw out. It’s too beautiful to burn (although there were times I wanted to). But the only thing to do is to give it to someone who will look beautiful in it.
There is someone out there who is looking for a dress and this may just be the one. It will fit them perfectly and they will glow. Their smile will go from ear to ear and tears of joy will run down their face. Just as I had when I tried it on.
I have decided not to try it on or even look at it. It will stay in my friends closet until it’s time for it to go.
Over time I have learned that this dress was not made for me. It wasn’t supposed to wear it. God has other plans for me. This dress is meant for someone else. To the woman who will eventually wear this dress, you will look beautiful and this is meant for you.