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The Subtle Power of Uncertainty

I had a sudden panic attack in my head. I have this more often than I like to admit. No one knows apart from you, now. My panic attacks are quiet, completely outwardly silent. Invisible and untraceable.

When I let go, I get guidance

Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

I had a sudden panic attack in my head. I have this more often than I like to admit. No one knows apart from you, now. My panic attacks are quiet, completely outwardly silent. Invisible and untraceable. No one can ever notice them. No. I always have a brave face on me. A smile even. The small circle of friends and family I choose to be around with, see me at my best (mostly). Only the perfect me, most of the time. The one who has it all figured out. The one who has so much clarity and understanding of everything. The one who knows what she is doing at all times, where she is going and the exact directions to take at any given time.

I’m looking at her from a different perspective today. I can see how fragile her world can be. When one is perfect, and knows everything, and has got it all under control, the world can easily break. Anything can go wrong by just looking at it. One’s entire existence can be shattered with the slightest turn, even with a whisper or a sigh.

You can see how I can easily; one can have a panic attack under those circumstances, right?

Photo by Justin Lynch on Unsplash

In my case, it goes like this: “I imagine something I want very much because I need it a lot. Maybe is something to do with my health, that will significantly improve my confidence and sense of wellbeing which will boost my work and my ability to earn more and then get all the other things I want because I need it all very much…. and I don’t have it yet. I imagine how important it is and how bad my life is without it. I imagine how much worse it’s going to get. Then I see all the things I’m doing to get it and how those things are all failing. I embrace a deep feeling of impotence, helplessness. The sheer fear of the inability to take effective action, which gives me a gut feeling that I will never achieve “it” and I see how bad my life goes and is without it to very extreme detailed degradation”.

I have died and not gone to heaven in my head and heart for a few seconds, sometimes minutes until I shake myself out of it. But it’s cool. No one has noticed. I put a smile back on and carry on.

My faith suffers after a panic attack. I feel somehow debilitated — not an excellent way to be perfect at all.

Not ideal. So what shall I do instead of having panic attacks? Simple:

I must give up the bleeding need to be perfect and the need to be sure about what’s going to happen next all the time together with the fragility that comes in the package.

And I embrace the subtle power of uncertainty.

Photo by Wojciech Portnicki on Unsplash

When I give up the need to be perfect

I feel free to fail, and then fail again, and then get up and continue to try and continue to fail another 100 times if need be. So what? That’s hero material for all I care. That’s award-winner material. That’s changing the world material. That is touching billions of lives material. That is leading the footprints of humanity on to great advancement material. Failing is. If not answer this by ticking the correct answer only one:

What did Thomas Edison do?

a) He failed 1000 times

b) He Invented the light bulb.

When I’m cool with not knowing

I readily flow. I ask for guidance from my celestial team and from everyone around me. Because it’s ok not to know what to do.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about faith and belief. I need that. I need to know with total certainty that my life is utterly amazing because I chose to live. But that’s all I need.

I don’t need to know the how, the when or the who just yet. It’s stressful to try and know it all before it happens. I don’t need to micro-manage my dreams and aspirations. I don’t want to micromanage because I am bigger than me.

I am the Universe.

Photo by Mahir Uysal on Unsplash

I try to let the Universe part of me do managing. I do the ordering. For this, I need faith.

Faith is the evidence of what I do not see.

I surrender to the higher entity at work within me.

Surrendering

I understand why this can be a problem. Surrendering makes me feel (when faith is not strong) unsafe like I’m not in control. The fact is I’m never in control. Control is an illusion.

Being Willing to embrace uncertainty means that

  • I am having unwavering faith — good for the soul and for allowing miracles.
  • I am surrendering, letting go of control — useful for living a more fulfilling life, chilling out more and enjoy the moment here and now.
  • I’m opening to limitless possibilities — this is the best in my opinion, excellent for allowing life to surprise me with the “real deal” getting far beyond what I can think or imagine.
  • It’s a weight off my shoulders — it’s much easier to surrender than to struggle.
  • I’m open to guidance — when I get the right guidance, I’m sure to get to my destination.

After All

I will never know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

Photo by Sergii Gulenok on Unsplash

This is what I do when I remember to do it (it’s hard)

  • I do what I love every day, that’s how I know I’m on the right track.
  • I dream of and ask for what I desire often. That keeps on the right track.
  • I consciously surrender because it’s easier. I don’t have to do everything on my mind’s strength, to be honest. That’s a relief.

Then I embrace the subtle power of uncertainty because I know that it is the only way to be genuinely open to the fantastic things that can come my way and that I’m utterly incapable of thinking or imagining.

When I don’t know what is possible, anything is possible.

When I don’t know how I will get there and yet I can still see me there, I know that I am aligned.

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