I felt so pulled to write this blog given the number of ’10 ways to rid toxic people from your life’ articles I have encountered recently, each one a personal sign for me.
It may not be what you are expecting but stick with me to the end!
Ok where to begin……
There is no such thing as a toxic person.
There are angry people.
There are hurt people.
There are people stuck in patterns of addiction.
There are people who are trying their best to navigate life after trauma.
There are people who have lived and breathed abuse and know nothing else.
There are people who are depressed.
There are people with feelings of low self-worth.
There are people who have an urge to always please others.
There are people who have a lack in confidence.
There are people who are grieving.
There are people who are financially struggling.
There are people who are living life unconsciously.
I could go on..
Every single one of us, you include, are motivated in life by the story imprinted in our mind.
The imprint comes from current and past life experiences.
We are each navigating a noise inside of our minds that is either helpful or unhelpful.
It either brings us emotional pain or peace of mind.
It either brings us conflict or harmony.
Imagine if you were that person trying to navigate years of abuse, what lens of life that person might be looking through when they see others and the world?
How might that person communicate, consumed by the feelings surrounding their trauma?
Or maybe imagine if you were that person battling an addiction, an addiction created to help them cope in life, now without their crutch, what lens might they be looking through in life?
How might that person communicate, consumed with cravings, emotional pain, and guilt?
Imagine the person who hates themselves so deeply, how might they think others perceive them?
How might they communicate thinking everyone is against them?
Now think about how we respond to people when they communicate with us through the lens of anger / sadness / anxiety / depression / addiction / low self-esteem / hatred etc etc
Something I learned a long time ago but have only been embodying it for myself over this last year is not making anyone wrong.
I have the power to decide how I respond to people, situations and events and I give that power away when I take the behaviour of others personally.
In a flash I have moved from Goddess to triggered human.
Saying things like ‘can you believe they said that about me’ or ‘they have caused me so much pain’
Everyone is on their own journey, they have past wounds and trauma to heal, lessons to learn, karma to balance.
Our journey will always feel different to everyone else because it is exactly that – our own journey.
People will not treat, respond, behave in a way that WE have learned along our journey of life, so we can’t expect it.
We can however choose how we behave in response to all of life.
We can navigate life supporting one another when we listen to what lies underneath a person’s behaviour.
Maybe someone crosses your path so you can practise your boundaries.
Maybe someone crosses your path so you can learn a lesson that you can share with others.
Maybe someone crosses your path to direct you back onto the right path because you have innocently wandered off in the wrong direction.
Sometimes we innocently get caught up in other people’s stories, the stories that motivate them to cause intentional harm and trauma to another, even then it is not personal to us, its personal to what is happening in their mind.
Now I am not saying that people can go about life hurting others and that’s OK because its their problem not ours and we have to just accept that.
Quite the opposite.
Something that I say quite a lot is hurt people, hurt people.
You do not see content people walking around behaving in a way that is not respectful to other humans.
But knowing that everyone is living in their own reality of life and they are motivated to speak, feel, behave, and act from that mental image as a point of reference in life has allowed me to let a lot of things go that have eaten me up for years.
It has helped me to see that NO there was not something wrong with me.
It has helped me to shine a light on my own limiting beliefs, when I have reacted to a way a person has acted towards me, what was I seeing as the meaning it meant about me?
It has helped me to heal and let go of my own hindering belief system that had previously kept me in a cycle of ‘I am not good enough I am not worthy’
It has helped me to forgive myself, knowing then when I have acted from a place of anger or sadness that my truth of love never left me, and I was seeing life the only way I could have in that moment.
We all have the capacity to be a ‘toxic person’ in this lifetime, and wouldn’t it be amazing if when we were seeing life for anything other than truth that when we looked up, we saw understanding and compassion in the eyes of the people around us?
How can you deal with a perceived ‘toxic person’
1 – Check in on where you are at, are you in a balanced and content state of mind?
(If not then maybe your lens in that moment has distorted the view)
2 – Pause, listen, and pray for the person who has temporarily lost their connection to truth, pray they learn whatever they need to in that moment and that they return to their true self soon.
3 – Nothing is personal to you, the words of another have the ability to reach into a part of your brain and press a button that opens up a pandoras box of limiting beliefs, without the person actually even knowing they did it, in their mind they just talked. See the GOLD in those moments, for you have just shone a light on a belief that is in no way shape or form serving you in life, so you can move from living unconsciously to consciously deciding if that will be your belief moving forward.
4 – Boundaries check in, are you maintaining them, or have you let your power escape over the top of them?
5 – Get curious, what could possibly be going on inside another human’s mind for them to be speaking, acting, choosing things that make no sense to you?
In life WE DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT ANYTHING THAT WE DO NOT WANT TO, now I added the words in capitals as I lived for YEARS not knowing I had choice.
You can choose who you hang out with.
You can choose your relationships.
You can choose the kind of life you create.
You can choose how you respond, or not respond (insert winky eye emoji here as that’s the key part of this message haha)
We are one spirit expressing as 7 billion humans.
All of these humans at different levels of consciousness, all vibrating at different frequencies, all experiencing a unique journey, all with past life experiences that are carried with us into this life, all with current life experiences, all trying their best to navigate the noise.
Tons of love