The Two Most Important Keys to the Universe

Ducks don't always have to be in a row and it's okay to be a little loopless

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These ducks might be in a row but yours don't have to be. 

*these sayings are either keys to the Universe or flimsy band-aids I use to help myself feel better about living in a constant state of mild-to-moderate chaos. 

#1 of (keys to the universe)

Instead of having my ducks in a row, I like to promote Ducks Scattered About. DSA, if you please. Because who says ducks need be in a perfectly straight line? Why is that better? But real talk. If your ducks represent all the different aspects of life: a degree, a house, friendships, relationships, loads of laundry, owning two sets of sheets… Is life really best lived when trying desperately to keep them all in perfect order?

I’d like to let one of my ducks jet off to Tokyo if he really likes sushi. And at least one of my ducks is never going to leave New York City, there’s just too much of my soul there. I have a sneaking suspicion that many people have ducks hiding all around the world that they’ll never discover unless they go searching for them.

Let’s start a scattered duck movement… Go find your ducks people.

Searching for scattered ducks in Australia


#2 (of keys to the universe)

Setting: A trendy brunch restaurant in Manhattan.

Scene: A small, blonde boy wearing khakis is standing by a table where his family is eating breakfast. He is trying desperately to put on a belt. The belt is through (at most) 2 loopholes on his jeans. The belt is twisted and he can not get the fastener through any of the small holes.

He is not frustrated. He is not upset. If anything, his face conveys sheer pride. But, for the most part, this child gives zero f*cks about belt conventionality. He is completely loopless and his life is easy as pre-cut waffles drenched in syrup.

Moral: Be loopless, like that kid.

loopless in Lake Bled, Slovenia

Originally published at

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