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The value of forgiveness in getting the most out of you and your team

Own up, clean up and move on!

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I recently started doing some more in-depth work on Being Profile. It is quite an in-depth and insightful tool. The starting point is always Awareness, Integrity and Effectiveness. For obvious reasons, integrity matters and being aware of what is missing or broken impacts how effective you can be in life. What wasn’t so apparent on first glance was where this would lead me. I’ve understood the value of Responsibility for years now, having resisted it initially so when the conversation turned to forgiveness I was quite taken by surprise. At the heart of Responsibility is ownership; there’s power in owning what you did or didn’t do. Then, of course, there is the clean-up which is where you make good. I have no problem with either of those. Then the next piece is to MOVE ON. Of course, to move on forgiveness is not optional; it’s a requirement. 

What is forgiveness as a way of Being? 

Forgiveness is the ability to let go and move on. It is considered the restoration of the way of being you were before the act or event you are forgiving for. When we forgive, we forego the right to use or hold against a person (including ourselves) any resentment, anger, or hurt related to that act. Forgiveness is not about condoning another’s behaviour or actions; rather, it is the freeing and releasing of oneself from the past.

Forgiveness is the ability to let go and move on. It is considered the restoration of the way of being you were before the act or event you are forgiving for. When we forgive, we forego the right to use or hold against a person (including ourselves) any resentment, anger, or hurt related to that act. Forgiveness is not about condoning another’s behaviour or actions; rather, it is the freeing and releasing of oneself from the past.

Some struggle to forgive others, and some struggle to forgive themselves. I was struggling to forgive myself. In doing so, I continually drag around my list of unforgiven things; they weigh me down, but worse they come with me, and I keep them alive.

Why would anyone do that? 

When you ask that as a logical question it makes no sense that anyone would continue to carry around the burden of things unforgiven when the simple but not easy solution is to forgive them and let them go. There is always a ‘logic’, however, and once you find the logic, you can deconstruct it. Often, we can’t do this by ourselves; we need the insight of another be they a mentor or coach to hold the mirror up. After all, you can’t see your own eyes without a mirror. 

Because what you are in your inmost Being escapes your examination in rather the same way that you can’t look directly into your own eyes without using a mirrorYou can’t bite your own teeth. You can’t taste your own tongue. And you can’t touch the tip of [your] finger with the tip [of the same] finger.

Alan Watts

I told myself I could forgive myself for the first mistake. Often my mistakes coalesce around self-trust or deciding to trust someone else’s opinion over my own. I don’t mean that from the standpoint of being arrogant. Back to Being Profile, our consciousness “knows”, we were all born with an innate intelligence that once we tune into it and listen and allow ourselves to be guided by, we generally end up where we are supposed to. It generally works out for the best. These are the kinds of errors I have found myself prone to. You’ve heard the saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. That axiom has run my life and to my detriment: If I’m the one not listening to me and defer to the thoughts or will of another than two things occur. Firstly, it’s directed at me not once but twice. Secondly, the very act of deferment when I know better lacks Responsibility, creating a loop.

The only way out of the loop is forgiveness.

So, what does being forgiving really mean? It sounds kind of soft and fluffy, doesn’t it? For a start I said forgive, I didn’t say forget. If you forget you increase the likelihood of a repeat performance. And, in forgiving, you give up the right to use it against anyone, and that includes the self.

How often will you make mistakes? Every day and, for the rest of your life. How often do we forgive? Every day and for the rest of your life. To perform at your highest and be your best forgiveness is not a nice to have it’s essential. 

Forgiveness then is critical to Effectiveness.

Imagine any world-class CEO, a Jeff Bezos or an Elon Musk. They are regarded as the best of the best. How quickly do you think they forgive? I don’t know for sure but given how fast they move and how quickly they pivot and adapt my guess is the forgive quickly.

There might be something in that for all of us.

If you are interested in finding out what is getting in the way of your Effectiveness go reach out and book a chat with me.

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